On a creepiness scale

maryandkirk0909

How creepy is being facebook friended by a dead person?

Specifically, one of my hs friends passed away summer between my junior and senior years, of a sudden medical issue.  Today, I got a fb friend request from a profile in his name.  Apparently his younger sister (she was in 5th grade when he died in 2002) made him a fb page and has been friending his friends... 

Is it wrong that I find this supremely creepy?

I feel guilty saying no- like I am denying that we were friends- but it has been 9 yrs and facebook wasn't even invented when he died. 

ChristinaDawn

That is straight up 100% creepy in my opinion.  I also wouldn't *friend* the page.  I understand if a friend has facebook and passes away and a family member maintains the page so friends can comment and what not.  That I get because that can be therapeutic.  However, this I do no get and I definitely agree with you.  Especially because, like you said, facebook didn't even exist when he passed away.  Who knows if he'd even want one and I don't understand what purpose it could serve at all!

tdmd09

Uh, on a creepiness scale, this scores a gazillion.

That's just weird. Honestly, I think it's kind of weird when someone who has a FB profile dies, and people write messages to that person all over their wall, like they're going to log in any minute and read it.

But this? This is really creepy.

Memily914

Oooh.... yeah, that's pretty creepy. I know people who still facebook a boy that went to my school who died last year. It feels weird to me.

On the other hand, if his little sister wants to cope and heal by doing this, I don't think it would harm anybody to friend him and hide it from your mini feed.

Riss91

If this is her way of coping, by setting up a memorial page, then I don't think it's creepy at all. I would be creeped out initially by someone who was no longer alive, "friending" me, but if it is a memorial, it wouldn't bother me. I've seen people set up memorial web sites so people can share their stories, memories and pictures...I don't think it's much different than that. Though, it would probably be better to set it up as a memorial page, and not just a page from the beyond.

mcd11

Riss91:

If this is her way of coping, by setting up a memorial page, then I don't think it's creepy at all. I would be creeped out initially by someone who was no longer alive, "friending" me, but if it is a memorial, it wouldn't bother me. I've seen people set up memorial web sites so people can share their stories, memories and pictures...I don't think it's much different than that. Though, it would probably be better to set it up as a memorial page, and not just a page from the beyond.

This.

It's one thing to honor someone, keep the memory alive, but to have it as a regular friend page? That's a little odd. And it does seem like a while since he passed away, but obviously the girl is having a hard time dealing with it still. That's sad.

maryandkirk0909

mcd11:

Riss91:

If this is her way of coping, by setting up a memorial page, then I don't think it's creepy at all. I would be creeped out initially by someone who was no longer alive, "friending" me, but if it is a memorial, it wouldn't bother me. I've seen people set up memorial web sites so people can share their stories, memories and pictures...I don't think it's much different than that. Though, it would probably be better to set it up as a memorial page, and not just a page from the beyond.

This.

It's one thing to honor someone, keep the memory alive, but to have it as a regular friend page? That's a little odd. And it does seem like a while since he passed away, but obviously the girl is having a hard time dealing with it still. That's sad.

The reason why it is weird to me is because it isn't set up like a memorial- it is set up like a normal profile page.  Like, present tense likes, dislikes, favorite TV shows, etc.  

If it were a memorial I would think it was completely normal, but this is just was a little out there to me.

Riss91

maryandkirk0909:

The reason why it is weird to me is because it isn't set up like a memorial- it is set up like a normal profile page.  Like, present tense likes, dislikes, favorite TV shows, etc.  

If it were a memorial I would think it was completely normal, but this is just was a little out there to me.

Yeah, it is weird for it for it to be a regular page. But, I know with my MIL's page, FB needs proof of their passing in order to memorialize it...so, her page is still "present". I'd just chalk it up to the sister not thinking of setting it up that way. She might also want to be able to tag him in photos...who knows....I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

kass09

I've had the same experience!  A friend (not that close) passed away in 2003, and last year, I started seeing that "he" was friending people, and I was totally weirded out.  I think his brother set it up, and he asked to friend me, and I accepted, only after speaking to another friend who confirmed it was a "in memorium" page.  But, I agree with others, it should be a "page" not a person's profile.  I've seen "in memorium" pages, and they are done well.  Now, every time "he" friends someone I know, I get the update in my News Feed, and it freaks me out.  The only benefit I see is what Riss pointed out that he can be tagged in pics, etc.  I also think they just didn't realize they could set up a Page....

Riss91

kass09:

I've had the same experience!  A friend (not that close) passed away in 2003, and last year, I started seeing that "he" was friending people, and I was totally weirded out.  I think his brother set it up, and he asked to friend me, and I accepted, only after speaking to another friend who confirmed it was a "in memorium" page.  But, I agree with others, it should be a "page" not a person's profile.  I've seen "in memorium" pages, and they are done well.  Now, every time "he" friends someone I know, I get the update in my News Feed, and it freaks me out.  The only benefit I see is what Riss pointed out that he can be tagged in pics, etc.  I also think they just didn't realize they could set up a Page....

I know FB can take a regular profile page and "memorialize" it so that it doesn't come up in newsfeeds or "people you may know". That way you can keep it as a regular page and tag pics. But you have to provide them proof...

kass09

Riss91:

kass09:

I've had the same experience!  A friend (not that close) passed away in 2003, and last year, I started seeing that "he" was friending people, and I was totally weirded out.  I think his brother set it up, and he asked to friend me, and I accepted, only after speaking to another friend who confirmed it was a "in memorium" page.  But, I agree with others, it should be a "page" not a person's profile.  I've seen "in memorium" pages, and they are done well.  Now, every time "he" friends someone I know, I get the update in my News Feed, and it freaks me out.  The only benefit I see is what Riss pointed out that he can be tagged in pics, etc.  I also think they just didn't realize they could set up a Page....

I know FB can take a regular profile page and "memorialize" it so that it doesn't come up in newsfeeds or "people you may know". That way you can keep it as a regular page and tag pics. But you have to provide them proof...

I saw this in your post right before mine, after I responded.  I did not know this, but I think it is a good idea....I might pass word along to the brother, if I can.

Also, did your MIL recently pass away?  I might have missed this, or I might be confusing you with someone else...I just thought there were issues with your MIL and splitting the holidays, etc recently (doing brunch with her, not dinner, or something like that).  Sorry if I'm being nosy, and I don't mean to be crass, but if I missed something, I just wanted to properly pass condolences on to you and your husband for this loss.....

Riss91

kass09:

Also, did your MIL recently pass away?  I might have missed this, or I might be confusing you with someone else...I just thought there were issues with your MIL and splitting the holidays, etc recently (doing brunch with her, not dinner, or something like that).  Sorry if I'm being nosy, and I don't mean to be crass, but if I missed something, I just wanted to properly pass condolences on to you and your husband for this loss.....

NO worries! I didn't post it on the board...she passed away the 1st week of January. Things were insane in the few weeks following (Michael is her sole survivor and we had a really hard time finding necessary paperwork) and when I was finally "back" on the board I just felt uncomfortable discussing it. It still felt too raw.

Luckily, the holidays went perfectly - no real drama. Christmas brunch was amazing and she was able to spend her last week with her best friends (both here and from the UK) and her family. She was really happy that last week.

kass09

Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  I can understand how hectic things must have been, on top of everything else.  I'm so glad to hear that the holidays went well, and that she was able to spend some time with those closest to her.  That is really a blessing, and comforting for you all, I'm sure.  I hope things go smoothly with the settling of her estate, etc; that can drag things out and add additional stresses unfortunately.  

Riss91

kass09:

Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  I can understand how hectic things must have been, on top of everything else.  I'm so glad to hear that the holidays went well, and that she was able to spend some time with those closest to her.  That is really a blessing, and comforting for you all, I'm sure.  I hope things go smoothly with the settling of her estate, etc; that can drag things out and add additional stresses unfortunately.  

Thanks! It was a really difficult few weeks....we were physically and emotionally drained. We weren't sleeping or eating regularly or well. All of the administrative work was so frustrating. Ugh. Michael is definitely up-and-down emotionally. We are very lucky that one of my bridesmaids recently became an estate lawyer and she's been an unbelievable help to us. The estate stuff will take time.The house is just a complete disaster. So much stuff, so disorganized, and filthy - you just feel like you're in a black hole. We have amazing friends that have come to help us with it (thank God) which helps it feel less overwhelming.

mcd11

Sorry to butt in, but Riss, I am so sorry about your MIL's passing. I didn't know.

I know she had health issues, but it's still never easy.

Man, what a stressful couple of months for you and Michael.