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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Inlaws treat DH like sweatshop labor
THis long sorry:
This is a vent after 4yrs this & then some is how much they have cost-
BIL expenses:
$90+1 tent (plus one we had to replace cause he didnt want to ask for it back)
70+1 weedeater (")
70+1 weedeater (")
50 interbet plateplate
90 (ruined furniture +some)
40 (kids bike taken, replaced with an upgraded $70 one)
400 hot water heater
40 Kitchen sink
400 hot water heater
40 Kitchen sink
40 shower head
150 fridge
150 fridge
300+supplies in remodeling
+30 dollars in gas round trip
+fixing a car
+ labor of land scaping, remodeling plumbing from scratch
400 welder (will have to buy new one cause he doesnt want to ask for it back)
80 dollars borrowed not paid back
10k house +car
250 tax to parents cause BIL didnt want to pay, never paid back.
We have distance ourselves for the past yr, & I think he leaves his phone off the charger cause he doesnt want to deal with it. then they wander why we dont come around, then MIL came by with an extravagant to do list out of the blue she never comes to our home we live a few cities away, that have my DH doing landscaping, repairing a road, & digging out draining a pond in this cold weather.
With their new 30k tractor when a yr ago they where in bad shape. We have a child due in a few months, Im just rather annoyed. She uses the excuse that she will sell the land & property knowing that that is his inheritance. Even after he paid taxes on BILs inheritance. I didnt go to Xmas & BIL baught nice things this yr & we didnt go all out, why cause we arent around for them to use us. The list isnt as petty as how they act, it seems like everytime Im around them I dont enjoy it & have a fear of not holding my tongue after they make snide comments. I know its not my place, but its ridiculous!!! We pay people back & respect peoples things, we rarely borrow & mostly do work for cash exchanged like cutting wood n things around the house, we stopped all exchanes when they put us in the hole. Sure MIL helped us move but that cause we gave our last 250 to them & couldnt get a UHAUL to Haul our butts away from that mess. So DH works hard physical labor during the week to spend some of his weekend time trudging,for them. I will go to Easter maybe one other holiday but thats it. I guess One yr of peace and quiet was being lucky.
We even are in the middle of looking & buying a car & have so many other things on our minds.
Hey do any of u want to come over pretend ur a needy greedy
relative from my side your alotted the tab above, just a thought. Why cause my family never ask for anything & always give even though they are not
wealthy & lazy like them, no joke.
I feel like he is Cinder freaken rella.
Thanks just for listening, it was 5 degrees today & Im cooking him meal for those late hrs at his day job.
He does know but I dont think he knows what to do, he dislikes confrontations.
I wish he had a back bone, family & friends I have like that I dont go around. I guess I may have to spell it out to them.
Re: Inlaws treat DH like sweatshop labor
Unless they're literally holding a gun to his head to force him to do these things, it's his own fault for letting them push him around.
Get used to living with someone who will always say yes to Mommy and Daddy, whether you like it or not.
He even said She guilted him into it.
Why, when he was younger his exwife ruined his credit so his parents helped him then he has paid back what he owed. Then he was in a horrible accident where he had to live with his parents but worked the farm n stuff talking building fences on 70 acres+ land really hard work.
His Stepdad is a good guy its his brother & mother. Funny thing he & his step dad are very alike & nothing like them. I also noticed that step dads family doesnt like the mom & brother cause I think they know that they take advanatge of him, sad but true.
We are naming or kid after his step dad, thanks for the input have a great weekend!
How does a man with no balls produce enough sperm to create a child?
You don't have an in-law problem; you have a nutless doormat husband problem.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree: he should tell them that Sonny's Repair Shop is now closed.
This also is a serious issue. No backbone? I can imagine what other problems your husband has.
That's right: he's got a problem -- and he lets his parents and siblings come first in other areasm over you:
She uses the excuse that she will sell the land & property knowing that that is his inheritance. Even after he paid taxes on BILs inheritance.
So how come this was okay with him...AND you???
How come he paid off the taxes no questions asked???
You've got a world of problems:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/46214767.aspx
Thats the thing since he paid those taxes we havent been around its been around well over a yr the land is still in the prarents name & his step dad was having medical issues. I to have made the same points as u guys. Being family is no excuse. He has also made some points about the matter himself & I repeat what he says. Even calling his brother a sloathe.
I do know since then he hasnt been around the brother at all by his own choice, just the other day he went hiking with a friend near the property or when he goes hunting he simply doesnt go by his brothers if a friend isnt with him my oldest son is with him. Im never with him so they cant blame it on me.
You would have to know him Ive seen him help alot of people I do think that he is realizing that some people have to want to help themselves. In our relationship we do split everything equal, I know he would do the same for my parents he offered to buy my mom a laptop she declined. At some point I let him learn some things on his own & it just saddens me cause I know he knows & I know he is disappointed maybe ashamed. I do know if worse came to worse his parents even MIL would be there brother wouldnt, but its just if we ask for things its in our means & its not off the wall out there. We are realistic.
Perhaps us seperating from the situation & our finances becoming more independent & not ever asking is his way not to feel obligated, & since doing these things I do admit he has become more aware. Realizing all the stuff he can do without people latching on. I think he likes me cause Im not like that.
Or maybe MIL is mad cause I got the good one :P I have seen him tell them no maybe they want to test the boundary. He told his brother no on all future buisness adventures....
It's one thing to be a nice guy and quite another to be somebody who permits his talents and labor to be used by everybody and their uncle.
All he needs to do is say, "Sorry; can't help you. I'm too busy with other endeavors. Good luck wiht that ______ that needs a repair" and that's that.
Your inlaws are only treating him the way he has told them, a thousand different ways and times, that they are welcome to treat him.
You have a dh problem, not an inlaw problem. Has he always been a spineless wimp when it comes to his parents?
This. And I always say "if you are going to enable someone, you lose the ability to b!tch."
You can't control how much the in-laws ask their son to do stuff.
What you can control, is helping your DH understand that him going to their every beck and call is not healthy for your marriage. It has affected your finances, your freetime, and your peace of minds.
I lived with my mother-in-law for eight months several years ago, but that does not mean I feel guilty and feel the need to let her live with us down the road. (Because we learned, the hard way, living with extended family members is not healthy.)
Your DH has every right to tell his parents, like he did to his BIL: "From this day forth, if you need assistance at your property or any other to-do items, you will need to contact a business professional, someone other than myself." rinse and repeat. If in-laws call and throw a tantrum, he can tell them: "The decision has been made."
His parents are trying to power manipulate him, making him probably think that if he doesn't help them out, then he will be removed from an inheritance. That is not right, and him getting a backbone will be worth more than an inheritance. (That's for you to decided, but living life as an indentured servant...no)