Is this inappropriate?

MarynJoe

DH's birthday is coming up and we often 'celebrate' by going out to eat at a local restaurant and inviting my family.  With my family, for family birthdays, everyone always pays for their own but chips in a bit to cover the birthday person.  But, we'd like to invite a few members of DH's family.  Is it weird to somehow say that we're not paying for everything?  Or is that just too wrong?

lindyanne

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The easiest way to do this would be to cover a few appetizers and let everyone know that appetizers are provided. That's telling them they hbe to pay without telling them they have to pay.

martinilove

I think it's fine.  If I've been invited to birthday dinners in the past, I go with the assumption that I'll be paying for my own.  I don't think I'd ask them to pitch in for his (it sounds like that's just something you've done over the years in your family).  If you're able to pick up a few apps, great, but you may find that others may want to contribute just out of the goodness of their heart.

KatieBride06

i don't think its inappropriate with family. do you really think they would all expect you to take the whole tab? i know my family wouldn't.

we were asked out to dinner for SIL's birthday next weekend. i know we'll be paying for our own meals. i wouldn't expect anything else.

GatorWedsNole

Inappropriate?  No.  As long as everyone knows what to expect, you're ok.

However, what I think you might be wondering is how DH's family might view it.  And for that, DH should have some insight.

I'm sure it'll all work out. 

lsgarver

If I go out for someone's birthday, I don't expect to be paid for but you might want to use language like "We're going out for DH's birthday.  Do you want to meet us there?"  I think then it's implied that you pay your own.  You could be more generous and offer to buy bottles of wine, pitchers of beer or dessert for the group.  That's a good compromise.

Also, you mention that you've been to other dinners where everyone pitches in a little to pay for the birthday boy's meal.  Don't expect anyone to help you with DH's costs. 

MarynJoe

Thanks everyone.  Now I feel better about it.  We will provide a birthday cake!