Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
This Bugs Me...
My best friend has been with her boyfriend about 4 years, living together (officially, he had his own place so she was over there like 5 days out of the week) about a year. She says she will never get married because #1 it's just a piece of paper, it doesn't change their relationship, #2 you loose money on taxes, #3 she can get government help when they have a baby, and #4 if she get married she will loose her disability pay.
She's started referring to him as her husband, changed her facebook last name to his, and just got mad at him for calling her his girlfriend instead of wife (btw the fight about that was on facebook, not private). She says that she is married before God and doesn't need to explain it to anyone because it's none of their business, there is no reason they shouldn't be seen as a married couple and referred to as such.
She says the only marriage she believes in is her parents and mine (she was my maid of honor). I find it disrespectful to me and anyone else who is married for her to demand that she be treated that way. I find marriage a commitment. Back in May she kicked the guy out for 2 weeks, then let him back in never really explaining what happened (she claims another guy got into her head, but I really don't think that's the whole story). Now suddenly they're "married?" If that had been me I would have called off the wedding and went to therapy.
This whole thing reminds me of people who go down to the courthouse and then have a "real wedding" (their words not mine, I know two people currently doing this) later. It bugs me...she knows it does, but doesn't really care, she'll get really mad if I express my opinion about it.
I'm just wondering...does this bug anyone else?
BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625
Re: This Bugs Me...
Yes eventhough I am not married yet, but am engaged that does extremely bother me. I hate it when I see people on facebook or in real life basically playing house and calling each other husband and wife and saying they are "married" and then before no time they are splitting up. I also think that her changing her last name on her fb account is taking it a little to far. If these people want to be married they should get married. And for her to say that she doesnt believe in marriage except for her parents and yours, yet she is going around saying she is "married" and calling her boyfriend her husband, it just doesnt make sense.
Im sorry I could probably go on and on about this all night.
No, it does not bother me. I lived with DH for almost 3 years before we got married and I don't feel like our relationship was any different before we got married than it was after.
My aunt lived with her sons father for many years before he passed away and they never got legally married because he was a juvenile diabetic and was on disability but would have lost some coverage had they been married and because his problems were prexisting he was not able to be on her ins at work... they had a"ceremony" in his moms living room and wore wedding bands but they did not ever get married legally.
I feel to each their own and if they do not want to get legally married but they are going to behave as if they are married then that is their option.
I think it would just bug me that she wants to be called wife and changed her last name on FB. That is not normal behavior. If she wants to live with her boyfriend for the rest of her life, have kids and not ever get married, I guess that is her choice. But if she doesn't want to deal with "the piece of paper" she doesn't get to be someone's wife.
Ditto this
What Christie said.
It bugs me when people purposefully go out of their way to get more money from the government.
Also, she only believes in yours and your parents marriage? What does that even mean?
This and I would have made a comment questioning her as to if she had she legally changed her name? If she has, then great, change it on fb. If not, then it is retarded that she changed it on fb. I wouldn't care one way of the other, but the stupidity of it would drive me nuts and I have a huge problem with the fact that she wants tax payers to pay for her child. I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut on that issue.
Sorry it took me so long to come back, I got lazy yesterday.
I agree, if you don't want to get married then more power to you. The wife thing is what bugs me the most because she's not his wife and she shouldn't get mad at him for calling her his girlfriend, if marriage is just a piece of paper then wife is just a title.
No, she hasn't changed her name...she says when they have kids she will get her name changed and her reason why was so her kids don't get made fun of for the fact that their parents have different last names. There are a lot of kids out there with different last names, I don't see that being a problem.
She thinks it's better for people not to get married so they can use the government. Since married people tend to pay higher taxes and as long as they're making over $8 an hour they can't get any help even if they are having problems. I know plenty of people who use the government like that and I don't agree with it. I told her I didn't agree and she asked me if I had a choice between 1,000 tax return or paying 500 would I get a divorce and I laughed and said no, marriages don't end just like that.
Tamra: I agree marriage and relationship is different.
I just needed to know that I wasn't alone in looking at this weird. It's more the saying they're married (telling people they went to the courthouse when they didn't) and her demanding she be called his wife. And the use of the government...that bugs me from anyone.
BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625
This.
This.