Family Matters
JNL$LSM
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Family Issues WWYD???
I am not trying to make this long but I need some advice. My sister and I do not talk what so ever. That is a long story. Her husband HATES me, and decided that he will do everything in his power to make sure I never see her/their kids.
I was sad about it at first because, my husband and I have let them live with us and have help them out over and over. However, I am have come to grips with it and cool with. To be honest I do not want to see my sister or her husband. However, I got a text from my aunt today saying the two older kids (my sister?s kids with another guy) will be saying at my Grandparents? house for a few days.
The oldest is leaving on Wednesday and the youngest will be leaving on the 24th. I told my aunt that we will not be coming by to see them because we do not want any problems with my sister?s husband. However, a few minutes after sending the text, my niece calls my phone. She puts her little brother on the line he tells me he missed me and he wants to come to my house. Now I am confused I do not want drama with my sister and her husband, because he has one more time to call me b!tch and I am going to go off. However, I do not want to mean to the kids. What should I do???
Re: Family Issues WWYD???
Your sis and her H should not prevent the kids from contacting you at all whatsoever.
You are still their aunt. Whatever type of qualm the sis and BIL have with you shouldn't even be a factor.
I'm a bit worried that your BIL has isolated your sis from you -- didn't your sis ever find out why he doesn't like you? Do you know why he does not like you?
I'm worried because this sounds like a great deal more than a control issue on his part.
He does not like me because when they were living with us we put down some rules. Like they had to pay two bills the electric which was $160.00 and the cable bill/internet which was $165.00. He knows how much I love my niece and nephew, so to get back at me he said they will never see me again. He will do everything in his power to make them forget about me. I guess it did not work because my niece called me (because she is at my Grandparents) and my nephew kept asking to come over to my house.
My nephew in the passed told me that my sister husband was mean to him and that he was scared of him.
He is a very controlling guy he tells my sister what to do how to do it etc. At one point they were living in a homeless shelter. L Now they live in a two bedroom apartment. It is 8 kids and four adults living there.
See the children. Let them know you love them and are there for them.
How much more drama can he cause since he already hates you and keeps your sister from you? I wish this was MUD because I hate to think of the living conditions for those children.
Thank you! I wish it was mud but it is not. My parents tried to call DCFS on them because they visit the apartment and were gross out from it. However, they have not done anything. To make matters worse, their first child together has cancer. The doctors stress to them that his immune system is down due to chemo and other treatments and that he should not be around a lot of people. Of course they do not listen.
If these kids have any chance of leading normal, functional adult lives, they're going to need stable influences like you and your DH. See the kids.
Thank you all, yes we will make another report. My DH and I are going tomorrow to see the kids.
I cannot wait to see them.
He's nuts and over the top; he was staying there? then you had a right to have him chip in for the utilities he used. This is too bad he's like this.
I guess I was right about the control issue. It's not so great for your sis or the kids.
But big picture, I actually disagree w/ the above. Realistically, if you dont' get along w the parents, you aren't going to have access to their kids. It's just the way it works.
As I'm not (I don't think) nuts - if there were someone I truly didn't like and didnt' want in my life, you can darn well guarentee that I'm not going to give them access to my kids w/o me! Again, in a sane world, if there is a reason I don't like a person, why on earth would I allow them to see my kids?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My feelings exactly. In this situation, yes, I would see the kids since the circumstances seem to warrant it. But I don't think I would say the same under different circumstances having dealth with something like this as a child. My maternal grandmother is pretty much the spawn of Satan. My mom tried to keep her away from us as children, but unfortunately my great grandmother always let her see us when we were visiting without my mom's knowledge. Not a good situation to be in and it made me really distrust my great grandmother when I finally heard the whole story about why my mom was keeping us from our grandmother. Just because you are related does not mean you have a right to see the kids.
Another in agreement with the above.
And the child-protective services won't pull a kid out for a messy home unless the mess is affecting the health of the child (all other things being kosher that is).
Were the bills/rules given to BIL after he had already moved in? That's just a bizarre reason for all the family drama to come down. It had to be more than that on one side or the other. It may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but it's too strange otherwise.
I'm sensing from your post that your niece and nephew aren't his kids - so you really don't have to abide by his rules.
I would suggest, to minimize the drama, that you meet the kids in a public place (park, ice cream store). I wouldn't want to associate grandma's house with secrets / deception.
"Her husband HATES me, and decided that he will do everything in his power to make sure I never see her/their kids. "
well your sister seems to be ok with this considering you don't talk at all.
if it were me i'd probably contact your sister and see what's up. I wouldn't just go see them while they're there-that would put the kids and your grandparents in themiddle if your sis/bil think they went behind their back to set up a meeting-even if the kdis called you themselves.
THIS. I am all for people keeping their children away from people who are bad for them, regardless of relation. But, obviously the issues there are between you and your BIL, not you and the children. See them. Fight for your right to have a relationship with your family.