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Family heirloom ?
When FIL passed away, my MIL moved and so lots of stuff was chucked and now most of her stuff is in storage. DH didn't want anything except some of the musical instruments because he plays them. There was a lot of resistance to us taking the instruments, even though they would have just sat in storage. There was an old violin that belonged to their great grandfather. It is broken, but a family heirloom anyway - its not really worth much.
DH took it in to see how much it would be to get it fixed so he can play it. I was hesitant because its a few hundred dollars. When he mentioned that he was fixing it up, all of a sudden his brother is super interested in it and said they need to discuss it since its all of theirs. I told DH to back off because I know the scenario, if DH doesn't fix it up, it'll stay broken in a storage unit never to be touched. But the minute its fixed everyone is going to want it.
Last night, MIL is over and DH says he is selling an old guitar of his father's. MIL immediately is like well how much are you getting - uh. He says, I'm taking the money to put towards fixing the violin. Next thing you know.. .she wants to know how much the violin is worth, then tells him when its fixed she wants it to show a great uncle, etc, and hinted that she should hold onto it. She must've repeated 10 times that it is a FAMILY item and that it belongs to the FAMILY.
I sat in the other room so frustrated. I understand that it is a family heirloom and part of me wants him to restore it so our kids have something that was their great great grandfathers. But, part of me wants nothing to do with the stupid thing because the minute it is fixed it is going to become drama and in the end, we will not have it. It will sit in his brothers or his mothers basement/garage/closet and we'll have shelled out $ for it. MH just wants it around to play it. Uh.
What do you think?
Re: Family heirloom ?
I think your husband should have kept his mouth shut. If he never said anything to anyone, you guys could have gotten it fixed and he could have played it to his heart's content without anyone being the wiser. Now unfortunately, I think you are right. Once you pay to fix it, there is no way that you are going to be able to keep it.
This situation totally sucks.
My family has tons of heirlooms and we don't all share everything. Whichever house a particular heirloom is in then that is the person it belongs to. I have lots of family stuff that was given to me over the years. Even though they are family heirlooms they do not belong to my other family members, they belong to me!
If the violin and guitar are in your possession in your home they are yours and the family has no input as to what you do with your property. Yes, they are family heirlooms, but that doesn't mean every person in the family gets to share them. I couldn't even imagine if I had to pass all my heirlooms around to other family members every time they wanted to show something off to someone. If I were dh, I would put my foot down and tell everyone to get over it and if they want to come see the violin once it's finished they can come to your house to look at it.
I agree with Clouts that if you DH had just kept mum about this, there probably would have never been an issue. Unfortunately, it's out there now, and it doesn't sound like the situation will resolve itself in your favor. It sucks that family can get so grabby with passed down items only after there is the potential for monetary value involved. We went though a similar situation with DH's mom, and I could have gutter slammed her for the way she was acting.
Maybe your MIL and my MIL should hang out together. On an island. Far, far away...
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
http://cookthehumbletable.blogspot.com/
My hope is that it isn't about the $$ and unfortunately I think right now its about the fact that it is in our house. I think that MIL would prefer it to be in her storage because of the "in my house, its mine" idea. But it just seems so silly to me to have something that could be used and enjoyed sitting in storage over a "claim" of whose it is. That it could be so threatening for us to have possession if he is going to use it. Am I so wrong to think he has a right to use it?
I agree, my thoughts exactly as I sat in the other room listening to the conversation. I wanted to run out there and tell DH to be quiet. But, in another regard my heart was so broken because he was so excited and wanted to share with his mom his excitement. It wasn't the only thing he shared with her last night that I wish he didn't. But I can't blame the guy if his heart is in the right place wanting to share things he's happy and proud of to his mom. Unfortunately, I know better and know that somethings are better left unsaid, unless asked or even if asked.
Yeah, so last year I mentioned my father's camera on FB and my brother, who gave it to me 12 years ago, decided he wanted it back. He said he loaned it, not gave it. Next thing I know I get a nasty FB message from SIL. I got really upset but took the high road,plus didn't have much of a choice since I went into early labor :P Brother hasn't spoken to me since then, no congrats on your daughter etc. My brother and I have never gotten into a fight in our lives.
Material things of people who have past do weird things to people sadly. It sucks that your DH has to keep his mouth shut and can't share with his family his excitement, but that's the way it is
Ugh, this is a tough situation. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with this in my own family, but DH has lost his grandfather and (very unexpectedly) his aunt in the last year and a half, so we've had all the wacky extended family that are usually nowhere to be found voicing opinions and the "I want this..." It's gross. There was an awkward situation where we were going to get her car, but his other aunt wanted it for her 16 year-old daughter who still doesn't have a license. Thankfully, I talked DH out of getting involved and we have moved on. Seriously though, they were trying to discuss it with us at the funeral!
Of course, a car is not a treasured violin - I hope your DH is able to convince his family that he is the best person to take care of it.
I am so sorry about your brother. It's so true that $ and material things can really do strange things to people. Some of my family members aren't taking bc they got in a fight over a small amount of money from an aunt who passed away -- it just seems so silly.
Trippin, wish I had an answer for you. It seems like you should be able to say "there is a ton of stuff and this is something we want" and everyone should just deal with it. It's not the like violin can be passed around from house to house -- what's the point of that?!
I agree with this...and it totally blows.
Well, if everyone wants a piece of this violin, then everyone should chip in to help repair it. If they're not willing to do that, then they don't deserve any part of it.
Is there anyone else (aside from this great-uncle or whoever) who would even play it besides Nick?