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Am I just being cheap?
I have a question for you ladies!
My sister is getting married in July and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Naturally I accepted and assumed there were going to be out of pocket expenses. Well, my sister must think we are all maid of $$$ because she is demanding (yes, demanding) the bridal party stay at the marriott the night before the wedding at our expense, because she wants the whole party there the day of her wedding without worrying someone is going to be late. OK, whatever, I booked a room.
She wants the bridesmaids to also wear a $120.00 dress (a dress I will NEVER wear again) and that we also pay $120.00 for hair and makeup.
She is also expecting her bridesmaids to throw her a bridal shower that will have around 50 guests and wants a bbq for the guys to be able to join in after. Which she wants us to pay for.
I have already offered to make a picture movie with all her engagement pictures and make copies for all the parents on top of making water bottle labels and the place cards so people know what table they are at etc.
Am I wrong in thinking this is a little ridiculous?
I have never been part of the bridal party before so I have no idea what is expected.
Re: Am I just being cheap?
I was a bridesmaid in 5 weddings.... and did most all of that for each one... I know it is expensive, but I guess I just did it knowing that these friends had the same expenses when I got married.
We all stayed together before each of the weddings, but the bride always paid for that as a gift to the bridesmaids.
$120 isn't bad for bridesmaids dress..... at least not in my opinion. $120 for hair/make-up is a lot, but just think that you're spending the time with your sister on her wedding day and you're getting pampered!
I will tell you that I had one bridesmaid that bitched about every single cost involved in my wedding, and it sucked! Everyone else understood.....
It's a lot of work to be in a wedding, but my advice would be to make it as wonderful for your sister as possible, because she'll only get married once (you hope!!!)
<a href="http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/wayfastwhitegirl/?action=view
Well, I didn't have any cost like that other then the dress and shoes. My sister (MOH) asked to throw me a shower and my girlfriend threw me my bach party, as far as the night before the wedding my MOH & my cousin spent the night with me. I wanted each girl to be comfortable so I said how ever you want your hair is fine with me (i knew they wouldn't do anything crazy) and same with makeup.
With that being said, the cost that you are talking about seem pretty normal to me, being a aprt of a wedding is not a cheap thing, but I do agree with pp to complain about the cost to the bride would just make the experience less fun for her. The one thing I think is it is important to remember this is HER day and what SHE wants should be granted because again like pp have said she will only get married once and wouldn't you want the best experience possible in this amazing journey for your sister? I know I would.
I may be alone in this...but I think what she is expecting is absolutely ridiculous.
The dress, yes...that is an expected expense, and although being told to wear whatever dress you'd like in a specific colour would be easier,$120 isn't an insane amount.
The hair/makeup. I paid for my girls to get their hair done that morning with me. If I couldn't afford to pay for it myself, I would have given them the option, but not expected it.
I also paid for the hotel suite the night before the wedding and the girls stayed with me. This = acceptable. Expecting you all to pay your way through that too is silly to me.
The shower/bbq. Although it is common practice for the maids to throw a shower for the bride (and take the cost) it is up to them if they do, and it is up to them to plan according to their budget. Expecting you to have a specific type of party is rude, and demanding the bbq afterwards is extremely rude.
I can't said it enough. Ridiculous.Rude.Demanding.
I simply wouldn't be up for being part of this wedding more than buying the dress and showing up. Mainly for the reason that she seems selfish and righteous.
Yes, it is her one day to get married, but her attitude and expectations are way out of line. YES weddings are expensive, and out of pocket expenses are usually required, but as a bride I would never expect this kind of monetary commitment.
Maybe I'm a cruel b1tch, and maybe it's the hormones. But I totally judge brides who don't treat their maids right. It should be enough that you stand up and support her on her big day. You aren't a slave.
She originally said that she was going to pay for hair and makeup, and a couple days after he birthday (jan 31) she texted all the girls and said she couldn't afford it and we were going to have to pay for it. I slightly had an issue with this, but was going to ignore it. Turns out she can't pay for it because she rented a cabin in Big Bear and had a grand o'l time for her birthday and spent tons of cash. This I had a big problem with because she is always saying she is broke because of her wedding.
I understand all you ladies are saying it is all involved with being in a wedding, but she is a total Bridezilla! She is also saying that I am the only one complaining about it, and the other girls haven't said a word. Well, I am the only one the still doesn't live with my parents and has to budget.
No matter what I am going to pay for it because she is my sister and I love her, but I just think it is ridiculous because she is expecting so much.
I am also tired of her saying that if I don't pay for it my Mom and Dad will. She doesn't seem to understand that it is not their wedding to pay for. Neither of them have the extra $$$ lying around to pay for her expensive taste.
<a href="http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/wayfastwhitegirl/?action=view
<a href="http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/wayfastwhitegirl/?action=view
No, you are not wrong in your thinking. I think she is being over the top.
The dress - I don't think that is unreasonable. I know it's not cheap, but there are dresses are that are definitely more expensive than that.
Hair and make-up - I would NEVER have required my girls to get their hair (and especially make-up) done. I know it's not cheap, and several of my girls have kids, were going to school, and just did not have the extra money to do that. I said that I was getting my hair done at X Salon the morning of, and that if they wanted to have their hair done to let me know so I could make them an appt. If they didn't want to (or really, couldn't afford it), I just told them what time to meet us. Most of them did book a hair appointment, but one of my friends could not afford it, and it was completely fine. I didn't care in the slightest. We all did our own make-up, so that was a non-issue.
I think it's unreasonable to require that you spend the night at a hotel. It's one thing to suggest it, and another to say you HAVE to. I asked my girls to spend the night at my mom's with me the night before (she has a few spare bedrooms), and three of my six bridesmaids did spend the night. It was for convenience since we all had to be up early for hair appointments, but my friends that couldn't spend the night, I totally understood.
Regarding the bridal shower - did someone offer to throw it, and she is suggesting how many people will be invited and also what style she would like to have? Or did she completely suggest you throw it in the first place? Because that's definitely rude.
It sounds like she is becoming a bit bridezilla. Is she normally like this? Or has the wedding kind of taken over her?
As far as how to handle it, I would just evaluate your friendship and decide if it's worth it to you. Just suck it up and do it and realize that she will likely go back to normal after the wedding, or talk to her about things that you think are unreasonable and/or are not comfortable doing/paying for. If she really is your friend, I would think she would understand. She (hopefully) is probably just sucked into wedding frenziness and has lost her head a bit or maybe she just is completely clueless. Regardless, it's not an excuse, and she shouldn't treat people that she claims to be her friends like that. I don't think I would ever demand my friends to do anything, so I don't get why a wedding makes things different.
I think you should talk to her unless it isn't a huge deal to you, and just a little off-putting.
I personally think that demanding anything is just ridiculous! The only thing here that seems reasonable is the dress, as a bridesmaid you should expect to pay for your dress and IMO $120 is pretty reasonable. But everything else is just rude. A bride should NEVER expect anyone to throw a shower and she especially should NEVER dictate what that shower should look like.
I paid for a hotel room the night before the wedding and two bridesmaids stayed with me because they wanted to. The others stayed with their boyfriends. It is unbelievable to me that she does not trust grown adults to get to the hotel on time the day of the wedding, that is just insulting to you and the other bridesmaids. Also, I personally did not care if my bridesmaids got their hair/make-up done or not. They are all capable of doing that themselves, so I said if they wanted to I would arrange it, other wise they could do what ever they wanted. Some chose to get hair/make-up (one or both) and some didn't. No biggie, everyone looked great that day!
I realize it is her day, but I do think it is ok for you to tell her (especially since you are her sister) that her demands are out of control. I am sure if you are thinking it all of her other bridesmaids are as well and just may not feel comfortable telling her. I had a friend that picked out $300+ dresses for her bridesmaids and one of them spoke up, she realized that she was asking to much and picked out another more reasonable dress. Sometimes brides just get so wrapped up in their day that they do not realize what they are doing is crazy and need to be brought back down to earth.
I have talked to her several times about it in the past week and she is stuck on everyone paying for hair and makeup. One of her bridesmaids I know has an issue with the cost, but she is too shy to speak up. The other two are the sisters of the groom so their Mom is paying for it.
No matter what I am still going to pay for it, and help with the bridal shower. Probably not as much as I planned though.
<a href="http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/wayfastwhitegirl/?action=view
As far as the shower goes, I would possibly suggest having a BBQ type shower that way you are not throwing 2 different parties with 2 seperate costs. If she doesnt like it then she can chose which she would rather have..
The dress is expected. It's not a horrible price. I also understand her request about the room but if it were me, I would have said no, sorry and guarenteed her that I would be there on time....
as far as hair and makeup go... I paid for my MOH and told the other girls what my plans were from day one and said if they wanted it done they could book and pay and if not, they could do whatever they wanted as I love them for who they are and did not care if it was up or down or if they had makeup or not.. They could have had leopard print tattooed on their face and I wouldn't have cared... haha
I think a lot of what she is expecting is ridiculous. Then again, when Mike and I got married, we didn't have a "bridal party," just my brother and his sister. I told his sister to wear whatever she wanted. I didn't even specify a color that her dress needed to be. And I told her she could get her hair done if she wanted to but didn't have to. When she decided to get her hair done, I paid for it. I didn't have a wedding shower, and I had a co-bachelorette party with another friend who was getting married a month after me. It was very low key -- dinner and drinks out with some friends.
Making you pay $120 for a hotel room because she's afraid of someone being late is over the top. If she's that concerned about it, she should pay for it. I also would hate to pay someone to do my makeup (I did my own makeup for my wedding), but that's a personal preference cuz I don't wear a lot of makeup.
Having said all that... if I were in your position, I would still do the best I could to pay for as much of it as possible. She's your sister, and I'm sure she's important to you. And everyone has different expectations and wishes for how their wedding day will be. Some are more high maintenance than others. But I wouldn't go into debt for someone else's wedding, so if I really didn't have the money, I would be honest with her and say "I can spend xx amount - what is more important to you - the hotel room or the hair/makeup?"
I really love it when brides want everything a certain (expensive) way, but aren't willing to foot the bill.
It's your freaking wedding. Not your bridal party's or your guests. You want things a certain way, you pay for it.
Sommer, you are a great sister to suck it up and do it for her anyways. I would be really worried about her other attendants that aren't relatives. If I were them, this would be a slight push out the door on that friendship.
But that's just me, and I can be a meany, especially when it comes to selfish brides.
the dress is a good price and that plus shoes is expected and I would have no problem with shelling out the cash for that.
Anyone who demands that hair and makeup be done at the salon of their choosing should foot that bill. I would never expect my girls to come up with that extra money or rent out a hotel room for that matter.
If you want a slumber party fine. she should pay just like she did with her birthday party.
I understand the bridal shower but to throw in excessive demands about what to serve and how many and then make sure theirs enough for the men too. NO, not happening. I would stick to your budget when it comes to the shower or ask her how much she wants to pitch in for the BBQ food for the guys. since you planned on only so many women being there and thats what you can afford.
Its your sister and I understand falling on your sword to keep her happy as its her only wedding. But since its your sister you should be able to confront her more easily than her friends. in fact those frineds might end up thanking you for doing it. Just don't break your bank trying to please someone else for their wedding. she might see this as an oppurtunity to ask for more.
The dress is totally understandable, and I think $120 is a really good price for a bridesmaid dress.
As for the other things? I do believe they're unreasonable. The way I see it, is that other than wearing the dress &/or shoes that have been selected, you shouldn't be required to do anything else. Yes, it is her day. If she is insisting on your hair and makeup being done, she should pay for that. If she is insisting on you staying at the hotel with her that night, she should pay for that as well.
For my wedding, my girls had to pay for their dress (I think it was around $120) they could wear any black shoes they had, or wanted. I gave them the choice to get their hair and/or makeup done. It was up to them. I gave them the amounts that she would charge, and let them decide from there. We all stayed in the same room the night before the wedding, but again, I (okay, my parents) paid for the room. They didn't have to pay for it. They threw me a shower, as well as a bachellorette party, but they planned it, and covered the costs & budget for that. I didn't know any details of it, other than the shower day & time, and that it was at my SIL's. And the bachellorette party was in Vancouver BC.
I've been in other weddings, and it was all handled similarily. I get it. Weddings are expensive. But I think it's kind of rude to expect everyone to shell out $$$ for "YOUR" day.
But... that's just my opinion.
I think part of it is ridiculous. The dress - completely reasonable. My girls' dresses were $140 and I wanted them to match. The hotel - I paid for the room for the night before and we ALL stayed in one room. Hair & makeup - one of my BM and a good friend were hairstylists so we were set. However, we all did our own makeup and helped each other out with hair.
Now for the ridiculousness which is the bridal shower. The MOH should actually throw the bridal shower and the BMs should help. I think should work with her on what she wants and what you all can afford. Does the 50 include the guys? How many girls would it be? I would talk to her about this and see if you can negotiate. How do the other BMs feel?
The only things I find ridiculous are the hair/make up and the hotel room because they arent necessary. Everything else is. You need a dress to wear and typically it is out of pocket for each individual in the bridal party. She also needs a shower, but everyone in the bridal party should chip in for that. I agree with others that have said if she is demanding hair/make up ...etc. then she should pay for that. If not, it should definitely be optional..to me that is common courtesy/sense!
Amen!