WWYD?

amidavey06

We've been handing down M's clothes and other things to her little cousin. we wanted to help out BIL and SIL since they did adopt and it was pretty sudden so they didn't have anything ready. We let them borrow alot of clothes, a swing, bouncer, and her bumbo. We found out that my brother and his wife are expecting a daughter this summer and wanted to lend them stuff also. DH called called BIL and found out that they have given away most of M's stuff to other people that they knew. I especially wanted the swing and her clothes back. Thankfully they did keep her "nice" clothes, but when I looked in the box there were formula stains all over the dresses. It looked awful.

I was pretty upset about the stains and the fact that they didn't ask us if it was okay to lend the items to someone else. Now I feel bad because I thought I would have the swing to let my brother use, but it's currently being used by someone BIL works with. I don't know what to do in this situation. I feel like I can't trust them enough now to hand down anymore things to them because I'm afraid I won't see them again. WWYD?

ostatekris05

I'd have your H call BIL and tell him you need all of your stuff back.  That's really rude of them to be loaning out things that aren't even theirs.  Also, I wouldn't be handing anything else down to them that you expect to be returned in good condition.  I'd take the stains on the clothing as a lesson learned, but get back the swing, bouncer, etc.

What is wrong with people?!

amanjay

Did they know they were on loan or did they think you were giving them to them? If it's the first, I understand their frustration. However, when you say "handing down" the way I would interpret that is as if it now belongs to me, so I could loan it out if I wished.

amidavey06

amanjay:

Did they know they were on loan or did they think you were giving them to them? If it's the first, I understand their frustration. However, when you say "handing down" the way I would interpret that is as if it now belongs to me, so I could loan it out if I wished.

We were letting them borrow it. I guess we should have actually said this but they know that we plan on having more children.

tjlovesthepokes

I would probably be upset, but I'd just take it as a lesson learned. Maybe from here on out I'd only loan them the things you don't care if you see again, or not and just keep the cutest/best.

As far as the stains - when you've got a baby, stains happen. Frequently. That's just part of it. So, the stains wouldn't bother me just because I know that it's likely to happen...

Steven&Jamie

If they knew the items were only on loan, then I would ask them to return the bigger items--the swing, bouncer, etc.  However it plays out, I don't think I'd be letting them borrow anything again, unless I was okay with not getting it back.

SunnyDaze31

It sounds like a mis-communication issue to me: they thought you were giving them the items, not loaning them.  Personally, I wouldn't hand anything else down to them unless you didn't want it back and just let this episode go. I understand why you're upset, but there's not much you can do to get your stuff back without burning some bridges with your BIL and SIL.

ShansBride

that sucks that you were trying to do something nice and your stuff got ruined.  I think I would probably have H explain to his brother that your brother is expecting a little girl and would like to borrow your things.

I also wouldn't let them borrow anything else.