The family has stopped being totally disrespectful... (long)

hedgefun

The good news: My extended family on my dad's side (including my grandmother) has pretty much stopped the "why are you doing this to us" / "you could get any man you wanted" / "why are you shoving this in our face" / "you better give birth to any kids so we can say they're related to us" / any other crazy nonsensical comments. 

But... Now they're pretending that DW doesn't exist.  We went through that with my dad, and things with him are fine now.  So I think we can keep working on things.

More good news: My dad (who used to act like the rest of them) has come around and now sticks up for me if the rest of them start talking crazy behind my back.  I think his wife deserves a lot of credit for this.  

Kind of "eh" news: My mom has been pretty good with things all along.  She loves DW and will call her just to talk.  She's now started referring to DW as her DIL, but I think this is just around us.  Based on how some of my conversations went last night, her friends seem oblivious to my relationship situation.  I only have to associate with these people once a year anyway, so I'm not that worried about it.  It just seemed odd and I started to worry (maybe unnecessarily) about how she really feels.  I want to give her one of our wedding pictures, but I'm afraid of how she'll react.  I know it sounds stupid, but I know I'll be really upset if she just sticks it in a drawer.  

berriesnpie

This sadly reminds me so much of my family. I'm glad they've stopped being completely disrespectful, but I hope they slide along the road to totally accepting rainbow-wearing LGBT allies soon.

Kershnic

That sounds so frustrating!  But if they've changed this much already I'm sure that with time and conversations they can get even better!  I'm so thankful that my DW and I are fortunate to have supportive families.  I agree that it would be really hurtful if your mom stuck your wedding picture in a drawer.  Can you talk to her about your feelings before you make the decision?

berriesnpie

Also, my parents put up pictures of my wedding all over our family room. I was so touched until I realized that none of them have my wife in them. I think one might have part of her arm from a bad photoshop job. It looks like it's a bunch of family vacation photos.

 

hedgefun

Thanks everyone!  I talked to my mom last night about it seeming like she isn't telling people that I'm married.  I just brought it up casually, and she seemed to have good reasons for not telling certain people.  Most of the time it was, "I only saw them for a minute, I didn't have time."  I'm still a bit skeptical because she had time to give them so much detail about my job. 

We're about to head out to lunch with another family friend in a little while.  I know she knows that DW and I are married because her son told her (I'm pretty good friends with her kids).  I can almost guarantee that my mom didn't say anything about it.  I've had so many conversations with her daughter about how they never talk about our personal lives with each other.  They'll talk about my job or the friend's daughter's grad school and work.  In terms of personal life stuff, my mom always comes to me to find out about her friend's daughter and the friend goes to her daughter to find out about me. We'll normally just say, "Why don't you ask her mom?"  It's all very strange. It's like... they know that the other one's daughter is a lesbian, but they just kind of don't talk about it. 

I also asked my mom if she wanted a copy of this picture of me with DW from our wedding, and she said yes.  I'll probably print it out today and see what happens.   Maybe I was worried for nothing about that, but I think the fact that she isn't telling people is the bigger thing.  It just makes it awkward.  We'll continue to work through it I suppose.  

berriesnpie - that's terrible about the wedding pictures minus your DW.  Did you ever work through that and get them to put up the real photos?