Confused....

purdygirl81

I know there is something going on deep down mentally but I can not figure it out.  I have so many issues witht he husbands ex wife that I can't connect with my husband.  Its a very long story so to make it short.... we met, he was still best friends with his ex who left him after 4 years for another woman.  I was told she would always be in his life and his best friend and when she wanted to move back in with him I said i was done and It wasnt what I wanted in my life, well 3 weeks later i found out i was prego, so now....  we got married had 2 children and I still feel like the other woman in his life.  I cant have sex without getting images of him and her together, i feel like I am just here so he isnt alone becasue he cant be with who refered to as the "love of his life" before we married.  He says he has no love or feelings for her anymore, but i cant help but constantly compare myself to her and its to the point where i just want to leave, i feel it will never go away and i will always feel distant to him, and like there will never be a connection between us....  I want to be a whole family for my girls especially since he is in the airforce and moves all over the world and not being married they will rarley get to see him if he moves out of the U.S....   sigh   I believe my girls happiness is much more important than my own.

DaringMiss

MUD.

ReturnOfKuus

I sure hope it's MUD.

TarponMonoxide

If it was not what you wanted in your life, you should have said goodbye to him right there. Why didn't you move on there and then?

theluckiest555

Oh wow I am so sorry. This sounds like a mess. Well, I can say that it is very mature of you to be thinking of your kids before yoursself. Good for you for sticking with him. Still, you have to think of your own happiness. This must be a very difficult situation for you. How long have you been together? Do you guys love eachother? I would have an honest discussion with him. Tell him how you feel like the other woman and how you will always feel second best to her because she was the love of his life. That isn't fair of him.... he needs to deal with his feelings for his ex and figure out what his feelings for YOU are. It must be especially painful that he broke up with his ex because she was a lesbian, not because they weren't compatible. You did a good thing for your baby by sticking with him, but now you need to be a little selfish here. If you are being hurt, something needs to be done. If it comes down to it, tell him its either her or you. If he doesnt pick you, then I'm sorry but its time to find someone that will treat you like you are the #1 woman in his life.

ReturnOfKuus

She did a good thing for her baby by sticking with a guy who treats her like second fiddle?  Whaaaat?

sweetface83

In the event that this isn't MUD, if you're DH does get stationed overseas, he'll still get leave on occasion and be able to visit his girls.  There are many single moms and dads in the military and they make it work.  You both just have to be willing to be flexible and remind yourselves that it's all about doing what's best for your kids.

Think about it:  do you want your girls to grow up in an unhappy household or do you want them to grow up with a strong, independent and happy woman as a role model? 

Also, you can get some counseling through Military One Source, either individually or as a couple.  It's a tough and life-changing decision.  You want to make sure you have a clear head about it.

GL to you OP, if this isn't MUD of course. 

kharrima

I understand what you mean about images in your head. Talk to him about these feelings and tell him you see him and his ex together when yall are intimate. Have a signal that you give him during sex and when that happens he needs to distract you by talking to you and that way you aren't thinking about them together.