North Florida Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I have to know (somewhat FFC)
Do all men turn into idiot a$$holes once they become fathers? DH is really great and has taken great care of me while pregnant and not feeling well. He is so excited to be a dad. I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with his child if I didn't think he would make an amazing father. But from reading posts on the nest and the bump, it seems like so many guys are just awful once they become dads. They become complaining, lazy dads and husbands.
I have to believe these women didn't marry guys knowing they were dickkheads, so I am assuming these guys just turned that way when the baby was born. Now I'm worried that the baby is going to ruin my marriage. Please tell me all women don't have miserable marriages once they have a baby...
Honeymooning
Re: I have to know (somewhat FFC)
I think you see more of the bad stuff about husbands here because it is a place for women to vent. I have a feeling that getting a feel for how men react after becoming a parent is not accurately represented here.
I'm not saying some of them might actually be lazy jerkwads, but don't forget to factor in hormone shifts in women (skewed perception sometimes) and the fact that it seems that there is an adjustment period for new parents as well.
I'm sure your H will be an awesome dad and if not, don't be afraid to tell him to step up.
What I am saying is, there is hope.
My DH is an amazing responsible and engaged father. He never balks at changing a diaper and doesn't flinch about carrying our pink and brown diaper bag.
I'm going to assume that people are only posting on the Nest and Bump to complain and there are plenty of other people who have no complaints so they don't post. I'll compare it to a plane crash. We only read articles about crashes, not about all the successful flights that occur every day.
How is it that my BABY is going to be 3?
BFP-2/25/11; 8 Wk U/S-3/25/11-No HB, measured 6.5 wks; D&C
Gah, I'm flying tomorrow. I don't fly... like, ever. I'm so freaking scared and now all the planes are breaking. Totally unrelated to this post but yeah.... ugh
Pretend you did not see this. Sorry!!!
How is it that my BABY is going to be 3?
BFP-2/25/11; 8 Wk U/S-3/25/11-No HB, measured 6.5 wks; D&C
I definitely agree with PPs that we hear more of the bad on these boards than we do the good since it's an outlet for many of us to vent.
I have another theory, but it may get me flamed. I honestly think that some of these women have unrealistic expectations, and/or severely overreact to certain situations. If your husband wasn't helpful around the house (which doesn't necessarily make him a bad husband) before you had a baby, you can't exactly be shocked when he doesn't turn into this amazingly helpful man after (not that men won't change, but it's certainly not a given).Yes, having a baby is a huge commitment and both parties should contribute, but that doesn't mean he's going to become a completely different person.
I also read a lot of vent posts that I give a big ol'
to, not because of the husband, but because of what the OP is complaining about. I have to be honest that I don't always see the OPs side of the argument.
I do realize that there are plenty of situations where DHs just act like asshats, but I think a decent bit of the vents we read are partially in part to the things I mentioned above.
ETA: I realize I don't have children yet and may be eating my words later. I take full ownership of this fact.
No worries, I'll just add you to the list of people I'm going to haunt when it does crash
I totally believe in ghosts
How is it that my BABY is going to be 3?
BFP-2/25/11; 8 Wk U/S-3/25/11-No HB, measured 6.5 wks; D&C
That's true. I didn't really think about the fact that what we see are going to be the people complaining b/c people aren't going to start a post saying "Hey my husband is a good husband and father" That makes me feel better! Thanks ladies!
Good, I don't like being ignored
I agree with everyone. I think we all use this as a place to vent.....which is fine, I certainly appreciate it and take advantage once in awhile.
We should AW our significant others more often. haha
Well, I'll add a measure of realism here: no, they don't all turn into a$$holes, but as we know, men have their a$$hole moments every few days. And when you have a baby, aren't sleeping, caring for it almost 100% yourself, and constantly wondering what you're doing right and wrong, a$$hole moments on the part of your partner suddenly REALLY stand out. They're not unusually thoughtless, but it may strike you that they haven't changed much and that can seem very insulting. It's also that you sacrifice your daily life as a matter of course, but many men still need to be asked to do each thing rather than asking you what they can do. And of course, that's how most men are daily, but they're continuing to be that way after the baby is born seems willfully oblivious and lazy.
I don't like to vent on my H online because sometimes people that know him read my posts, but this is an innocuous example that he knows is true: He works in an office. I work at home. We both work full time at extremely similar jobs. However, when he comes home, he still wants to work out, shower, unwind with video games, watch tv, go out in the yard, whatever. I never come home: I am home. I don't have a set time to work out, and if I want to step out in the yard, I have to make sure he's watching Michael. When he goes to bed, he goes to sleep because he has to get up and go in. When I go to bed, I assume I'll be woken up any number of undetermined times, maybe not sleep that much at all, and still have to get up early and work, if Michael is having a good day and lets me. Some days I can't even work. If I leave, I have to plan enough hours in advance to make sure I've pumped enough for a meal, make sure DH is free and willing, etc. If he leaves, he just leaves.
None of that is unusually a$$holish, but I'll tell you... after 4 months of rarely more than 3 hours of sleep in a row, getting interrupted after 7 minutes of working out, and an epic amount of planning for the one time you go out for 4 whole hours, it can really chap your ass.
Most of them don't mean to be jerky, nor do they mean to be oblivious. But they are still men and most of them don't give a rip about your internal battles with motherhood, much less how their advice and daily life sounds to a half-insane, sleep-deprived woman. And that is why the bump is an angry, angry world. lol
Makes sense. I think that was a good way of wording it. Thanks DP!
Yes, very well put (& i think maybe a bit therapeutic.) lol
This. My DH is great. He was actually a SAHD for almost the first year of our son's life due to the circumstances (being a preemie). Even now, he still contributes a lot to our son and our home life.
That was another poster.