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Cosleeping - Advice Needed
I know this may be considered a controversial topic and I'm not really interested in a debate about whether it's good/bad, safe/unsafe, etc. I'm just curious who did, who currently does or who plans on doing cosleeping and how you went about it.
When I was pregnant I swore up and down that I wouldn't have baby in bed with us to sleep because it's unsafe and the risk of SIDS, however, there are some nights where all he wants is to be held. He'll fall asleep while BFing and I'll get up and put him in his crib and the second my hands are off of his little body he wakes up, WIDE awake and as soon as I pick him back up he'll fall back to sleep. Because of this he's been sleeping with us from about 3:30 a.m. - 6:00 a.m. (give or take) during which time frame we leave the bedside light on and I do not sleep because I'm so scared the covers will some how get put over his face or something.
Considering this seems to be a constant occurance, we need to find the safest way to go about this which is why I'm curious how others handled this. I need to be able to feel comfortable enough with him in the bed so I can sleep while he's sleeping too. TIA!
Re: Cosleeping - Advice Needed
Did you say you have a rock 'n play sleeper? For the first almost 4 months, Phoenix slept in our room, in her rock n play, right next to the side of the bed (we'd alternate whos side it was on). We mostly did this because of her reflux, but it might be worth a try for you guys. That way, he's still in the room, right next to you so you can even hold his hand or rub his cheek, or whatever might comfort him enough to fall asleep without sleeping in the actual bed too. Even him being able to sense that you're right there might be comfort enough.
I totally have nothing against actual co-sleeping, but I am like you and I wouldn't have slept AT ALL if we tried full co-sleeping. I would have been terrified we'd roll over her or the blankets would cover her or something, lol.
His crib is in our room about three feet from our bed, so it's not an issue of him not being in the same room. He isn't close enough for me to touch while he's in the crib though. We do not have the RNP and in his case I don't think it would make a difference because just a simple touch doesn't do much when he's fussing. He really likes to be on my chest with both my hands on his back and I obviously cannot sleep like that in the bed (I have fallen asleep like that on our couch but not in bed). I don't think we're going to go to full on co-sleeping, just in the cases where he absolutely will not sleep in the crib.
What about a Co-Sleeper? Like the Arm's Reach.... http://www.amazon.com/Arms-Reach-Mini-Co-Sleeper-Bassinet/dp/B000HKY1GM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1300752946&sr=8-2
I see them on Craigslist a lot, you might want to check there. Also, have you ever been on the Attachment Parenting board on the bump? I bet those ladies have some great ideas for you.
I'll second Amelia on the No Cry Sleep Solution. Co-sleeping can be very safe if you know how to go about it. I plan to have the Arm's Reach for our baby.
Ah, got ya. Phoenix liked to sleep the same way on my chest too. I actually have one of those arm pillows...ummm...something like this, so when I would feed her in the bed in the middle of the night it was totally comfortable and quite a few times we both fell asleep with me holding her on my chest because of it. Still doesnt really help with co-sleeping, but I figured it was worth mentioning.
Thank you Amelia! I was really hoping you'd respond because I was pretty sure you were the one I was thinking of that had experience with this! Last night we tried using one of the head positioner things that someone got for us for the car seat, but our car seat has a built in one so we don't need it for that and I've been using it to have Alex next to me on the couch. We tried it in the bed inbetween us using only the sheet to cover us up, but even that wasn't doing it for him last night. He had to be snuggled close to one of us. The first time we found this worked was the same as you, I fell asleep nursing him while lying down. The thing that throws me off though is most of the time he's fine sleeping by himself either in his bouncer or in his crib but then once a night he decides that he just wants to be held. Last night we were up from 2:30 - 6:00 a.m. he was wide awake but just wanted to be held which was brutal.
We haven't been too worried about rolling on him because neither of us move much while we sleep, it's mostly the blankets I've been worried about because Joel pulls them way up on himself and if he does that with Alex in the bed then they would go over Alex's face, which is why I leave the light on and don't sleep much lol. It's good to know someone else that does it though and I'm definitely going to buy that book. Someone else had reccomended that book to me when they found out I was pregnant but I forgot about it.
I started looking into those co-sleepers yesterday but we can't really afford to buy another thing like that right now with me out of work on leave and every spare dime going towards a down payment on a house that *hopefully* will work out in the next few weeks! So I've been trying to find a solution without having to buy something else.
I've been lurking on the attachment parenting board but haven't posted yet, I figured I'd ask here first and see what kind of responses I got before going over there.
Those arm pillows are amazing. I used to have one in college which was great for studying on my bed. Right now I've just been putting my pillow up against the wall and using the Boppy to nurse which works pretty well. I've fallen asleep that way as well a couple times.
My sister only does co-sleeping. I don't even think she owns a crib. She's very old-fashioned, she doesn't even own a breast pump, she just always makes her self available and she's into cloth diapers as well. She has two healthy children and one on the way and never had any problems at all.
My biggest fear, aside from squishing baby, is that it will turn into a habit for them and that I will have to crib train them all over again. But, I'm also not a Mom (yet), so I really can' say for sure.
A good friend of mine swore up and down that she'd never do co-sleeping, but she actually does sometimes. She says it's just easier sometimes and that as a Mom, you are so overly aware of your child that their is no way you would squish them.
We bedshared for a few months when Parker was having a really hard time going back to sleep in the middle of the night. We would start him off in his own bed(in our room) and he usually would wind up in our bed by around 3am or so. It wasn't what we planned but it was what was working for us in that moment. We ordered a bed rail so that he could safely sleep on the side of the bed so I didn't have to worry about H rolling on to him or the blankets getting over his face. It worked out really well. I always had him wear a sleep sack so I knew he was warm enough since we didn't put blankets over him.
The co-sleepers are another great option like Mac said, but I know you said it isn't in the budget right now. Another option that I have seen people do on the AP board is sidecar their crib right next to their bed. I am not exactly sure how it is done but it seems like a lot of people who beshare find this really helpful.
I know for me I never worry about rolling on him or anything because I sleep so lightly now and are so aware of where he is at all times, but H sleeps a lot deeper. We moved him out and transitioned him to his own room during the last month and it hasn't been easy but it is possible. The NCSS is a great resource like a couple of the other posters mentioned.
It is funny because before he arrived I was very sure that he would just stay in our room a month or so(in his own bed) and then would be in his nursery sleeping in his own crib. We just barely moved him out of our room and still bedshare on occasion when necessary. I agree with Amelia, you just have to do what works for your family and not worry about what other people say or do, I know it is a lot easier said than done though...
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I am worried about this happening to us...glad you posted
Kevin tends to be a rough sleeper, working in a max sec. prison gives him crazy dreams. The things he says in his sleep are crazy and completely on accident he's jerked in his sleep and hit me. so for this reason alone i won't let the baby sleep with us.
However sometimes kevin works over night or early early mornings so if it's just me i have a feeling it may happen.
Thanks ladies for the additional support/advice!
Khart: I agree I know I wouldn't smoosh him, I'm more worried about him getting his face covered some how and suffocating, but with proper procautions I know we can avoid that.
Misspippa: I hear you on doing things differently than you had planned. Parenting really is a lot of adjusting to what works for your baby and you. I knew that we wouldn't have Alex in his own room for awhile because there isn't a room for him in our current house so we have to wait to make his nursery until we move.
Tonia: The crib front does not come off and unfortunately there isn't room by our bed to put the crib closer. I cannot wait to move so we will have a better set up!
JA: DH doesn't like that type of co-sleeper because he thinks it will take up too much room in the bed. The head positioner that we just started using is much smaller.
Last night Alex slept perfectly fine in his crib woke up every 2 1/2 hours to be fed and changed and then fell right back to sleep and let me put him down. It's so random, he'll have a few good nights and then a few nights where he wants to be held. We're really just going to have to play it by ear...
I'm a big fan of co-sleeping. If this was me, I would definitely invest in the attachment on the side of the bed. However, if $$ is tight than I think a previous suggestion of:
Pull down the crib side and put it next to your bed
Buy the sleeper for the middle of the bed
Just put the baby in the middle of the bed - I definitely think your maternal instincts wouldn't let you hurt the baby and you can make sure the covers don't cover his facw
GL! :-)