Maine Nesties
jd72878
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Living will?
Who has one? We're going to try and have one solidified before our trip in April, and I got all teary eyed thinking about who Abby's guardian is going to be. She's so close with my Mom, but her health and financials would be in question, and my SIL would be the next best choice as they are younger and Abby would have two older "brothers". Oiy vey - this is so difficult!
We haven't even started this process - laywer? online?
Our Abby Jean
Re: Living will?
I think you mean just a will. A living will is an advanced directive - so like what kind of medical care you do or do not want if you were in a coma for example; or who you would want to make those decisions. An advanced directive you can usually get a copy of from the hospital and then just fill it out and get it notarized.
As far as a will, we have not done one yet, but need to. They are hard decisions. I started to do one online, but it was overwhelming and confusing, so it's probably best to go with a lawyer.
Seth and I started talking about this. I asked my father and he suggested going with a lawyer. He said they will do one for a couple hundred bucks.
We got stuck because we don't know who would take care of sweet Abe. Both sets of parents are quite "old". We are having a hard time thinking of someone that would parent the way that we parent. Both my brother and my sister have a different parenting style than we do...nevermind the financial factor. BIL isn't even an option.
It is tough stuff.
We have a will and it's completely out of date. Right now we have Helen going to a divorced couple.
The attorney who did our will also did our living wills and powers of attorney.
I need to get working on updating the will ASAP.
Oddly this conversation just came up last night and I was doing research on babycenter.com today cause it came up as something we should do.
We have agreed on who the kids will go to, and we have told them and my family that is who, but I still get nervous that if it wasn't legally documented that somehow something different would happen.
It's a hard decision, but it was a pretty smooth decision for us. We aimed for who would parent and give our kids the life we would have. I know no matter what my parents will be involved, but I don't think they are the best option. They are young, but I still would like my kids to have "parents" that would most resemble DH and I.
I think now that we are going to have two, I'm feeling a bit more pressure. The article on babycenter I read today also freaked me out that I want to do it. My brother who is our financial advisor said he knows a guy that will do our will, living will, and power of attorney for $500. (I think that is the 3).
I'm so glad you're thinking about this! Other Nesties can also attest to how wretched the process is when there is no set line of custody to follow (we had to go to court to keep my niece where she wanted/needed to be, despite the fact that her father was MIA and owes $20,000+ in back child support).
My sister told me that she would have trusted me with their two kids, but they chose her husband's sister because she's closer and because her ILs are loaded, so they knew that the SIL would be well-funded in taking care of the kids. I also think, though my sister didn't mention it, that it is important to her husband that the kids go to church every Sunday-- and while she knows I would bring them, he feels that I might let it slide...
And I did not get offended by their choice-- God knows, I have NO idea who will take our future kids if anything happened to us. I sure as hell don't want anyone in MH's family to mess them up!
We do have plenty of life insurance. That's one thing we've done right.
In fact, when we do get our will updated, we're going to name DH's brother and SIL as guardians and my brother as trustee just as a precaution since there would be a substantial amount of money going to Helen if both DH and I died. We obviously trust BIL/SIL enough to raise our child, but who can predict the future...maybe SIL will die and BIL will marry some crazy gold-digger?! LOL! Best to protect our daughter as much as possible.