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Sexual Incompatibility
Hi,
I am a newlywed. We were married October 9, 2010. For 6 months prior to the wedding my fiance and rarely had sex. I thought this would change after we were married but it hasn't. It has only gotten worse.
In the last month I have began to have fantasies about my ex-boyfriends cause I can never seem to get my husband in the mood. I have changed my hair, make-up, invested in toys, porn, planned the weekend getaway, purchased new lingerie, tried new tricks and yet we have only had sex twice since our wedding.
I am feeling completely unfulfilled and am worried I might cheat. I have brought this issue to my husband's attention numerous times but he never wants to talk about it.
This past weekend his mother died so I am now in a role of being the super, great, supportive wife which I am doing but I am freaking out inside because I fear my husband will now never want to have sex. I want to be supportive but I am worried I made a mistake.
I love him and I want to make sure he is OK as he is very vulnerable now but I am concerned that his lack of affection and intimacy will drive me to someone else's arms.
What do I do? I am posting this here cause I cannot talk to my husband about this right now since his mother died, but I am angry and frusterated and feel "ripped off."
I see my role being this super supportive, loving wife in a sexless marriage and I don't know what to do about it anymore.
Thoughts?
Christy
Re: Sexual Incompatibility
You never really had much sex before you got married but thought it would change? Why did you think this? Did you have more sex at all before or about the same?
How long did you date before getting married?
How old are you?
When you bring it up to him, when do you bring it up and what to you say?
Was his mother sick for some time? What's the story there? Could he have been in a stressful position because of this? I'd understand how it might be hard to have sex when you're thinking about how your mom is doing constantly and afraid to say goodbye.
You never really had much sex before you got married but thought it would change? Yes Why did you think this? Did you have more sex at all before or about the same? The first 2 years of our relationship we had sex on a much more frequent basis, then things tapered slightly cause we were working different schedules but in the past 4 months we have been on the same work schedules and our sex life is not improving.
How long did you date before getting married? 3 years
How old are you? 32 and I think that is part of my stress about not having sex. I will be 33 in September and I feel like I might have given up my chance to ever have kids.
When you bring it up to him, when do you bring it up and what to you say? I wait until after dinner and then I calmy bring it up and he sighs, turns his head away and walks away saying he "knows its an issue but doesn't want to talk about it."
Was his mother sick for some time? His mother had diabetes and depression but she continued to eat poorly and never left her chair in her house. What's the story there? The cause of death is being determined the autopsy results will be available soon. Could he have been in a stressful position because of this? Sure, he could be in a stressful siuation but the lack of sex occured prior to all this and now I have to stand by him cause he is vulnerable and this isn't the time to talk about this but what about 6 months, 12 months from now? What do I do then? Stay married cause I feel bad for his loss and give up my dream of buying a house and having kids?
I'd understand how it might be hard to have sex when you're thinking about how your mom is doing constantly and afraid to say goodbye. Good point, I don't know.
You do need to talk to him, but everything has its own place and time. You know your husband, choose a time when he is not in mourning, or stressed, and don't approach it from the angle that " i feel you may be driving me to cheat", but maybe explain to him that you really miss being intimate with him, and that intimacy on that level is important to you, not only as a wife, but as a women. Maybe there is a explanation, like impotence or labido that can be addressed medically.
Good Luck
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.