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Wedding gift question
My hubby and I got married almost three years ago. When we dated, were engaged and after we were married we had been to many friends weddings. Some were out of state and so we stayed the night before and after to make sure we could relax a little ourselves. We try everything to make it to things for our friends because we know they would do the same for us. Well, here is the question finally. I was always brought up if you could not make it to a wedding you should at least send a card with a little something or a small gift, especially if you say you are going to be there and then do not go. Am i correct on this or is this something that is fading out? The reason I ask this is that because I had a few close friends of mine say they would be there no matter what, but when the big day came one said she had to work and two others i did not hear from. My sister thought this was rude of them since we went to all 3 of these persons weddings no matter what and gave them some wonderful gifts to start their lives, and they did not even take the time to send even a card. Now that it is a few years later one of those friends is going to have a baby and she says likes to remind me of what happened at the wedding with them and that i should not send anything huge since they forgot us on our special day. She makes me see her side and I agree...sorta...but I am wondering what all of you think.I still want to send a card to celebrate this joyous occasion but i also do not want this to be a one sided thing.
Thanks ladies! You are the greatest!
Re: Wedding gift question
Nobody has to get you anything for your wedding day. I think it would be petty if you didn't get your friend something for her new baby, but only if you are doing it because she didn't get you something. Things happen, people forget, but obviously this is still bothering you.
Just my opinion.
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With a wedding if you RSVP Yes then you should show up, period. It is extremely rude not to show up unless there is some sort of emergency. Have you ever talked to these 3 friends about it?
Is she having a baby shower and that is why you are sending a card? I guess I'm not seeing the connection between her "going to have a baby" and you sending a card... Sounds like based on the facts above you were close with her at one time but not really anymore.
If you feel like your friendship has begun to fade, and maybe you're really not that terribly sad about it, then personally I would at least send a card.
I agree with your sister in that sometimes friendships do become terribly one-sided and you eventually have to cut the tie to protect yourself. But it sounds to me like you still feel attached to this person and want to share in their joy, which to me translates to still being a friend to them.
Thank you ladies. I agree that nobody has to get you a gift, but i guess i always thought if you got something for someone, such as a birthday, wedding, Christmas, they should return the favor to you. And yes, i used to be very close to all these people. There is only one that I really talk to anymore. One of the other ones is on my face book and we chat randomly and the other i have not talk to since right after my wedding (his wife was not happy with our friendship....and no, nothing ever happened with us, we were more like brother and sister.) I guess it had sat there so long that it bothered my sister when i asked her about baby gifts/cards. I guess we have all grown up a little differently but i always like to do the nice thing and make people happy. I figured a nice congrats on the baby card would at least be in order, which i will do.
Thanks again!
Your friend is trying to salve her conscience by telling you not to get her a baby gift because she didn't get you a wedding gift. Therefore each of you has dissed the other and you're square with each other. That's ridiculous. If you want to acknowledge and celebrate her baby's arrival, send her a gift.
Strictly speaking, no one owes anyone a gift ever, under any circumstances. A gift is to be given freely without expectation of return. If you (royal you) gives a "gift" with the expectation of getting a gift or something else in return it's not a gift it's a barter or it's payment for something. You are never *owed* a gift. Convention is that if you attend a wedding or even if you're invited, you tend to give a gift. But it certainly isn't mandatory.
And that your sister, of all people, is keeping score after three years kind of makes me raise my eyebrows. Why does she have a horse in this race?
Be the adult and buy your friend a baby gift. Send her a $10 gift card to Target inside of a cute baby card if that's all you want to do. No big deal. And let the rest of this stuff go. Life is too short.