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WWYD: Bridal Shower vs. Bday party?
This weekend I received an invite for a bridal shower for my friend, who's wedding I'm in in October.
She had given all of us BM's a heads up that she'd be having 2 bridal showers in May. She lives in FL and the showers are here in Chicago suburbs. It stinks because it's Mother's Day weekend and it's also the weekend btwn DH and I's birthdays.
I told the bride that DH and I were planning on throwing a birthday party that Saturday, May 7th (DH's bday is the 4th and mine is the 9th) and she said not to worry that there was one shower on friday afterwork (haven't received an invite) and one Saturday morning. Well I got the invite and it's Saturday at 3pm. It takes an hour to get to/from. For our bday party we were going to grill on DH's new grill (getting this weekend, yay), get a keg, play bags in the yard, etc.
I suggested that we have it on Friday instead and DH said it may be too hard to get off work and have time to set up and have sunlight to play bags. He says I should skip the shower since I already gave her a heads up that we were busy that night.
I'm thinking I should work to convince DH to have the party on Friday b/c I'd feel like an awful friend/BM to skip the shower! What do you think?
And sorry this became a novel!
ETA: And the following weekend we have friends staying with us, so we can't do it then.
Re: WWYD: Bridal Shower vs. Bday party?
It sounds like they'll be a shower on friday evening too? you could plan on going to that one, that way you can still have the bday party saturday. I would think the bride would be understanding since you already gave her a heads up.
either that or you could push the bday party back to the next weekend so that you could attend both/either of the showers. I think it's ok to have a bday party the weekend later for both of you.
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Can I be rude and ask why the heck she's having 2 showers in one weekend? I find that... odd.
If you find out there actually is another shower on Friday, I'd stick with your birthday plans and attend the Friday shower. And if not, maybe try to switch the party to the next weekend, as Becca suggested. I think your husband's right - Friday nights are rough for a party.
Since she lives in FL it's a flight here and I guess they decided that there were so many people they wanted to do 2 shower and try to cut down on flight expense by having them the same weekend.
Erica and Becca- the next weekend we have friends, they're a couple, staying with us so I'd hate to force upon them to have the party then b/c they're not really big-party type.
I'm just nervous now that the bride was mistaken and I won't be invited to the friday shower. I guess I'm just annoyed in general that they'd decide to have them on Mother's Day weekend also. And the invite received already talks about how the bride is flying so gifts should be sent to her address in FL or gift cards should be given. Then it says, but so the bride will still have something to open, get her something small, some of her fav things are...and it lists dvds, booze (specific types), games, etc. It's like WTF, if I buy her yahtzee in addition to a GC, then I'm spending more money and Yahtzee isn't that much smaller than the container of cookie cutters she's registered for.
Sorry to vent, I know I'm being a brat about this but I'm just super annoyed with the timing of this. The wedding isn't until the end of Oct, so why does the shower have to be Mother's day (aka b!tchy Hannah talking: my bday weekend)?
Blah! Thanks for listening!
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That's just utterly ridiculous. And I still think 2 showers in one town on the same weekend is as*nine - just combine forces and have one, for goodness sake. And to tie people up on Mother's day weekend on top of it? Bleh.
I change my answer - send a gift and have your party. But I'm b*tchy like that.
I agree about the "rules" of the shower. I understand that she's flying, but that's part of having a shower somewhere other than where you live, right? I mean, you just deal with it.
And, yes, I agree to an extent about having two showers in one weekend, but only if the same people are invited to both. My sister-in-law is dying to throw a baby shower for us, and the only day that worked out is the day after the one my friends are throwing for me. So I will have a shower on Sat and one on Sun but the only people who will be invited to both are Chris' sister, and my mom. I would never dream of inviting my friends (even my best friends!) to the one on Sunday, too!
I say go to the one on Friday night (maybe just let her know that's all you'll be able to do so you don't get bumped from the invite list) and have your party on Saturday. You're already probably spending a fortune to be in the wedding anyway, especially considering the travel. So no need to buy two gifts for two showers in one weekend (but that's me being cheap!).
Megan & Chris
Yay, Erica and Megan, I like your responses (probably just b/c they're what I want to hear, haha).
The showering gift thing is annoying and I could see getting her Yahtzee bc we used to play it all the time the year we lived together, but I'm sure others will get it for her since it's on a small random list and there's no way of knowing if it's already been purchased.
Megan - I think the baby shower think is understandable/fine since it's mainly different groups of people.
I'll just have my fingers crossed that in the next couple of weeks I get an invite for the Friday shower!
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Ok I will play devil's advocate here. I agree that two showers in the same weekend is a little excessive but I am sure there is some sort of reason (valid or not) and I have to believe that the bride didn't actually plan these events. But she is the one traveling and she is the bride, so it should be convenient for her. Are you a bm? Did you have any input in the shower? It does totally stink also that it is mother's day weekend, but it's not actually mothers day. Is this a big b-day for you and DH (like 21st or 30th?) If not, I would say that this takes precedent over your birthday (sorry). She is getting married once. You will have other birthdays and parties.
I guess I would put my friend first in this situation, especially if you are a bm. I had a really difficult time with some of my bm's for my shower (and all other events) and I wasn't supposed to know anything about it. I remember (not that long ago) feeling like I just wanted the support of my friends, even if it is slightly inconvenient for for them and I wanted to stop being the one suffering for things I didn't plan. The gifts and the dates and the 2 showers is all crazy but I am not sure the bride is to blame and she would be the one to suffer.
I agree! My showers were in my hometown, and I lived 3 hours away. We didn't have to fly but still had limited space. I would have been SO embarrassed if someone had said something like that in an invite. We made it work.
Hannah, you should just get her what you want to get her and take it friday if you're invited or just mail it and not worry about the Saturday shower. Since you've been there try to put yourself in her shoes - I bet you wouldn't have been too upset if someone couldn't make it to your shower bc they had other plans.
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I am totally with you! I also got the impression that some of the same people would be invited to both showers, and think it's a lot to ask from her friends.
If I had other plans, I would definitely skip one; if I didn't, I would probably go (because I just am not good at coming up with excuses), but would complain about it for the next month - and maybe even after the showers, too - ha!
Megan & Chris
I personally have a rule that if an invite lists presents someone wants or provides a website to donate money towards a honeymoon/house, I do not attend nor do I send a gift. I think it is incredibly rude and gift grabby...but that's beside the point.
If I were you, I'd still plan your party for Saturday and not think twice about it. You already told her you had plans that Saturday. If you get an invite for the Friday shower, go if you want, but if you don't and only get an invite to the Saturday shower, just decline and remind her that you already told her you had plans. Besides, a shower in May when the wedding isn't until October is just crazy. I had my shower in August and I thought that was early.
Thanks! Yeah, one is for friends, and one is for family. So that's why I don't feel bad about it (although I'm sure my mom would rather be doing something else one of those days!).
I'm kind of selfish, so maybe I'm not the best giver of advice here. I personally would just let her know that you talked to your husband, and you guys aren't able to rearrange your plans for Saturday, but you hope you'll receive an invitation to the Friday shower so you have a chance to see her while she's in town.
Megan & Chris
It's our 25th bday, so not really that major.
Megan- ditto. I had my shower (and wedding) 3 hours from Chicago. We had all gifts and everything shipped to my parents actually, just because mail is sometimes unreliable here. I guess I'm so used to TK's etiquette board saying that if you want a note like that (about shipping gifts) on an invite, then you really should decline the shower b/c that's the whole point.
Maybe I'll see what her plans are for the Saturday morning. I could prep stuff for the bday party on Friday night, then go spend some time helping bride with whatever and be at the shower for an hour or so and then go back for the bday party?
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And do you have a lot of the same friends as this girl? Meaning, would people have to choose between your party or her shower?
We called it bags, other's call it "Corn Hole" and I'm not sure about other names. It's tossing bean bags into a board with a hole in it from a certain distance.
A2: Nope, not at all. We're friends from college and most bday party friends would be local friends we've made or hs friends we still hang out with. Good question though!
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