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MIL-vent
My MIL is very sensitive and does not get along very well with her ex husband and his wife. They have been divorced and remarried for about 25 years now and you think that they could put their differences aside, but it doesn't seem likely. FIL and his wife are pretty wealthy and have money to spend on things, where as MIL and her husband do not. But they are there always for support and food and everything else that you would need them for.
My mom threw my bridal shower and it was expressed by both MIL and FIL's wife, that they would have liked to be involved and have helped out. Now that we are expecting, my mom decided she would include both of them in the baby shower plans if they wanted to. My mom called both of them and told them that she would like to have both of their ideas and help if they wanted to, that she wasnt looking for money, just ideas. My mom asked them both if they could work together and they both said yes. Now, MIL calls my mom and says she can't do it and she doesn't feel as though FIL's wife should be involved because she has never been a mother to her sons and that she really isn't a grandmother. She says she'll help my mom but refuses to meet with the ex's wife.
My mom is appalled, because she too, is a step mom and would want to be involved if my stepbrother had a baby. MIL's husband wants to be called grandpop and it's okay that he is involved, but when the shoe is on the other foot, she doesn't want to involve FIL's wife.
It's so bizarre and it is a mess because the two families just keep trying to one up each other. DH doesn't really care for his stepmom either, but my mom wants to be fair and involve all sides in the grandchild's life. I don't have a problem with any of it... and the shower is for me. DH said I should have just listened to him and not involved his stepmom, but then that makes us look like jerks. Can I really win? Looks like this will be a fight forever.. my poor kids.
Married My Best Friend on 9/17/2010
Re: MIL-vent
TTC since 08/2010
Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
Dx PCOS 3/2012
SA 5/25/12--normal
June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
we have 2 kids and many step,ex's etc in are family. the biggest issue was with my Mom & Dad they had been divorced for about 3 years and he was living with the woman he cheated with for many many years.it is to much to try and sort everyones life. the only important thing is that you are bringing a precious life into this word. if anyone not just family want to be about of their life they will.
we told everyone before my son was born they HAVE to but a diiference aside when it has to do with baby if they cant stay out of thier life now.i didnt want to run into having 2 parties or schedluding diff times so nobody had to be with eachother.
their was problems before the baby came their will be problems after. foucus on one the happiest moment of your and your husbands life. everything will fall into place the way it should. you and that baby dont need the stress
ITA with SMILEY. My grandparents separated when I was about 7 and didn't divorce until I was about 14. I was old enough to see the vitriol that they spewed about one another - but also old enough to stand up for myself. I told both that they needed to act civil to one another for the sake of me, my sister & cousin. In their case, it meant sitting at opposite ends of the room and completely ignoring each other for family events like birthdays and graduations, but it made it a lot more peaceful for everyone.
Unfortunately, some adults will act like children - and there is nothing you can do about it. It might be easier for DH to talk to both his mom and his dad separately and let them know that you two are not going to be doing double everything just so they don't have to see their exes. Lay it all out up front to prevent any misconceptions and set ground rules - grandchildren are great leverage for encouraging good behavior.
And, under no circumstances, should your MIL/SMIL/FIL/SFIL EVER 1) use your children as tug toys (figuratively, of course); or 2) speak poorly of each other or their respective spouses to your children. Let their problems remain their problems, and don't let them drag your kids into it.