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Wanna be traumatized? Come read about my day yesterday (LOL)
So, to give you all a little history about myself - if anything embarassing, scandalous, bizarre or twisted is going to happen - it will happen to me. If there is a lunatic on a packed train, he or she will find me to start a crazy conversation, etc.
Yesterday, the husband and I have to go food shopping because there's nothing in the house. *We've been doing renovations, so we've been doing takeout mostly.
We're both exhausted, but we go - we're in the very last aisle. *Milk, cheese, butter, bread, yogurt aisle - you all know the one...
I decided I desperately needed hot dogs. Oscar Meyer makes the perfect kind for pregnant chicks, and I really wanted them. Badly.
In front of the hotdogs is this little old woman (with her little pushcart) and her daughter, also looking at hotdogs. The old woman wont move, even though I've said excuse me. She ignores me, her daughter does also and Im not caring because like I said - Im on a mission. My husband is a couple of feet away reading the paper, being patient.
All of a sudden, I see the old lady look at her daughter in an odd way, and the two of them make a b-line out of there. Hey, better for me because more hot dogs, right?
Then, all of a sudden I smell something really bad. And being the worst wife ever, I mouth to my husband "Hey, did you just fart? WTF?!" he's totally appalled, and gives me the stink eye, denying it.
So, it takes me a split second to realize what happened.
In my hotdog obsessed moment, I failed to realize that the old lady's colostomy bag full of poop exploded right next to my feet, and I in turn was sliding around in it like one of the damn Yankees!!
When I realized what was happening, I.LOST.MY.MIND.
I immediately start gagging, about to vomit on my feet. People around me are gagging at me gagging and are about to start vomiting also. I then am starting to cry and like a lunatic start yelling "Its not my poop! Its not my poop! Im pregnant and just nauseous" - my husband is backing up like Im a leper and obsessively checking HIS feet and pants for the poop and all I could do was unleash probably some of the foulest language any of those people have heard.
The staff at the supermarket was very nice and one of the guys said "Are you able to reach your feet (WTF?!), because I can take this bleach wipe and help you clean your shoes off"
Only me people, only me!
...here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)
Re: Wanna be traumatized? Come read about my day yesterday (LOL)
OMG. I would have puked and then died.
Thanks for making my night, though. I feel slightly better about myself now. At your expense, I realize, but still better.
Are you kidding me?!? This is special. I am so sorry! I bet you were really wishing you could have a drink after that.
This wasn't the Pathmark on Atlantic Ave, was it? I could totally see this happening there. That place drives me crazy!
Gah! That is truly, truly awful!! I am so sorry.
I am sympathy gagging right now.
Bubblegum Explosion
LMAO!! Thats what Im here for! And it was so horrifying, its hysterical. My husband (and pretty much everyone that knows me) is still laughing over it.
Only me.
You're so funny. Yes, I would have loved a martini. LOL
It was probably funny, because I was so worried people would think it was MY poo. I kept screaming "Its not mine! Its not my poo!!" LOL
And funny you should mention Pathmark.. It was the Pathmark in Chinatown - 13th Avenue. The Atlantic Avenue Pathmark gives me an anxiety attack and makes me stabby. LOLOL
OMG, "it's not my poo!!"
Sorry that happened to you but thanks for sharing, because it is a hilarious story!
Our New Home! Renovation Underway! The Law Nest
TTC Journey
7/2008 - begin TTC
7/2009 - began charting
9/2009 - Dx Endometriosis
10/2009 - HSG/SA (Normal)
12/2009 -6/2010 - Lupron #1 & 2
Sep-Nov 2010- Clomid Cycles #1&2 = BFN
Dec 2010 - Clomid Cycle #3 = BFP (1/11/11);no h/b (2/10/11); D&C (2/23/11)
5/11-6/11 - herbal tea regime = BFN
7/24/2011- herbal tea regime = surprise BFP
Emerald Nuts Midnight Run (4m) 1/1/12
Coogan's Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks Run (5k) 3/4/12
Colon Cancer Challenge (15k) 4/1/12
Purple Stride NYC (5k) 4/21/12
Run to Combat Autism (5k) 4/29/12
RnR Philadelphia (Half Marathon) 9/16/12
That Pathmark is the worst. I was thinking later that it couldn't be that one. You said the staff was nice to you! heh.
Oh my gosh, I'm coming out of lurkdom for this one! That is crazy- I think I would have to be committed.