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Frustrated! What should I do?
Okay, so this will probably be somewhat long, but I'll try to make it as short as possible. Not sure what to do or if I'm just being a big "baby" about the situation...
Let me start it with a little "background" info...my older brother (and SIL) are comepletely "selfish" people. All they care about is themselves. The ONLY time they call/text me is when they need/want something. And they expect me to drop anything I'm doing to help them when they need it. But are NEVER willing to do anything in return. Just a couple examples: A little over 4 years ago I went 6 months without a job and was COMPLETELY broke. Could barely feed myself. Called my brother to ask if I could have a couple pieces of bread so that I could make me a sandwich. What does my brother say? "I can't, we only have a half a loaf left". There was another time that I needed them to bring me my spare keys (was sick and locked out in the cold). And SIL said she couldn't because of her meds and that bro couldn't because he was already running late for work. (Well thanks for even attempting to ask him, especially since where I'm locked out is on his way to work.) I pretty much don't even exist to them and they live just around the corner. 3 nieces, 2 nephews and I have to be the one to call them and ask what plans are for bdays, holidays, etc. (I'm 26, divorced, and they are the only family that I have here). I am very bitter towards them about a LOT of stuff.
Now the "situation"....I get a text from my brother TODAY wanting to know if my 17 year old niece can stay with me this weekend because they (bro, SIL, and the two youngest) are going to Houston this weekend and they don't want to let her stay home by herself because her bf lives just around the corner. First of all, how are you going to ask me TWO DAYS before you need her to stay when you've known about it for at LEAST 2-3 weeks? Second, she is (not in a bad way) pretty much a 17 year old prude. She a little over a year ago broke up with one of her bf's because he wanted to make out with her and she said he was "moving too fast". I highly doubt she's really going to do anything wrong. She's a VERY trustwortly girl.
So anyway, I told him I'm not sure because I might be going out of town as well. (Not really true- just trying to "prove a point" so to speak). Am I just being bitter and need to get over it, or do I have a right to be mad and upset about it all? Sorry so long, just really frustrated with the situation.
Re: Frustrated! What should I do?
I'm not sure this is the right hill to make your stand on (but, oh, I do feel the desire for you to make a stand!)
The reason for this is because in punishing your B and SIL, would you also be "punishing" your niece? Is there a chance she's kind of scared to stay alone? That she'd just like to spend time with you?
If that's not the case, then by all means, if you don't want this responsibility, don't feel AT ALL like you have to take it. But, just make sure your niece doesn't get caught in the mix.
(In interest of full disclosure, I have a cool, fun aunt that, even as a teenager, I LOVED spending time with. She's had some beef with my mom over the years, and it sucked to be stuck in the middle sometimes.)
I would be very frustrated too. I probably would talk directly to your brother. Tell him exactly how you feel. I think you should spend some time with your niece if you don't have anything else going on. I don't think you should let your relationship with her suffer because her parents are being d-bags. Is she enjoyable to be around? Will she be a fun tag along to go out to eat a restaurant, go running at the gym, etc? I'd make the best out of it and maybe even make it clear to the 17yo that you'd love to know about birthdays, special dinners, etc. if she wants to call you. Maybe if she knows you want to include her, she'll start bringing it to her parents' attention that maybe they should send an invite your way.
With five kids, I bet your brother and SIL are exhausted. I would probably guess that most of their thought process centers around the multiple activities and things going on with kids, their jobs, etc.
Or...maybe your brother and SIL just suck and you need to find some other people to call in case you are in an emergency type situation. A few good friends can sometimes be so much more beneficial to your life than family.
I hope you're able to talk to your brother and let him know how you feel and ask if you guys can possibly have a closer relationship. Don't let yourself become a doormat. If you want to say no, you can say no! Good luck!
One of my nieces is my brother's first born and she lives with her mother and is never around. Then this other particular niece and one of my nephews are SIL's from her previous marriage. That nephew now lives with his dad in Colorado. And then the two youngest are thier two together.
She would actually probably be thrilled to stay home by herself. And they've let her before, but she didn't live this close to her boyfriend (and niether of them were driving at the time). Not sure about her being excited about staying here with me. And realistically she probably will only be sleeping here between school stuff and her job.
I have let my brother know NUMEROUS times to let me know about soccer games, cheer competitions, etc for the kids as well as holidays, birthdays, etc. (Speaking of which, maybe I would like to go to Houston and see my niece's cheer competition as well...but of course they don't think about that.) I have also "vented" to my mom about it and she's told them several times "make sure your sister gets schedules so she can go to games, etc too" and they have yet to actually do it.
I'm sure I will probably end up telling him it's fine that she does. But right now I'm just so upset that they are constantly doing stuff like this and I'm constantly dropping everything and bending over backwards to help them and never get anything in return.
And with the "emergency situation", I was off from work for vacation and everyone that I could think of to help me out (other than bro & SIL) were already at work. But I FINALLY found someone to help me out.
I'm thinking about sending my brother an email or text and just telling him that I will go ahead and do it, but telling him how I feel about the situation. And how they always expect me to drop what I'm doing for them (at the last minute), but they can't ever help me out in return and that it needs to stop. And that the only time I exist to them is when they need something. I just don't want to cause any "issues" or "drama" between us since they are the only family that I have here. And my brother is the type of person (obviously) who is stubborn, thinking only of himself, and will get mad if I try to put him in his place and he will hold a grudge about it. But they need to respect me and take into consideration that I have a life other than being there at their every beck and call.
Thanks girls!!
Do what you want in this situation. I would however tell him no and then tell him why and let him know that he and his wife are the problem.
I kind of know how you feel but I have my mom, sister and brother who all treat me the way your being treated. Now that I am married and have my own life they still think I should drop everything for them and when I don't they get mad and I really don't care anymore. They don't do crap for me when I ask beacuse they are all too busy. I do know one day we will all have a big falling out but its been a long time coming so when it happens I will be ready.