Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Am I horrible for skipping my nephew's first birthday party?
No, you are not horrible for not attending your nephew's birthday party. I didn't go to my niece's 1st birthday party, I also didn't go to her 2nd birthday party. I did however, go a different day and spent time with her and my sister and gave her the present we got for her. I had much more fun with her the way I did it and I got to have 1-on-1 time with her that I wouldn't have had if I had gone to her party.
I understand that birthday parties are important and when I have kids my husband and I fully intend to make a huge deal out of their birthdays. That being said, I can understand why other people might not be able to or want to do the same. I think that if you go before or after the party-even the next day your sister should be able to understand that you are trying to do the best that you can for both of your commitments. Does one of your parents or another family member understand why you can't attend? If so, they might be able to explain to her better than you can.
Also, for people who think she can skip the charity sporting event...this is an event she helped plan... I obviously don't know the details, but it could be possible that if she doesn't attend it this year, after planning and pledging to be there...(if someone sees her as not being reliable) she might not be asked to help with it next year.
Ah, you truly are THAT mother. So let me get this straight--Mother wanting the earth to revolve around her and her spawn=honoring the importance of family BUT Mother understanding that her family members have things they care about in their lives other than her spawn, not bothering to attempt to schedule around those events, and being resentful toward them that they for not canceling plans when she wouldn't consider rescheduling for them=the family member being self-absorbed. Yeah, I stand my my comments. You need professional help and your warped view of the world will affect the way your children feel about you--and not in a good way.
teehee...I find this argument that has started kind of amusing. It is exactly the kind of drama that gets things crazy! For those who mentioned it, of course I know when his birthday is! It's a week AFTER the party, which is half of why I never thought these events could conflict. And when it occurred to me that it might, I brought it up immediately...before any invites had been sent. Yes, if it were an intimate, small party, there is no way I could not be there. But it is quite large and when it gets that big, I won't even be able to get any time with my nephew or my sister for that matter. I'm actually looking forward to more special one on one time with him, either the next day or on his actual birthday. As for the charity event, yes it's a fun time and yes, it's very important to me. There are a lot of folks counting on me. As soon as the date gets set for next year, I'll be letting my sister know right away!
I would be hurt by my sister's non-attendance, not to the point where I would yell and scream and throw a bloody fit and hate her for years to come. You sure do read A LOT into things I've written. You are truly amusing. I find your assesment of me very entertaining.
I think the fact that you refer to the OP's niece/nephew as her sister's "spawn" says a lot about how you see the world.
It'd be great if you got a chance to spend time with him on his birthday
i agree 100%. this is an ongoing commitment tht you have-and an EXCELLENT one at that. some parents forget tht the whole world doesn't revolve around their infant. it's infuriating! and NO-you should not have mentioned that when she was planning the party. she picks a date-whoever can go will, whoever can't won't-simple as that.
i liked the idea of stopping by with a gift as well.
Your words:
Yeah, I'm reading too much into what you wrote. YOU used the words: completely horrible and selfish, extremely hurt, ridiculous, hurtful and selfish, crush and hurt, and resentment. You are the one the that compared a wedding to a party for a first birthday. You are the one that overused "!". If you think I was reading a lot into you writing, maybe you need to take a few English courses to learn what you wrote really means. You didn't write that you would be "hurt", you chose the language highlighted above--and those words have meanings and none of them are equal to "I'd be slightly hurt but I'd get over it before I blinked."
And you still haven't answered the question: why does the Mother's wants and priorities override the non-Mothers wants, priorities, and prior long-standing commitment?
"I'd be slightly hurt but I'd get over it before I blinked"? Really? Uhmmm okay. No sense in responding because you will read whatever you want into what I say. I must say though thanks for making me laugh today with this continuing saga.
I suppose there's really no need for anyone to make time for family, especially if it involves someone else's spawn. Whatever. Think I'll call my sis tonight and let her know how much I appreciate her being as excited about my "spawn's" first birthday as I am.