Sex & Romance
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NEVER in the mood

Lately it seems that I am never in the mood for sex, and my husband is constantly wants it.  (No, I'm not on the pill)  To be honest, I've never really wanted it more than a couple of times a week, but in the past couple of months, my husband is asking for it more often.  While I'm happy to oblige with quickie most nights, he doesn't want to have sex with me if I'm not 100% into it/craving it.  I try to hide the fact that I'm not in the mood, but he says he can tell because I go too fast and don't try to make him last longer.  I'm just sick and tired of having to keep him from going too fast so that I can get mine.  It's such a mental and physical effort to keep him going longer that I end up losing my own orgasm and now I've lost the desire to have sex with him.  It's gotten to the point that I end up frustrated and angry after sex instead of lovey-dovey.  He tries to help me finish later, but there is such a delay from him having to clean up that by the time he gets to it, I'm dry as a bone and no longer in the mood.  I just don't understand why he can't control himself and why I always have to stop and ask if he's alright.  Most of the time, he's not and tells me I was smart to slow down and I just want to ask "If you knew you were too close, why didn't you TELL me to stop?!?"

 

When I try to bring up these issues, he gets defensive and pouts.  When I told him I wasn't in the mood last night and was too tired from working out, he decided not to come to bed until past midnight.  I've tried encouraging the good stuff, telling him when he does something I really like, and sometimes he gets it, but he'll often forget later because he's enjoying himself too much to think about me.  Mostly, I just needed a place to vent.  Thanks for listening!

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Re: NEVER in the mood

  • Why does there need to be a delay for him to clean up?  Can't he just help you right away?  It sounds to me like he is purposefully delaying to avoid having to help you.  He gets so caught up in his own pleasure that he forgets about you?!  WTF?!  Your husband sounds really selfish.  The pouting is just a way for him to manipulate you.  HE CAN HELP IT!  
  • Has your DH never heard of foreplay? Have him get you close before actual intercourse.

    Oh, and a couple of time a week is fine. Everyday is alot. I think I read somewhere the average is around 3x per week. Quality over quantity. If your DH can't get that, then he is a selfish jerk.

     Good Luck!

  • imageender1568:

    Has your DH never heard of foreplay? Have him get you close before actual intercourse.

    Oh, and a couple of time a week is fine. Everyday is alot. I think I read somewhere the average is around 3x per week. Quality over quantity. If your DH can't get that, then he is a selfish jerk.

     Good Luck!

    This. Also, have you tried using toys together (like a small vibrator) during intercourse?

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  • I think it's very important to not be selfish when it comes to sex..let him know what you need. If you need some pre-loving ...let him know...so you can be happy!

    I guess I can't imagine telling my husband I wasn't in the mood...I may be tired sometimes from a long day...but I am never to busy to be with my husband physically!

    It should flatter you when your husband wants to be with you...!!

  • Roles are reverse in my relationship with my husband.  He NEVER wants to have sex and I do.  We are averaging once a month right now...this is wrong in my opinion, and I'm sure you'd agree! Too bad we both are not on the same page with our husbands.  It's nice to be able to vent though.  I wish you luck and hope you can work things out!  Zumbagirl5 is right though, you should be flattered your hubby wants to be with you...trust me, it sucks having it the other way around!  Not feeling wanted sucks!  Good luck!

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