Would you consider your IL's "real family"?

mrs chicken

DH has 4 sisters.  I am very close to 2 of them (we go to the gym together 4 days a week).  One of the ones I am not close to is getting married in October, and has planned a big wine tasting weekend for her bachelorette party.  The problem?  She did not invite me or her other bro's wife b/c we are "not real family"

To be honest, I'm not that sad to not be invited to a wine tasting weekend (it falls during my busy season, and I don't want to take off work), but on the other hand, I'm a little sad I'm not invited to the in town "real family" events. 

The SIL's I'm close to and MIL just roll there eyes at this.  I know I should too....maybe it's the whole Friday night a glass too many of wine thing....

Would this bother you? 

Kathiiy

People's families are all so different!!

DH's sister is getting married in a month and I wasn't invited to her Hen's do, but DH was invited to her fiances Stag party.  We aren't close at all, so I totally understand it.  However, in your situation I can see how it might bother you a little, since you are close to two of the sisters who will be attending.

In my opinion, Are you 'real family'? Probably not, as real to her might mean a blood relation.  Should you have been invited?  Yes, as you are obviously part of the family. 

 

 

srveatch

I would consider IL's real family as you can't pick them just like you can't pick your real family.  She may be jealous of your relationship with her sisters.  In any case, I wouldn't worry too much about it, you can't control other's actions.  

maddie7

Blood is blood. No I dont feel they are real family, just close friends. I feel my MIL really cares for me. She was snowed in here over Christmas and I spent a lot of time with her and got to know her. His sisters are older and we dont have a whole lot in common, but my DH doesnt either. His brother lives so far, but I feel a connection with him because they are close. 

If I were you I would feel hurt. I would def. feel hurt. Does your other SIL's say anything to you about it since you are close?  I guess be happy you are close to 2 of them, I would love "sisters" to go to the gym with.

aweilba

Hm... personally, I feel that it wasn't a very nice move of your SIL, but I guess I can understand where she's coming from.  I, however, would never dream of having a family event and not include my in-laws.  DH and I dated all through junior year of high school, though, so his family really is like a second family to me.  I guess it really depends how close you are to your ILs to determine if you consider them family or not.  I do still call them my in-laws, not my family, but I invite them to family events that DH and I have at our house.

hinmighty

I wouldn't have been upset until the whole "not real family thing" - that's just kind of mean.  DH doesn't have any sister's but I invited his 2 SIL's to my bachelorette party.  I am only really close to one of them, and with no little surprise - she was the only SIL who came.  I agree - everyone is different.  I think so people choose to embrace their IL's and other don't.  I am not particularly close with my IL's besides that one SIL.  I would be put off by the situation for a minute - but I wouldn't let it bother me too much.

e_jakiela

It would bother me a little, but that's because I always try to include everyone I think would care to be there.  It's not only the bachelorette, but baby showers, birthdays, etc. I hate feeling that I omitted someone who would have cared to be part of something I organized.

DH's sister is only 6 years older than me and she was one of my BMs.  I love her, and really feel that she is part of the family.  DH is really close to her, they talk at least twice a week even though she lives in Atlanta and we in NY.  His SIL is 12 years older than DH, and 14 than me... She is not a bad person, but tends to do some things that just bother me... there seems to be this constant competition between her and DH's sister, and I just don't even try to understand it anymore.  We also have not received a gift from DH's brother (GM) and her and I feel like we just won't receive it anymore... I still feel that she is part of the family. 

moshi's paw

Could "not real family" be translated into a panicked excuse version of "we can't afford to have you tag along"?  I'm not saying it's right or polite, but maybe there are other reasons behind her crass words. 

 DH's family is as close to a real family as I can get, and I'm really lucky.  SIL is the sister I always wanted and we've gotten pretty close, and I adore his parents (even the oompa-loompa MIL and even after the almost pre-nup disaster).  When my mother passed away, almost everyone from DH's family attended the funeral, and those who couldn't sent flowers, cards, and phone calls.  DH's BIL was a pallbearer as well, and SIL did one of the readings at the service for us.  I was so touched that they were all thereThey said it's because we're family, and I certainly couldn't argue with that.  Count me in the lucky category.

noodle_oo

I'm of 2 minds on this. 

On the one hand, I'm not close to my husband's family.  I think they sort of tolerate me, but we would never choose to spend time with other if it wasn't for DH.  This includes his siblings, who i wish I got along with better, but we are just very different people.  They also live far away, maybe we'd be clsoer if we saw each other more frequenlty, but I"m not sure.

On the other hand:  if they were nearby, I would never not invite them to any significant event.  Even though we are not close, we are family (whether we all like it or not).  And the fact that she said to anyone that you aren't "real" family is pretty rude.  So yeah, I'd be upset too.

branz7

My ILs live on the other side of the country, but they are still real family to me. My one BIL even calls me "sis" all the time.  I think I fell into  a very fortunate situation with my ILs tho, and I'm aware that not everybody got so lucky.

However, I do find the actions of your SIL to be very rude.  You married her brother; if she has any love or respect for her brother at all, you are his wife, and you are HIS family now, so even if she doesn't consider you her real family, you are still very much "real family" to your husband, I should hope! 

To be honest, I've never bought the "blood is blood" thing.  I'm blessed with amazing immediate family, but some of the extended fam...well let's just say I'm glad they don't live near me.  I have many friends whom I consider to be real family vs. the extended family I was born into, seriously.

In the end: It's obviously her choice.  And pp are right, you can't control her anyways.  Family is always a bit tricky, real or not! :-)