Do you have higher sex drive than your husband?

asianprince70

From a guy's point of view, I know exactly what the women are feeling. My wife and I are in the same boat. She practically begs for sex but I don't reciprocate. It's frustrating especially since I practically spent this past spring and summer away from her because of surgery and resulting compimplications. I thought once I got back from medical care, I could renew the passion but it just hasn't happened. I know I've had to ease back into it but I really want to get back in the saddle. I know some of my medications have lowered my sex drive somewhat but is there any way to break out of the rut? I can't stop taking my meds.

Vonniesa

This morning was past depressing. My husband works on a boat inwhich he works one full week on and one week off. I've always had a high sex drive which he enjoyed in the begining of our relationship. We've been together for about  2 1/2 years and married for almost 2. I've always had to be the one to make a move to try set up something romantic to move towards it. Now that we've had my daughter i fell like if i dont ask or literally jump on it and take it i would get it once a month if that. Also when he does do it its ALWAYS the same from the back or side or me on top. I've had other partners before and had wayyyyy better sex and knowing that fustrates me even more. This morning he tried waking me up by doing it from the side (no this is not being romantic, this was planned cause he said he was to tired last night).... anyway there was no fore play kissing or anything just slide on in n start moving and this is suppose to move me. After 3-4 minutes he cums and i'm left waiting for more. Now im honry as hell!! Tried to be nice cause now he is blown and asked him to just play with me, he goes to get my "rabbit" and the batteries are dead. So says i'll help you out tonight. I was past hurt, like dude what happen to your tounge your hands something!!! I might aswell have done it myself.

How to you also resist the temptation to just get it from someone else if your husband isnt willing or interested?

dablonde

I am married to my soulmate.  He is the sweetest, most caring man you could ever ask for. However, I want sex a whole lot more often than he does.  When we first got together we were having sex more than 1 time a day.  Then it dropped to every other day.  Now it's sometimes every 3 or 4 days or sometimes every 2 weeks.  I still want the daily sex.  I feel bad because we do have sex.  But oftentimes, by the time we have sex, I'm resentful because I've been rejected several times.  I never reject him.  I give him oral sex every time...and I'm very good at it.  He seems like he is just not interested.  Sometimes I feel like he does it with me because he's afraid I'll go somewhere else.  Honestly, I've been thinking about finding a woman because I just don't think men really get what I really need...and I think a woman would.

Calliope1119

Reading this made me cry. I've been with women and although I enjoyed it there's nothing like a man. To me. My husband and I have been married for a year next month. When we first got together he worked a lot and we had sex pretty often. Now he still work a lot and is tired, but we have sex maybe once every couple of weeks. To be blunt, unless it's real physical contact, I need porn to help me reach orgasm and I'm really tired of porn. I want my husband. I don't see myself having an affair, I love and respect him he means the world to me. But i really do feel alone and I'm no good at initiating especially when I know he's tired. I feel bad, I don't want him to exert himself. In July we were in the middle of it and he experienced some chest pains but it turned out to be nothing and for a while he was afraid to do anything but we did again and it was great. I've talked to him about it a few times and I'm starting to feel like it's pointless. I always think it's me but we've talked about that so much and he assures me it's not me it's just that he just doesn't have a high sex drive. I get attention when I go anywhere and before I met him I had several "friends" so I know at least I'm attractive enough to desire. But I want MY HUSBAND to want me. He calls me sexy all the time, we flirt. He's very loving and sweet and we are very silly together. When we do have sex it blows my mind. He knows what he's doing and so do I, there's no doubt there. Despite that, I'm feeling rejected, ugly, unattractive, like my husband does not desire me. I choose not to initiate anymore because he already knows that I'm ready to go whenever he is. We've had the discussion pretty often in the last two month I even told him flat out we need to have more sex and he smiled and said ok. ........ The crickets are chirping. Loud. The sad part is that I'm now losing interest. Not that I am losing love it's precisely because I love him that this matters to me. I've been married before and had a great sex life but he sort of cheated on me which made me lose all respect for him and I ended up having an affair. I couldn't bear the idea of even kissing him. I've always had trouble being faithful. NOW I am faithful, I'm completely in love with him, devoted and faithful it terrifies me. I always said nothing last forever and when someone breaks your heart you'll cry and move on. With my husband, I can't handle the idea of losing him. He's simply the best. All this and yet I'm sexually frustrated as hell. I desire him and though he gives me no reason to think it, I feel rejected and unwanted. I'm a very sentimental and affectionate person, he loves those things about me. It's those same things that make sex important to me. I love sex. It's the ultimate form of showing intimacy for me and for me to ONLY want him is..... Proof I love him. So this whole lack of sex thing is killing me. It feels like talking to him about it has become pointless. Like it falls on deaf ears. He is 34 , I'm 35. My sexual peak is now. Once I hit 40 it'll be downhill from there... Maybe. I'm at a loss. I trust him but my insecurity and this lull in sex is making me feel things that are unfounded. You know what I mean? I feel like a hornball all overly concerned about sex lol but I'm just a sexual person. I don't want to continue feeling this way. I want our marriage to work. Twice a week seems to me like too much to ask for these past few months and that seems impossible now. As if I need to deaden my desires to save our marriage. I also don't want to make it feel like a chore to him. Like set a day during the week and then when that day arrives he thinks oh great and I'm so tired. I don't want to be a burden. It got so bad that I told him I was just going to leave him so he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore but he said no that he took his vows seriously and we need to make it work that he's not going to give up on us. All I can think is fine don't give up but would you give in to your wife wanting to screw your brains out!?!

Calliope1119

Reading this made me cry. I've been with women and although I enjoyed it there's nothing like a man. To me. My husband and I have been married for a year next month. When we first got together he worked a lot and we had sex pretty often. Now he still work a lot and is tired, but we have sex maybe once every couple of weeks. To be blunt, unless it's real physical contact, I need porn to help me reach orgasm and I'm really tired of porn. I want my husband. I don't see myself having an affair, I love and respect him he means the world to me. But i really do feel alone and I'm no good at initiating especially when I know he's tired. I feel bad, I don't want him to exert himself. In July we were in the middle of it and he experienced some chest pains but it turned out to be nothing and for a while he was afraid to do anything but we did again and it was great. I've talked to him about it a few times and I'm starting to feel like it's pointless. I always think it's me but we've talked about that so much and he assures me it's not me it's just that he just doesn't have a high sex drive. I get attention when I go anywhere and before I met him I had several "friends" so I know at least I'm attractive enough to desire. But I want MY HUSBAND to want me. He calls me sexy all the time, we flirt. He's very loving and sweet and we are very silly together. When we do have sex it blows my mind. He knows what he's doing and so do I, there's no doubt there. Despite that, I'm feeling rejected, ugly, unattractive, like my husband does not desire me. I choose not to initiate anymore because he already knows that I'm ready to go whenever he is. We've had the discussion pretty often in the last two month I even told him flat out we need to have more sex and he smiled and said ok. ........ The crickets are chirping. Loud. The sad part is that I'm now losing interest. Not that I am losing love it's precisely because I love him that this matters to me. I've been married before and had a great sex life but he sort of cheated on me which made me lose all respect for him and I ended up having an affair. I couldn't bear the idea of even kissing him. I've always had trouble being faithful. NOW I am faithful, I'm completely in love with him, devoted and faithful it terrifies me. I always said nothing last forever and when someone breaks your heart you'll cry and move on. With my husband, I can't handle the idea of losing him. He's simply the best. All this and yet I'm sexually frustrated as hell. I desire him and though he gives me no reason to think it, I feel rejected and unwanted. I'm a very sentimental and affectionate person, he loves those things about me. It's those same things that make sex important to me. I love sex. It's the ultimate form of showing intimacy for me and for me to ONLY want him is..... Proof I love him. So this whole lack of sex thing is killing me. It feels like talking to him about it has become pointless. Like it falls on deaf ears. He is 34 , I'm 35. My sexual peak is now. Once I hit 40 it'll be downhill from there... Maybe. I'm at a loss. I trust him but my insecurity and this lull in sex is making me feel things that are unfounded. You know what I mean? I feel like a hornball all overly concerned about sex lol but I'm just a sexual person. I don't want to continue feeling this way. I want our marriage to work. Twice a week seems to me like too much to ask for these past few months and that seems impossible now. As if I need to deaden my desires to save our marriage. I also don't want to make it feel like a chore to him. Like set a day during the week and then when that day arrives he thinks oh great and I'm so tired. I don't want to be a burden. It got so bad that I told him I was just going to leave him so he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore but he said no that he took his vows seriously and we need to make it work that he's not going to give up on us. All I can think is fine don't give up but would you give in to your wife wanting to screw your brains out!?!

musicgir48

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have the same issue. I want it all the time. He's too tired and says he just doesn't think about it. It's so important to me to have sex, but it seems like a non-issue to him. I totally understand your frustration (sexually and otherwise!). I try to ignore attention from other men, but of course it's very difficult when you can't get any attention from your own husband. I feel like I have to ignore my own desires so that I'm not depressed about it all the time. I feel like a freak because I'm so horny and he's not. We keep talking about it, but I feel like he shuts down when I say anything about it. I wish I could say something helpful, but just know that you are not alone. 

Addysmama

We go months at a time without sex(this past time being 3 1/2 months) and all because of him..We've been together over 6 years, married 20 months now & he's been this way  since the beginning..imagine a 20 year old man not ever acting like he wants it(and denies he masturbates...LOL..ok not really that funny, i know). I've literally started countless discussions(he says nothing basically) over this,some(ok most) turning into fights.He had his testosterone checked & it's normal. Yep, it sucks & makes me feel like crap. Ironically, he loves hugging & kisses & saying i love you.(I know, I know but no he's not gay either, he didn't have this problem before me & is very much a dude's dude..and i mean that in the grossest way possible..Trust me on this one ladies). He's super easy going, but definitely gets a temper as well. He's never tried to fix the sex issue even though he knows it kills me.A horribly infrequent sex life is THE biggest joy/happiness sucker of our marriage, at least for me anyways.. I think he could go for years without it & never bring it up...and no not once has he ever brought sex up   Craziest part of it all? I don't even want sex that much(once a week would be fine), but I want to feel like I'm the woman, & he's the man.I need him to crave me just a little (Glad( & sad) to know there are other wives out there suffering with me.

kourt321

I love knowing I'm not the only one.
I took this quiz online and it tells me I'm a sex addict *sigh* anyways
So my husband's libido has always been less hen mine but lately it's even less then what it was before. We were into swinging for a bit. And we have been to a nudist camp, we have a very happy marriage. But he just doesn't want to have sex anymore, he would rather sit and cuddle, play video games together or cards etc. Basically I'm feeling like we are just best friends again, we have been married for 7 years will be 8 this July and we have 2 kids as well so life is busy
We sat down and talked about this last night, and he would like me to go fulfill my needs elsewhere as long as I return home to him, which I know I will as we have done this before.
But I only wish to have him...

Bornel12

Wow that's sad, my husband always tells me to go find someone to do what I need if I'm not happy with what he does to me.. let's say once or twice a month. I turned 34 in Dec and my libido it's off the chain. I'm ready to go all the time, I had to learned how to masturbate to help me release some tension. I hate this because when he sees me looking at guys he gets all mad, I even lost 27 pounds because I got depressed thanks to this situation. Then he sais I'm losing weight because I'm searching for a man... Really??? What tha hell he wants???? His 40, overweight and stressful job, but hey I'm a good wife, I look like I'm in my 20's and he has the nerve to reject me!!!! Ohhh well...I tried talking to him and we always end up fighting because hes the victim and I'm sick and I need to go to a psychiatrist because I'm a nympho lol... sad but true. We all in a similar boat...

rideordie4life

Thank ya Jesus Im not alone. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. My sex drive is way higher  than my husband's and it is so frustrating. i think about sex a lot and it seems i stay aroused. i have tried to talk to him about it but he say sit makes him feel pressured. we only have sex once or twice a month which is not nearly enough for me plus i cant talk about it with him without making him feel bad so i suffer in silence. i masterbate at least once a day and i try to stay busy so not to think about sex but it still comes into my mind. i have even been having dreams at night about an ex lover ugh i dont know what to do. between stress and low t it could be both but he wont even talk to the dr about it. i have always had a high sex drive and he use to have a high one which i loved it when we were on the same page.and im not even getting fully satisfied from masterbation anymore and when we do have sex i immediately want more ugh saying all that out loud is scary there might really be something wrong with me. 

rideordie4life

my husband mastrurbates and watches porn and sometimes i wonder if that is why he doesnt want me anymore.... i masturbate but i dont use porn i play things out in my head but msturbation isnt enough its the physical from him that i need and want so much 

wendyms9679

Hi everyone... I thank this post knowing that I am not the only one who experiences this same problem about being the one in the marriage who wants sex more often than the other. I'm from a country in SE Asia and my husband is a seafarer. We have been married for 6 years now but we have been together even longer than that. During the first 2 to 3 years our sex life was amazing, we always used to make up for the lost times when he works in the ship for 6 months every contract. Over time, I feel his sex drive lowered. And mine just soared high. He almost always rejects my initiation. I don't think he doesn't love me anymore... he is sweeter now, but he isn't as sexual as before. Has he gone emotionally assured too much that he thinks sex isn't as important anymore? We have sex twice a week sometimes when he's on.vacation but most of the time we can go on for 2 weeks without any, and that hurts me. Sometimes, I secretly masturbate so to satisfy my craving... and even sort to porn gifs or videos at times. But I do it secretly because I presume he will only get insulted thinking I have inhibitions of other people sexually while watching porn and other visual 'aids'. We have talked about it many times and most of the time I only get even more frustrated with his ideals. We often get into a fight when I tell him my points straight. He's away again for another 6-month contract. We communicate through phone calls and viber. I wish we can go back to the times when we still talk dirty during phone conversations and also have phone sex. We make our own sex vids before but the last time was, I think, 2 years ago. I remember initiating a sex vid before he went back to work less than a month ago, but to my dismay, he felt passive... and he looked as if I was the only one who wants it done. I am a very frustrated wife... and a lonely one. I'm 35 and I guess I ain't too old to get horny all the time... I feel helpless. Frustrated. Sad. I feel remorse. Sometimes I think DIVORCE is an option. Can anyone please give me some piece of advice ...? Love lots, Wendy

wendyms9679

I truly feel you. We are ecxactly in the same situation.

wendyms9679

Bornel12 said:

Wow that's sad, my husband always tells me to go find someone to do what I need if I'm not happy with what he does to me.. let's say once or twice a month. I turned 34 in Dec and my libido it's off the chain. I'm ready to go all the time, I had to learned how to masturbate to help me release some tension. I hate this because when he sees me looking at guys he gets all mad, I even lost 27 pounds because I got depressed thanks to this situation. Then he sais I'm losing weight because I'm searching for a man... Really??? What tha hell he wants???? His 40, overweight and stressful job, but hey I'm a good wife, I look like I'm in my 20's and he has the nerve to reject me!!!! Ohhh well...I tried talking to him and we always end up fighting because hes the victim and I'm sick and I need to go to a psychiatrist because I'm a nympho lol... sad but true. We all in a similar boat...

HEY, I FEEL YOU. WE ARE EXACTLY ON THE SAME BOAT. WISH WE'LL BE HAPPIER SOON.

TarponMonoxide

1smoothgal said:

My guy & I are in mid 50's. He is on testosterone injections & bio identical hormone testosterone cream. He takes Cialis quite often. His libido comes & goes in spurts(ha, pun intended!) Often he gets it up, inserts it into me, then it wilts away , varies the  times it stays erect. Early on in the relationship, we went to a sex toy shop & purchased a  non latex realistic feeling &  looking penis dildo(rubber maybe) that was the same size as his erect penis.  We also got a soft headed small vibrator for my clit to use in conjunction with Junior, as we call the dildo.So when the mister wilts & falls out, he either helps me or leaves the room for me to play. I'd prefer his sex drive was more & I feel rejection too, even humiliated at times. He begs me not to feel that way. He was left terribly in debt by his ex wife($137,000) & his job sucks at times-the stress on the man is immense. I give him some slack. Other times he'll get it up & bang away at me, several positions & it stays up for 30-45 minutes . He rarely cums. Maybe 1 or 2 times per week. Sometimes I can suck him back  to  erect & we try again. Sometimes 3 times. But he often gives up. I use my toys almost daily, because if I didn't I'd go nuts! I will get that book The Sex Starved wife. I told him yesterday I'd placed an order for crotchless  panties & stockings with garters to spice things up. He said "Geeze you don't need to spice anything up, your smoking hot already, I just have to get my head straight". I can grumble to myself or take matters into my own hands. After all, I've known my body parts longer than he has. He worries I'll take on a lover or 2 & occasionally  he will tell me go find a lover. Then he says next day to please don't because it would break his heart. We are often on a different page, after work I'm horny, he wants tv, as beer & cigar. He is a little overweight. BUT-This guy is my soul mate. But  I'm learning to deal as best I can. Ladies, I'm so glad I found you all!

Has he had a checkup for a possible circulatory or cardiac issue?

There are some physcians who will classify an ED case as a cardiac issue until "proven guilty."

Also if you know for certain he is not ejaculating -- he needs a urology work up.

Men can orgasm minus ejaculating. Men can also orgasm with an ejaculation. There are 2 different kinds for men. And if he is not emitting semen when he should be, he's got a big problem physically -- he needs to see a doc based on that.also.

I find your post disturbing --- what is troublesome is that now it is an emotional cat and mouse game for you --- he tells you one day to find another guy who can give you what you want and then next day he takes it back?

I cannot see how this man can be a soul mate of yours.

You are going to have to decide if you can live with the cat and mouse games and the emotional scenes that he is causing.

It may sound cruel but do you want to stay with him out of what is more or less a "time will tell" thing and in the meanwhile stand for the emotional games rather than be with him because he is exciting and somebody who quite much IS on the same page with you in everything and anything?

Maybe he is not th guy for you.