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Dad has a va jay-jay?!

Hello everyone!! I haven't been on my account in such a long time but when my s/o and I came up with this new question I thought this was a great place to go!!

My girlfriend and I have just recentaly started discusing if we are ready to try for a baby. Without making this post pages long I'll get to the question I have for you all. In your personal opinion do you find it appropiate for our child to be raised calling myself 'Mom' and my girlfriend 'Dad' without completly confusing the crap out of him?! :) I would like to give a quick description of my girlfriend. She has gone her whole life a gay woman. She has always had a buzzed hair cut, shopped in the mens section for clothes, and done all the activities most consider what boys do. I am the total oppisite.

When the question of what our child would call each of us we both have the same feeling that 'Mom' just doesn't sound right for her. It would be like if our child were to call me 'Dad.' We've talked to a few people about it but don't really want to let everyone in on the fact we are considering starting a family. The most comon answer we get is to have the child call her by her name. Neither of us like this idea. This is our child we're talking about! One friend said Dad fits her so well that we should just do it and all it can do is help our child see how many different people their are in the world. Also, he may go to school and wonder why his 'Dad' is a girl with a va jay-jay! :) I just want to get different opinions on if people think this might confuse a child too much that it's worth getting over the akwardness of a very stem person being called mom. 

Please, share your thoughts! Smile

Re: Dad has a va jay-jay?!

  • Your s/o sounds very similar to my DP, but she wants to be called "Mama" by our little one.  My suggestion is to try different variations of "Ma-Da" or "Da-ma" for example.  You can make "momma" or "Mommie" more of a masculine sounding by modifying it - just play with the words and don't worry what others think of it.  Just explain to your child that some people have preferences of being called one way over another for an example: Grandma vs Nana.  

    Good luck and welcome to the TTC club.. (I already have a little one, but I would love to have a second one!) 

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  • I don't think it's wrong, but I don't think it willnot  do your child any favors when he/she gets to be school age.  It can already be hard enough for kids to say they have two moms.  Your child would have to say he/she has a mom and dad and then sometimes have to explain that 'dad' has a different definition in your family.  I think there are other words besides Mom, mama, mommy you can look at.  Have you looked at words from other languages and cultures?

    Here's a link to the word mother in other languages.

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  • I totally agree with TT. Your family doesn't have to stick with traditional names (mom/dad) - you guys can be whatever you want! There is a transgendered family whose MTF is called Maddy (mom/daddy combined.) What about that?
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  • There are plenty of options if you want to explore some other names that may fit for your partner without having the concerns of explaining that "Dad" is a woman. Quite a few two-mom families, including the blogger at Lesbian Dad, have a (often more masculine parent) that goes by Baba.

    You can also check out Lesbian Family and books such as Confessions of the Other Mother.

    Best of luck in whatever name you choose and your journey to parenthood.

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  • I don't have any experience in this area but I know of a couple that has their children call one mother 'Momma' and one 'Mom.' I think using Dad might be too confusing for young children once they get into school and start talking to their friends about everything. Of course once they get to the age going into school you could just explain how their Dad is a little different than some of the other dads. 
  • imageJenn0810:
    I don't have any experience in this area but I know of a couple that has their children call one mother 'Momma' and one 'Mom.' I think using Dad might be too confusing for young children once they get into school and start talking to their friends about everything. Of course once they get to the age going into school you could just explain how their Dad is a little different than some of the other dads. 

     

    OK...Ooops. I clicked on the wrong chat board. Meant to go to the one underneath! Oh well, hehe, there was my 2 cents. :) Good luck! 

  • Our little one is due...well two days ago and I am about ready to burst.  Back to the point.  My partner the non-bio is going to go by Baba.  We spent a long time thinking about it and she decided that she didn't really feel like a "mom" and "dad" really wouldn't work for her either. 
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  • If you both believe that "dad" fits your gf best, then go for it. Absolutely. I don't think it will confuse the child anymore.
  • Recently, there was an incident here.  The two year old child of a same sex couple was throwing a tantrum in a shopping mall.  Mom #1 needed space so Mom #2 was taking the child to the car so the child could calm down.  The child kept screaming "I want Mom".   The security guard halted Mom #2 and child.  He asked the child  "Is this your Mom?"  The child said "no".   It turns out that the child calls Mom #2 "Dad."    The security guard thought there was a kidnapping underway.   Mom #2  was held up and arrested when police officers showed arrived.   Child services was contacted.   At 2, the child could not explain the situation.    

    While everyone worked at being professional and protecting the child,  both mothers, the child, the guard and the police were all upset with the outcome.    

    Please take this story into consideration.  Mom, Mama, Mommy, Mimi can all work. 

  • For a variety of reasons, I am going to be the bio parent, but I don't want to be called "mom".  Perhaps my wife will or not.

    I'm thinking about using words for Mom and/or Dad from other languages, living in NYC it is not uncommon to hear this and I think as the kid gets older he/she could explain that his parents choose to use these names because it is from another language but means Mom/Dad.

    There is another child in our lives who calls his mother Mom and his father by the Ukranian term for father.  He's 9 and so far he doesn't think this is weird or a problem.

     

  • i agree with using the "dad"s nationality term as a name. even if she doesnt speak it. when i have a child, it will call my dad "Vuvu" not grandpa or grandad. Im not sure how to do the accent marks on my keyboard but it does mean grandfather but in Portuguese.
  • my dads also pretty young so the Grampy terms just arnt "him".  hope that helps!
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