Am I wrong for feeling this way?

MrsDe2008

We have been home from the hospital for a week today and DH's mom has not come to see her granddaughter once (and she saw her for about 20 mins, through a window, during our 4 day stay in the hospital). DH's dad is in the hospital and not doing well (he has stage 4 lung cancer) and I do understand that the man is dying and he is her priority, but she couldn't take 30 mins of her time to stop by and meet her granddaughter. I don't want to sound heartless, because I do feel terrible that he is not doing well, but even at that, how do you not see, hold, kiss your brand new grandbaby when she is home for a week? Well, DH said something to her the other day when he went to visit his dad in the hospital and she said, she was sorry and busy with his dad (the unit he is on only has visitn 4 hours a day...you could make time). Anyway, her and her sister are supposed to come over and visit today. Well, it's almost 3pm and I haven't received a phone call. I'm not super close with my MIL, but we do get along and have nothing against each other. I just don't get it...am I being too sensitive or should I be more compassionate and understanding? How would you feel?

lawby2005

That's a toughie. I could see it both ways. But in this case, I would probably try to not let it bother me.

Topanga

I too would feel hurt but this is her husband and she is probably all caught up in that and thinking that she may only have a few precious moments with him but a hopefully long time with the granddaughter? The timing is just bad but I would agree try not to let it bother you and realize it is not personal especially if you 2 are close.

musiscout

I'm sorry to hear about FIL and that she hasn't seen Samantha. Maybe her heart is breaking as her husband is passing away (Stage 4 is terminal, right?) I think it's sometimes hard for people going through that to put on a smiling face and open their heart to something good, a new baby. She may have the time, but is on emotional overload already. I don't know her though and everything. I bet if you're patient and inviting, she'll come around.

MrsDe2008

thanks for the insight girls...maybe I need to give her some time. I don't know how I would be if I were going through the same thing. =/

Temp663997437501443

I'm sorry Bonnie.  I wonder if she is too emotionally drained to be able to get herself together to meet Samantha.  I would cut her some slack and send her some love.  In the form of cute pictures of the baby, of course.  Maybe it would be just the pick-me-up she needs. Or have H deliver some pics/videos the next time he goes.

Carrieland

Hi Bonnie, sorry for such sad news in your family.  How heartbreaking.  I would give her some time.  I am sure she'll come around.  She must be so overwhelmed right now and want to spend as much time with her husband as possible.  I would try to be patient and maybe make her a small photo album.  That might mean a lot to her so she doesn't have to feel like she needs to choose where to spend her time.

Lisichka

Bonnie, I'm really sorry to hear what your family is going through right now.  I think I would be hurt if MIL did this, but given the circumstances, I'd let it go for now. She has so much to deal with emotionally, maybe she just doesn't have enough energy. I hope you had a nice visit with her this afternoon though!

adozenroses

Hi Bonnie.  I am sorry you are feeling bad.  You are not wrong for your feelings.  I would probably feel the same way.  The other girls have offered some really good insights and perspective on this re: MIL too emotionally drained to make the visit.  I am sorry about your FIL...  Hopefully  MIL can come visit soon.  I'll send some cuddles to Samantha in her absence!!!  

Alishanyc

I agree in that it is a really tough situation.

I totally understand you and your husband's feelings around it, I mean - its your first child.

However, I understand your MIL's pov at this point - her husband and her partner is on his death bed. It must be so difficult for her right now, and in this kind of situation - we're all reminded of just how powerless we are in the big scheme of things, that the only thing she can really do is be there for him, and be consumed by this process. Hell, its probably throwing her own mortality right in her face.

Who am I to say what you should do - but I will say, having had to take care of my mom throughout her whole illness up to when she died, that was something that took my life over - I forgot that there was a world outside of she and I. We're only human.

So, with that - I say, maybe a little patience - give that beautiful baby some extra loving until her grandma can can do it for herself.

xoxo

Alishanyc

I agree in that it is a really tough situation.

I totally understand you and your husband's feelings around it, I mean - its your first child.

However, I understand your MIL's pov at this point - her husband and her partner is on his death bed. It must be so difficult for her right now, and in this kind of situation - we're all reminded of just how powerless we are in the big scheme of things, that the only thing she can really do is be there for him, and be consumed by this process. Hell, its probably throwing her own mortality right in her face.

Who am I to say what you should do - but I will say, having had to take care of my mom throughout her whole illness up to when she died, that was something that took my life over - I forgot that there was a world outside of she and I. We're only human.

So, with that - I say, maybe a little patience - give that beautiful baby some extra loving until her grandma can do it for herself.

xoxo

MrsDe2008

Thank you all! I really can't imagine what she is going through and don't ever want to know. I will definitely give her some time and I like the photo album idea. I think I will make one up for her and have DH give it to her when he sees her again. Maybe it will cheer her up.