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Naming Etiquette
I am Greek and my family is Greek (from Greece). I call all my aunts
and uncles Thea and Theo. Like Thea June and Theo Victor.
Now, my sister-in-law (husband's sister) is having a baby. They are English. My question is who's decision is it usually to decide what the baby will call us? I want to be called Thea Jenny, but most likely they will call me Aunt Jen if I don't say anything. I don't have a problem with Aunt Jen, but I would prefer Thea Jenny. Is it rude or inappropriate to interject?
There is a baby shower this weekend and I wanted to sign my card "Thea Jenny" or "Aunt Jen" and I'm not sure what to do. Should I avoid doing that and just let them decide? Thanks!
Re: Naming Etiquette
I'd go with Thea Jenny for now.:)
You bring back memories from the old days where we called the aunts Chucha or Chuch. (we are Polish)
You can always ask, but don't get mad or sad if it doesn't stick.
My MIL wants to hav the grandchildren callher Nonna (Italian). None of the g-kids call her this. She keeps on trying to push it but it just doesn't roll out naturally for any of the kids. Whats more is she doesn't even speak Italian!
This. I also agree with PP about signing it the way you want to be called. It will at least open the conversation up about what you and they prefer. My niece and nephews call my SIL's parents Nanna and Pop-Pop. They call my parents Grandma and Grandpa Boston, but that's a different story.
In my family, our great grandmothers, starting with my generation's great grandma, are Grandma-Grandma. We called my great grandmother that and now my niece and nephews call my grandmother (their great grandmother) that. Well, my MIL wants her grandchildren to call her Grandma LastName, which is really close sounding to Grandma-Grandma. I've already nicely explained that that name is already reserved for my side of the family, and how it means even more to me now that I'm not sure how long our kids will have their Grandma-Grandma (she's very sick and might not even live to see our kids). Of course this is all a moot point as we don't have kids yet, but she's the one that brings it up every time I talk about my Grandma-Grandma (She'll say things like, "I still really hope my grandkids, including your kids, will call me Grandma LastName.") For now, I just ignore her since kids for us are still a couple years away.
Start Writing Thea Jenny. Have your DH call you Thea Jenny whenever there is a conversation to your (you and DH) relationship to the kiddypoo.
Other than that, go with the flow. Recognize that kids will call people things that you never thought they would....and it will be sweeter because its an unique connection between the two of you.
As for the Grandparent names....
Outside of the fact that the KIDS won't be confused if two Grandmothers being called Nonna. THEY will know who they are trying to communicate with.
The issue is with the GRANDMOTHER. And at that point, neither GRANDMOTHER wins at who has a stronger attachment to a name, no matter the history. I mean really.
We are going through this right now. My Mother is Italian and wanted Nana (Nonna is a sacred name LOL). Well, my Bro's MIL is also a Nana. AND both my Father and Bro's FIL are called PopPop.
My Mother tried to pull a "we have claim to the name because of familial history" carp on us. But you know what, Bro's MIL was just as attached to the word Nana as Mom. Her feelings are JUST AS VALID as my Mothers. Her family traditions are just as valid as my Mothers.
And in the END, it still falls to the kids to make the decison. MY MIL is called Gammy by ALL of her Grandkids but one. My Niece AVA (5th grandkid) calls her Mugga. Even though MIL initially TRIED to force Gammy.
Everyone knows who AVA is talking about. None of the Grandkids (my 2 yo included) gets confused.
So again, you can sublty sway it (and I would). But dont demand it or be upset if it doesnt happen. As long as there is a title and respect when used.
I think it is totally appropriate to bring it up and mention you would love to be called this.
I am struggling with this with my mom. She wants my children to call her "Nana", a name I NEVER called any of my grandmothers. I called them all Grandma FirstName. I just don't see "Nana" being a Grandma name. It honestly bothers me, the idea of my mom being called Nana. It reminds me of the dog in Peter Pan. It doesn't help that I think she wants it because her best friend has a new grandchild, the grandchild is calling her Nana. I just hope she gets over the craze before we have children...
My DHs first wifes family is Greek, so its Thea and Theo for aunt and uncle and papu and yiayia for grandparents.
DH was a widower when we met, her family adopted me and exposed me to Greek culture.
The one thing I think might be an issue is that its your DHs brother not yours so its not their culture at all, but I would certainly go with it.
One a cute side note one of DHs sisters is called Dina and her nephew when he was little struggled with the TH sound in Thea and pronounced it fina so she is forever Fina Dina.
I see nothing wrong w/ requesting that you be called Thea. But of course, w/ the understanding that it just might not work - but you never know.
The naming issue, for me, is about finding the right balance. I don't want to be called Mrs. last name by my friends kids. It's way too formal. When GOOD friends of ours started calling us that to their DS, we were both like "uh, no".
W/ everyone else, we go by first names.
BUT - I respect that they may not want their kids to call adults by just their first name. If they wanted their kids to call us Miss first name and Mr. first name, eh, I can roll with that.
There just needs to be a balance between what each party wants. And Thea vs Aunt isnt' all that drastic, I can't see that they would have a problem with it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
What does your brother want?
It's his family's tradition, I'd think he would be the one to say he wanted to carry it on. "On our side, we say Thea and Theo for the aunts and uncles." I wouldn't assume his wife would object to something so simple. Her family could use the Aunt and Uncle titles.
I think you may be overthinking this. Just start where you'd like to end, with Thea Jenny. It your family's tradition. SImple.
As I said, I just ignore her now because it's a non-issue for now. She's the one who brings it up whenever we're talking about something and I say, "Oh yah, my Grandma-Grandma was like that/did that." I just change the subject and move on.
I married into a Greek family. I knew my ILs wanted Yiayia and Papou, and before I had kids I wasn't keen on it. Not having grown up Greek it just sounded strange to me.
Guess what my kids call my ILs? Yep, they just sort of fell into it because the ILs signed things that way. They referred to themselves that way, as did DH. I went with the flow and it just worked out without anybody being rude or pushy.
What I'd suggest is that you sign the card Thea Jenny. Refer to yourself that way. As pps have said, that will open up a discussion about it with your BIL and SIL if they were planning on Aunt. Honestly, it could be that they don't care either way and would default to Aunt simply because they aren't Greek...if you gently and politely make your preference known this could be a non-issue.
Keep in mind (and this applies to other posts in this thread as well) that kids have minds of their own. My parents planned on being Grandma and Grandpa. No reason other than that it was the norm, and my sister intended to use those same terms. Then along came the first grandchild, my niece, and she decided somewhere along the way that they were Nana and Pop Pop. The four grandchildren that followed did the same because it's what they heard their older cousin/sister saying. The best laid plans often go right out the window with kids!
Sign the card 'Thea Jen' and if they pick up on it, great.
If not, don't force it. One of my BILs insisted that the nieces and nephews call him 'Unkey' HisName. It just didn't catch on and it's still super awkward when he tries to get them to do it...like he's just trying too hard. Granted Thea and Theo are much more sensible than some random mispronunciation of aunt or uncle, but I guess my point is that it's probably better to let it happen organically...or not.
It's up to you to designate what it is you want to be called; so sign the card Thea Jenny.
If they ignore that, because they don't know what it means, or hate it, well, then they ignore it. But they'll never guess, unless you tell them, that this is what you want to be called.
My 2.5 year old and 1.5 year old don't have any issues distinguishing between their aunts who prefer to be called "Aunt Firstname" and their aunts who prefer "Zia Firstname."
We asked the aunts and uncles what they preferred to be called by our children. Ditto the grandparents.
I think the point is that you consider this an issue at all.
I understand that you consider Grandma-Grandma to be special but it's completely reasonable that your MIL wants to be called by her own name.
To OP, I think it's ok to request and to label yourself as Thea, however like pp said it may or may not stick.
Also the parents may genuinely be happy for you to be called Thea, but if they're used to Aunt and Uncle, then Thea will be a habit that may or may not be easy for them to get into.