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Family in town for (our) 5 yr anniversary...wwyd??
So husband and I live across the country from our families and my mom and dad recently booked a 10-day trip to come see us at the end of May....Which happens to coincide with our 5 year wedding anniversary. When they were talking about booking the trip, it didn't cross my mind to say anything like "um, don't be here on the 27th, okay?"...(not to mention that would be majorly b*tchy to say...especially since we aren't planning on going away for our anniversary wknd due to finances/school).
I love my parents, don't get me wrong...But I love my husband too and think an anniversary...(especially our 5th!!!) is super special/sacred. We're planning on celebrating it (after parents leave) with a mini-getaway the weekend after, but I still feel a little bit cheated. On one hand, I'm excited to share something special with my parents, as we only see them a handful of times each year, but on the other hand...ugh.
What would you do? Would it be viewed as rude and selfish to plan a day/fancy dinner, etc., with just my husband and I while the parents found something else to do? Or do I play it safe and plan a special day for everyone? I mean, it IS our 5th anniversary :-/ We've worked hard to get to this point, dangit 
torn!
tia....
Re: Family in town for (our) 5 yr anniversary...wwyd??
We spent our 1 year anniversary with my parents. We spent our 2nd year anniversary in different states. Our thrid year will be at a friend's wedding.
I don't get the big deal. Just celebrate, the two of you, on a different day. tts what we do when we have to. But Im not overly sentimental. we're also celebrating mothers day on a different day this year because H will be out of town.
Our first anniversary last year coincided with my sil's bridal shower so we had tons of family and events that weekend. There was no way we could have done anything more than that. We celebrated the weekend after and everything worked out okay. It was a bit of a let down though because anniversaries to us are important.
My suggestion is maybe carve out some time that weekend to go to a nice restaurant...that way you're still celebrating and spending time together!
First, anniversaries are not SACRED. At least not to the point that if you DO NOT CELEBRATE ON THE DATE, YOUR MARRIAGE WILL FALTER.
However, there is NOTHING WRONG with letting Mom and Dad know that you are planning on going out to dinner Friday night (the exact date of your Anniversary).
If they are staying at your place, leave them with a yummy casserole in the over and head on out.
But in the grand scheme of things, to worry about a hard date vs spending time with your parents is shortsighted.
Don't listen to these ladies and their logic -- everybody knows your marriage is doomed if you don't celebrate your anniversary on the actual day.
Our 1st anniversary is coming up in a few weeks....and it falls on our weekend with SD. We're not going to swap weekends with her mom so we can be alone all weekend. We'll just work around it. Not a big deal. She usually goes back to her mom around dinner time on Sundays anyhow.
If you want to spend a few hours alone on your anniversary do what PP suggested. Go to dinner, just the two of you and make something for your parents to eat while you're gone.
Basically I'm w/ Illumine. If you want to go out to dinner on your anniversary, then do so. Especially if your parents are going to be w/ you for 10 days - I think taking a break from each other could actually be a good thing.
But past that... good grief. Your anniversary is sacred? Come on now.
Here's a little tip about life- you get thrown curve balls that can really throw things off kilter. You have to allow room for this. You HAVE to. I don't really see your parents coming as a "curve ball", per se, but you're reaction over this - a bit much and makes me wonder how you'll handle the harder stuff in life.
~Benjamin Franklin
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Soo you're planning on spending every day/every hour with your parents for 10 days straight? I would think that you all would need a break from each other at some point. I'm sure they wouldn't mind a night off to do whatever they want so I'd recommend they do that when you tell them you both have plans on that evening.
And I agree w/ PPs, anniversaries are not sacred IMO.
I am sentimental, and things like anniversaries are important to me. So I get wanting to celebrate. But stuff happens.
On our 1st anniversary last year, we planned to go to Coney Island, where we got engaged, to celebrate. H got sick as a dog, and instead we spent the day with him in bed and me taking care of him. It sucked, but it was only fair after I got sick and we had to cancel plans and he took care of me all during our 1st married Valentine's Day.
So this year our anniversary fell on Monday. We chose to celebrate primarily on Sunday and try Coney Island again. We went and had a blast, but ditched our plans to go out to the end of the long pier, where he actually proposed, because it was freakin' cold. Not imperative stuff, but still plans that had to change.
Point is, after that novel, stuff happens. And rolling with it is the way to go.
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We just celebrated our fifth year wedding anniversary a few months ago, and while we had a nice celebration it hardly seemed like something we had to do privately or something that meant other activities had to be on hold (like work, parties or visitors). To my mind, friends and family could certainly visit on and around my anniversary. Why not? How does it make it less special? Especially the ones that were at the wedding and were happy to see us wed and at the start of our lives together. Not every year, but certainly as life happens.
In turn, I don't stop my life when people visit. I accomodate and made certain to be a good host, but I don't put all of my plans and preferences on hold. I will take some days off, but I don't take extra days off from work. Next month, I have a friend visiting and she'll come in on a Thursday night, and I am going to work on Friday. She's delighted to sleep-in and entertain herself for the day and we'll have wonderful things to do for the weekend.
If your parent's visit falls on your anniversary, especially a 10-day visit, there is nothing wrong with saying that you've made plans together for the day/night to celebrate together and you'll see them the next day - that they are still welcome to do as they please, you just won't be joining them. That's completely FINE. If they get annoyed, shrug it off, they don't have to agree with you and it may be good to set some boundaries around your time and priorities at such a long visit.
On the other hand, I would be inclined to include them in the fun, espeically because they live far away. How often do you get an excuse and audience to watch your wedding video, reminince about the wedding (good and bad) and eat cake? I'd order-in something off your wedding menu and make it a party.
But that's me.
I'd make a small party of it. Your folks are there; do you live near anyone else who was in your wedding? Invite them over for dinner, celebrate with friends/family, and have your mom and dad help you get your party ready. A party of six or eight is easily manageable as a sit down dinner at home, or a bbq, or whatever.
And seriously, it's a day. If you want to celebrate privately and alone, then don't invite people to stay with you the weekend of your anniversary.
First, anniversaries are important to me too. I get it. Every year, DH and I go back to the place we got engaged at around the anniversary of when we got engaged. It's a special place to us, and it's something fun (ice skating) that we enjoy doing.
This July we will celebrate 2 years of marriage on different continents. I will be home working while he is in Europe on a trip with a student group he works with. He's not coming back until 2 weeks after our anniversary. We've decided to just celebrate when he gets back. Does it suck? Yep. But that's life.
My parents have been married 32 years. For the last 20 years or so, our family reunion has fallen on the weekend of their anniversary. This means that there are over 50 family members in town that weekend, and most of them need somewhere to stay. My parents willingly give up rooms in their house and time to accomodate out-of-town guests and celebrate either a week early or a week late. The only exception to this was when they celebrated 30 years because they went on vacation with my aunt and uncle (who share the same anniversary date, but 5 years later so they were celebrating their 25th and wanted to do something special). Other than that, they are their every year.
I honestly can't even tell you what we did to celebrate our "sacred" 5 year wedding anniversary. I imagine we went to dinner somewhere.
I never understand why some women put so much emphasis and importance on a single date like this. Inform your parents that you and your H are going out to dinner just the two of you and will meet up with them the next day. Or invite them to dinner with you. If you two didn't already have major plans that would be ruined by company being in town, I truly don't get the big deal here.
if they're going to be there for 10 days i dont know what's keeping you from saying 'we already have plans for our anniversary on this date but we'd be happy to spend any other night with you while you're here'. i mean i fit really is a big deal that you're together and alone on that date and no other day.
but do you think perhaps your parents planned it that way? a 5th anniversary is a big one-i think they might want to celebrate with you.
by the way-my DH was working on my 5th so i went out for dinner with my mom. dh and i went another night. no biggie. clearly the earth hasn't stopped spinning and i've not been struck dead
Nothing would make your parents happier than the knowledge that you two have a happy, healthy marriage with the ability to set boundaries when appropriate and spend your anniversary alone together. If they're staying with you, get a nice hotel room from hotwire, if they're staying in a hotel, give them maps of town, or the address of the tourism office, and tell them they're on their own for that day and night. 5 years is a great testament to your good marriage and hard work together, celebrate it!