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UGH Christmas vent.
I hate Christmas. I have had very few good ones in my life for various reasons (two of which are my sister telling my parents that she was bulimic on one Christmas, and my father telling my mother that he was having an affair with her sister on another [and she stayed with him, but that's an entirely different story]). I am not close to my extended families, and I am only intermittently close to my immediate family.
After the family drama on my mom's side due to the affair, I stopped going to the Christmas dinners because it was mostly people crying and avoiding one another. And after the sixth year of my paternal grandparents refusing to acknowledge my relationship with DH last year, I made the decision not to go to their dinner.
My immediate family usually has Christmas on Christmas Eve. I had to work until 5 this year and had to shower when I got home, so I wasn't even free until at least 6. They live an hour away, and my niece goes to bed by 8. So, nothing there. We spend Christmas day with DH's family (whom I love dearly). So, I suggested that Mom, Dad, Sister, and Niece come to our place on the 26th. They agree.
So, it sounds like I have all of my ducks in a row for minimal stress. And I do. But Mommy Dearest keeps laying on the guilt. When I didn't go to Thanksgiving dinners, it was, "Niece really missed you. She kept looking for you and asking where you were." Niece is 18 months old, and I see her at least twice a month. This morning, Mom called to wish me a merry Christmas and threw in, "It wasn't the same without you. Dad placed the Christmas song ["So This Is Christmas (No War)" by John Lennon--They play it every year] and was just sad that you weren't around." I told her that I'm not dead, and I can play the song tomorrow, and that maybe Christmas lunch at my house the day after could be a new tradition. She said, "but we already have a tradition" as if it is impossible for things to change.
Christmas usually throws me into a deep depression (I have bipolar disorder, so it's a trigger of the disease rather than melodrama), so I decided to do what I wanted to do this year to make myself feel as good as possible. I have explained this to my mother many times, but she doesn't seem to get it (even though she says it does). Ugh.
Don't want anything from anyone. Just venting rage.
Re: UGH Christmas vent.
I'm sorry you're having a cr*ppy Christmas!
I wouldn't suggest "new" traditions. Your mom wants to b*tch and moan that things aren't the same, and she's not on board with switching them around. She doesn't want to be happy unless it means you conforming to what she wants.
Tell her "sorry you are sad, but my life is different now." That gives you more control - it's not up to HER to understand or not understand, not for you to turn back the clock.
And remember, it's your mom's choice to be sad, lonely, etc, vs. looking forward to seeing you on the 26th. Geez - it's ONE DAY later!
Sorry you are having a difficult Christmas. Hopefully, lunch tomorrow will be nice. Don't let your mom involve your niece especially since she is only 18 months old. I am Jewish so I don't celebrate Christmas. NYE, however, something always goes wrong with getting sick or whatever. Last year, I ended up having to have surgery. This year may not be anything special, but it can't be much worse than last.
I also have a strained relationship with my mom. I have Bipolar Disorder as well so I know small things (and I am sure yours does not seem small today) can put me in a tail spin. I was feeling like I needed some humor last night so I went online to cafepress.com and read some funny tee shirts. Some were about bipolar and some were not. I am glad you tried to make this Christmas easy on yourself. Be proud of yourself even if your mom keeps up with the guilt. Hopefully, the deep depression you usually get around Christmas does not rear its ugly head. If you want to talk privately, feel free to send me a private message. I didn't mean to make this all about me. I got a little too involved when I started writing about relating to mom issues and bipolar issues. I hope I didn't hijack the thread.