Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
bridal shower/bachelorette party etiquette question
I'll try to keep this as concise as I can ...
One of my closest friends is getting married in May. I'm not in the wedding, but they aren't having any attendants, so there's no maid of honor or bridesmaids. I, along with another friend, offered to host a bridal shower for her.
The bride says she's uncomfortable with having a shower because they don't really need anything and don't want to register for gifts.
The friend who was going to co-host the shower with me has suggested that instead of a shower, we just have a classy bachelorette party for her - go out to a fancy dinner, see a show, have drinks after the show, etc. An upscale girls' night out.
My question is ... who would be responsible for covering the costs of such a bachelorette party? Aren't the host(s) responsible to pay? I'm not sure I'm completely down with paying for a fancy dinner out and show tickets for a group of 15-20 people, that could get really expensive really fast.
My co-host thinks it's fine to ask guests to pay their own way, and we can just cover our own costs and the bride's share. But, even if that's OK, my concern is that a lot of the bride's friends work for non-profits and don't make a ton of money. They're a pretty frugal group, and might not be comfortable going to a party that could end up costing them $100 or more.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to celebrate with the bride in a way that doesn't center around showering her with gifts she doesn't want ... and doesn't cost the hosts & guests a ton of money?
Mr. Sammy Dog
Re: bridal shower/bachelorette party etiquette question
I think you don't have to worry about paying for everyone for a bachelorette. It's pretty customary that every pays their own way and a little extra to buy the bride a few drinks, etc. I thnk it's ok if you and the other host want to "cover" the bride's costs.
If you go the girls' night out option, you have 2 ways to go:
1 - pricey option that you mentioned with a very limited turn out if most can't afford it.
2 - come up with a more reasonably priced option so that everyone can attend. maybe just drinks
If you still want to go the shower route - how about a "lingerie shower" or even a "honeymoon shower" You'd need to know if the bride was comfortable with a lingerie shower. For a honeymoon shower, guests can bring gifts that aren't too expensive. For exampe, if it's a beach destinaton: beach hat, sarong, a basket of sunscreen, travel hair dryer, beach tote, toiletries case, travel size bottles of shower goodies, etc.
Hope this helps!
Great ideas here.
Is it just the gift part that turns the bride off? What if you hosted a brunch in your home or hosted appetizers and drinks in your home before going out dancing or to a show or some other event? That way you're shouldering a modest cost that feeds everyone and if people want to do something more, they can.
Here's one example: My cousin wasn't into the whole bachelorette thing so her sister hosted a bunch of female friends and family members and we each brought a dish and a cocktail to represent a country the bride had visited.
Our Share of the Harvest:How a couple cooks from a CSA share. Pick Up Day Week 15
I think an easy way to go is to have a Lingerie Shower or Personal Shower (another way to say lingerie shower). You can do this at someones home just like a regular bridal shower, I would go for an evening with cocktails/appetizers or a Sun brunch. This way if the bride isnt into a bachelorette party theme you can still do something for her.
If you do host a bachelorette party, the host is supposed to pay for the bride and it is ok to expect the guest to pay their own way, but many wont want to and may not come. Also if you go somewhere and run a tab (bar/restaurant) you could get stuck paying the bill if no one coughs up money. I've never been to a bachelorette party where it happened but I know people who have hosted and been stuck with a really expensive tab.