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Daycare WWYD question
So apparently my child is a pill at daycare. She often says he is "fussy" (her go-to word), has mentioned to my mother-in-law that he can be a lot of work, he cries whenever she's not right next to him, and a bunch of other things I can't think of. I feel like it's a lot of little things. First, she is pregnant with her 2nd child and her 3 year old son is there too, but Nolan is the only full-time child there and at 10 months old is the only infant. There is one other child who goes part-time and he is 2. I'm wondering if she's just a little more emotional because this pregnancy has been a stressful one and I know she must get tired. Also, Nolan is my first and minus the first 4-5 months, he is now a breeze! He is happy 95% of the time, I can take him anywhere, he knows how to play independently, he is like clockwork with naps and sleep and goes down so easily, pretty much demanding to be put in his crib! Basically I don't know what she's complaining about! He's a prince. Yes, he has his fussy moments, but what baby doesn't? Am I totally delusional? Anyways, she does not keep him on a schedule there. If he seems tired at 10 that's when she puts him down, rather than have him hang on a little longer until his actual nap time. Today he took 3 naps there. This would basically be one nap at home. He only slept 30 minutes for his naps because they were before he would've eaten. Had she waited until after his lunch, he would've slept longer. My mother-in-law does this, too. Argh, what don't people get about routine? I am a kindergarten teacher. These kids thrive on routine so I try to make most of my days fit this. Yes, I understand life throws curve balls every once in a while and you also need to learn to be flexible,but kids like to know what to expect and what to depend on. Okay, so this is turning into more of a vent. Sorry! My question, would you confront the provider about keeping him on a schedule or just say " what she does at daycare is what she does at daycare?" I think I'm taking a lot of this personally since she seems to think Nolan is a handful. She should've been with him in the beginning! 
Any thoughts?
Any thoughts?
Re: Daycare WWYD question
When we had our first nanny (for a day) I remember that Felix was totally thrown off his routine and the girls here said that many of their LOs behaved differently at daycare than at home, or different for DH or other caregiver. So, maybe Nolan is a little off there?
But, I would absolutely tell her that you would like her to keep with his routine as much as possible. We have done that with our new sitter, and now I know when she veers from it that it's for a reason -- for example she feeds him early bc he is a total crank and hungry, or she puts him to nap early bc he is giving lots of tired cues. But, to get to that point where you trust her judgment, she does have to show that she will try to follow your routine.
That's tough Annie. I have just let our DCP do what she does with Luke. I don't try to keep him on a schedule with her and it works sometimes. But, she also doesn't complain about him even when he is fussy.
As a 2nd round pregnant woman, I find everything hard right now
I am crabby and complainy, so I can honestly say, part of it is probably related to that. But, that being said, as a mother I still wouldn't want to hear about my kids faults all the time (especially when they don't seem to be valid).
I guess my suggestion would be to have a talk with her and ask her if Nolan is too much. That you've noticed that she tells you and MIL often that he is very needy and fussy. You want to make sure that she is not overwhelmed by having him, because he doesn't seem as needy at home or elsewhere. I would focus the conversation around her comfort as to not seem like you are calling her out. This might make her realize that no, its not too much, but she is making it seem like it is and maybe there will be less complaining?
Good luck whatever you decide!
We don't typically have a sitter, but I had a conference 2 days last week. He sees my neighbor 2-5 times a week and she has watched him before. And man is he different with her than he is with me. She only had him for 2 1/2 hours and when I called, he was SCREAMING. Almost to the point of losing his voice...never heard him that loud. She is excellent with babies, knows him and was trying to stick to the schedule, but it was not working. Broke my heart.
Even when he's with Justin during the day (which is two full days a week and two part days a week), he's fussy, particularly about going down for naps. And he's fantastic with Adrian. If I call home and Adrian hears my voice, he gets fussy. I was home all day today and Justin even commented how Adrian didn't fuss at all.
So pretty much for us, even with the best care, there's nothing like a mother. Adrian's just different when he's not with me. Maybe that's a big part of it for Nolan?
You know what I'd do? I'd tell your DCP you'd like to help. Ask for specifics about when he's fussy. And then maybe you can brainstorm ideas to help her. What I did for Justin was I wrote a list of things that I do with Adrian if he's fussy and put it on the fridge...and it's helped him. Then maybe you can suggest she adhere to the schedule you do at home for a week to see if that makes him less fussy. I'd approach it as a "let's work together" type of conversation.
I hate when I go back the next day and re-read my post and think I sound like a wench. I do love our provider. She is quite patient with him and tries many things to make him happy. The hardest part is hearing these things and not being there to help. That makes me sad. I don't mind that he have a routine that is different from home, it's just that he has NO routine there. I feel like she does something different every day, like she's still trying to figure out what works for him. I don't want to sound like I'm not understanding when I talk to her. I hate as a teacher when I call a parent to talk about behavior and that parent says "Well, he/she doesn't do that at home!!" So I just want to make sure I approach her in the right way. And I do feel for her being pregant, already having one child, and caring for other people's children, but she did pick this as her occupation. I worked right up until I had Nolan taking care of 17 5-year-olds.
It sucked, but it's my job. And Nolan can be different with other people, even his father. The only person who agrees with me about Nolan being so easy is my mother-in-law. Ha ha! Go figure!
I appreciate the advice! I will try to talk to her about what I can do to help.
My thinking is that since she is a small provider, that she can cater to your needs. I think at my place, which is a big center with lots of kids, parents go by the DCP rules. I know in the infant room they follow the child's lead. If they seem tired, they put them down. I'm not sure about the waddler/toddler/preK room. Now that I say that though...even at my big place, I would mention it to the teacher and have that conversation.
I'm rambling.
Yes, I would say something. It is your money. It is your kid. And if he really is fussy...no wonder if he is being thrown off schedule!!
I am late to this but I agree with the previous posts.
Nolan is probably a different kid at daycare. Ridley certainly is. Although she seems to be the opposite of Nolan in that she is a peach at daycare and can be a nightmare at home (like this morning).
That being said though, I think it is completely fair for you to ask her to keep to a schedule, even if that schedule is different from the one that you have at home. You are right that kids needs structure and need to know what to expect. My guess is that he is fussy because he feels anxious about never knowing what is coming next.
Being a teacher, I think you can probably figure out a good way to approach the situation with her. Much better than I could anyway. Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would want a parent to approach you about a similar situation. It sounds like she will be cooperative in figuring out a good plan for everyone going forward.
Nolan is a good and easy baby and you are doing a great job. Don't let this make you think any differently!
As a DCP I know how hard it can be running a daycare while being pregnant and being exhausted however, she should have him on a schedule... I always try and work with parents so that we are on the same page, I think it makes it easy for the child, parent and me.
I would talk to her about keeping him on a schedule, he is 10 months old. Routine is huge and I think my kids here thrive when on a schedule. She should be understanding, you are trying to make it easy for her as well!