invitation question...

Duchess0782

My parents are celebrating 30 year anniversary and both have 50 year birthdays  all within a month of each other.  My 2 sisters and I have been "told" or "informed"  that we need to do something to honor them... We are already surprising them by coming into town and delivering a puppy  (the closest of us is 5 hours away) and taking them out to a nice restaurant. Our extended family throws a party for everything  it seems like and this was our way of honoring them in a more intimate way...Besides we threw them a rocking catered dinner and reception for their 25th just 5 years ago... Anyhow...we decided to not only take them out to a nice restaurant but invite some of the closest relatives and friends ( no coworkers, high school friends they haven't seen in 20+ years etc) I've reserved a room that holds up to 40 guests and we are bringing a cake.   Anyhow... I want to invite them to JOIN us...but I don't want to make it appear that I'm paying for this as what has been done in the past. I'd like to keep it as informal as possible and would like to invite via evites or phone calls... how do I invite them to join us without implying that It'll be another all food and drinks covered event?  Am I being rude by not even entertaining the idea of covering it?    THis may be the wrong board for this and if so I apologize! TIA

TarHeels&Rebels

Hi, welcome

Since you're new, you couldn't possibly know that this gets asked about every 2 weeks

Here are a couple posts on it: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/47746764.aspx

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/42586688.aspx

 

Duchess0782

whoops.... guess i should have browsed a bit first! I'll check them out  and Thank you!

TarHeels&Rebels

You wouldn't have known from the titles of the posts - it's totally ok!  Be sure and come back and post more

vjcjenn1

I don't know, typically people ask about thier husbands 30th birthday and inviting other couples to join them and most people respond it's the norm in the crowd that everyone pays for themselves...since this is not the norm in this circle, I think this is a bad idea. Not only does it sound like the guests will expect someone to be hosting it, it sounds like your parents want you to host something as well. I just can't imagine passing a check around to 40 people.  Between the three of you, can you pitch in to cover something that you can afford. Perhaps appetizers and the cake in a cocktail setting (I'm sure the same restaurant can do this) and then you can suggest cash bar. Or limiting the guest list to a few close family members/friends of theirs that you can afford to pay for?

SBS0628

vjcjenn1:

...Not only does it sound like the guests will expect someone to be hosting it, it sounds like your parents want you to host something as well...

^^^ This.

Based on your description, I think you're risking offending both guests AND the guests of honor by not throwing some sort of shin-dig. I think your parents are probably thinking more about the dual-50th-birthday aspect as opposed to the anniversary aspect.

Like PP suggested, you're better off hosting something you can afford. I'd keep the idea of the intimate gathering with you and your siblings, since that's what you've planned. If you want to build on that, maybe do a dessert party for your parents? A bit more than cake, but still relatively cheap and festive. You could do macaroons, cookies, fruit tarts, and a cake with champage and coffee.

wweaver0

I guess I'm in the minority, but I find it off-putting that your parents "informed" you that you and your siblings need to throw them a shindig, especially if they are aware of the financial limitations. 

I do agree, though, that a anniversary dinner where everyone pays for themselves would be a little awkward to communicate.  I vote for the cocktail-style get-together.

KatieBride06

vjcjenn1:

I don't know, typically people ask about thier husbands 30th birthday and inviting other couples to join them and most people respond it's the norm in the crowd that everyone pays for themselves...since this is not the norm in this circle, I think this is a bad idea. Not only does it sound like the guests will expect someone to be hosting it, it sounds like your parents want you to host something as well. I just can't imagine passing a check around to 40 people.  Between the three of you, can you pitch in to cover something that you can afford. Perhaps appetizers and the cake in a cocktail setting (I'm sure the same restaurant can do this) and then you can suggest cash bar. Or limiting the guest list to a few close family members/friends of theirs that you can afford to pay for?

agreed. make it a lunch, brunch, or just a cake and cocktails party. people do that for wedding receptions all the time to cut down on costs.

Duchess0782

Thanks girls! My parents didn't inform, it was my aunt who suggested we do something but I do think my mom secretly hopes that it is celebrated by some shindig.   I will take your suggestions to my sisters and we'll figure something out! Thanks again!

lsgarver

I love the dessert party idea.  Include lots of champagne and a few beer/wine basics and you've got a lovely party.  Plus, it's easier to mingle this way than at a seated dinner.

Don't put yourself out financially and don't get yourself into a weird situation where 30 people are shocked and offended that you aren't paying for dinner.