Etiquette question regarding Dinner Party

Cuao

Hi ladies... I wasn't sure where to post this, so I thought here would be appropriate.  My husband and I are having a dinner b-day party for my son's 21st birthday at a nice restaurant.  We are only having my family.  We are planning on taking care of the dinner bill for everyone, and if they will only have to pay for thier drinks...  What would be the proper way to let everyone know?   Thanks! 

Wine Enthusiast

I think this is a horrible and tacky idea, you cant exactly pass around the bill and ask people to put in for their drinks and the only other idea is to make people get up and go to the bar throughout the meal.  If you do that, you will find people spending their time mingling at the bar instead of at the table.  Either cut the list to the number of people you can afford or choose a less expensive restaurant.  If it will be a buffet, you could opt for pitchers of beer and bottles of wine but I think you dont offer something your guests will be annoyed with being invited to a 21st Bday party where they must pay for their own drinks. 

lyndausvi

How many people are you having?   

Have you talked to the restaurant about your plan?

 A lot of restaurants do not do split checks for large parties.  It would be weird having to split up the drink check at the end of the night for the guests.   

 

Personally, I think it's odd not to pay for drinks when you invite people to a dinner party.   Especially a 21st b-day party.  If you are worried about the costs ask for a limited drink menu, nothing top shelf, no shots or expensive bottles of wine.  

 

alm0309

Are you able to work with the restaurant and set up a pre fix menu that will include drinks?  I don't think that there is really a proper way to not pay for the drinks, I think it will make for an awkward situation.  Maybe move the party to a BYOB where you can save money by bringing wine?  If it is at a BYOB, most people would probably show up with their own anyway.  

Mommy_of_Audrey

For a party that we threw for a co-worker of mine, we had the same scenario.  We chose to pay for non-alcoholic beverages, but knew most people would also want wine, beer, etc... We worked it out with the restaurant that we would pay for the food/non-alcoholic beverages, and that those that ordered other drinks would receive an individual ticket, to pay for their own drink. 

At the bottom of the invitation, it stated:  Dinner provided by the hosts, adult beverages available for purchase on your own. 

No one seemed to have a problem, and most even said they thought it was generous for us to pick up the tab for dinner. 

HTH!

sjb&apa

Can you bring your own wine to the restaurant and pay a corkage fee? That would save you money over ordering wine from the restaurant. Of course, that doesn't solve the problem if people would prefer beer or mixed drinks.

Honestly, I would go to a less expensive restaurant where I could afford to buy drinks, or invite fewer people. Splitting the bar tab seems complicated.

vjcjenn1

I don't think it's tacky, we did something similar for my fathers birthday. Turned out that very few people ordered anything, so we paid it.

I would just say in honor of son's birthday, we are treating everyone to dinner to celebrate, we just ask that everyone pay for their own cocktails.

 

lisac113

What area of the country do you live in?  Where I am from, lots of invites to parties, weddings, special occasions, will sometimes say at the bottom of the invite cash bar.

 

That being said, I wouldn't even think about doing that at an event I was hosting.  A few events we have hosted we have covered beer, wine and some liquor (most, just not a few top shelf)