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moms
do you let your children go on playdates without you there? if so how old are your kids?
mila was asked to go to a friends house (without me there) to watch a movie. my throat closed , i got akward, and sort of froze up and did not know what to say. after a few moments i said i would call her cell in a few. the thoughts of mila crying as i pulled out of the driveway, her not behaving at the friends house, an accident occuring, her being kidnapped all flashed through my head. i know that some of these things could happen anywhere or at any time, but this is new for me and her. i have never dropped her off at another persons home and left.
she has has a few playdates with this friend while i have been there- both at her house and at ours. they are a nice family and the kids get along well. yet, i cant help but get a sick feeling at the thought of it. i know i sound really dramatic. i just dont know what to do. she may in fact surprise me and be ready to be dropped off by herself, but i know i am not. however, i dont want to stand in her way of being a kid and having friends and doing these things. i feel like that paranoid weirdo mom. like this is so not normal and why am i even worried about something soo normal.
i keep thinking that by the time baby number 3 is ready to do this ill just open the door at the curb and say bye bye without too much worry.
what do you think?
mila belle aka mimi and belle and miss isla aka ileigh : )
Re: moms
We must both be paranoid weirdo moms then. DD1 did not go to a friend's house without me until well into elementary school (and even then, it was a girl who lived 2 houses down...). Granted, she did play with some kids in my parents' neighborhood in the yard, but she was always within view. DS is 3, and the only "play date" he has had without us there was with his cousin when BIL/SIL babysat for us.
btw, in high school it isn't much different. Whenever DD wants to go to a friend's house that I don't know very well, I get super nervous. Are they going to have drugs there? Alcohol? Are the parents creepy? I know how I was when I was in HS, so I always take some time to think about it. If I am not comfy bringing her to a particular friend's house, then I tell her to see if they want to come to our house.
Good luck!!! It is just the beginning!
Can I add a question to the mix... just to think about it?
Do you have non-family babysitters for your kids? Isn't that kind of the same thing? If you do let "strangers" watch your children, why is that so much different than letting your child go to a friend's house for a couple of hours?
EDIT TO ADD: I'm not trying to criticize. As, I've said, I have not actually been in that situation. But, I just wanted to raise another point. If you leave your children under the charge of someone for another reason, why not for a little play date? Just a thought.
I have not done this yet either except with really good friends. I think I would feel really weird at first as well with a stranger.
this is a friend from school. we met this year, they live in another town. its close to my work.
alicia, personally i have never left the girls with a sitter- so this is all new for me. i worry about her following "my rules" at a friends house (one thing for her to jump on my couch another thing to do it at a friends (she does not do this- just an example), not freaking out when she realizes i am not there and in an unfamiliar place, i worry about foods she may try or things that i say no to but might be ok in this household. being left in a sitters care is one thing, but i think it adds-worry concern? something when its at a new house /household.
Lily has only been once I think with out me...She did great. I find my kids have both been on their best behavior when I'm not around. Zoe is older so has certainly been a few more times. I am lucky in the fact that my two best mom friends all have kids around the same age so if our kids are together we are usually hanging out in the kitchen having coffee...
Do what you are comfortable with, stay for a few minutes to make sure she is alright, ask Mila how she would feel about it before hand. You are only a cell phone call away. Look at it is some time to spend with just Isla or an hour or so to grocery shop or walk around Target!
Tristan has been on a play date twice without me at our neighbor's house. When I picked him up the second time he was chewing gum. All I told him was "honey, next time someone offers you gum you have to say no". Is he gonna do it, probably not.
So what I'm getting at is, things are gonna happen like that no matter what age they are. I've been with Tristan at birthday parties only to find out after the party that he drank soda or had something we normally don't allow at our house. And that's with me there.
I think as long as you're comfortable with the parents, enough to know that they keep a safe and clean home, I say send her and see how it goes. I bet she'll be just fine.
Unless it were a close friend of mine whom I trusted I would not leave my kids for a playdate. It has nothing to do with the fact of whether or not I think Christian could handle it. He would be fine and I would be fine leaving him (buh-bye) if it were at a friend's house. But like a play date at a daycare friends house...no way!
Oh and I would not be a big fan of a play date to watch a movie. Isn't the point of a play date for the kids to play?
I'd be ok with it if it were close friends/neighbors, etc. Just someone I'm getting to know would make me more nervous, I think I'd want a few more get togethers with everyone to make sure I'm comfortable.
And as for it being a movie, I wouldn't care - if I liked the parents and could get a break for a few hours, I'd be all over it. You know they will only watch part of the movie anyway, they can't sit still that long (at least Ben doesn't). Besides, unless you let your kid watch tv for 10 hours a day, just make the rest of that day an active one and the movie is fine. Maybe that makes me a sh!tty mom but tv is ok in small amounts now and then and often the only way I can get my youngest put to bed is when my oldest watches his letter movie.
Once they are closer to 10 they'll be heading off to friend's houses all the time - I watch my niece and nephew and all the neighborhood and school kids are back and forth at each other's houses ALL the time. So it's going to happen eventually.
"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon." - Alex & Ani bracelet
My blog: Dodging Acorns
I don't even want to think about having to deal with this!
As of right now, I don't think I'd feel comfortable letting Liza (when she is older) go to someones house unless I knew them well. I tend to be a little of a nervous nelly though. I mean, I've only left Liza once with my mom and a handful of times with DH and for only an hour or two so I'm not a good one to give advice