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Trip to the Bathroom..Had to share
When you have to
visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile
politely and take your place.
Once it?s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.
Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you
dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won?t latch. It doesn?t matter,
the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern ?seat covers? (invented by
someone?s Mom, no doubt) is handy,but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one,
but there isn?t ? so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your
neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the
FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ? The Stance.?
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have
gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake
You?d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn?t taken time to
wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold ?The Stance?.
To take your mind off your
trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet
paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother?s voice
saying, ?Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have
KNOWN there was no toilet paper!? Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
yesterday - the one that?s still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse
around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle
yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple
it in the puffiest way possible. It?s still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open
because the latch doesn?t work.
The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck
in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward
against the tank of the toilet.
?Occupied!? you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled
tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and
slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it?s too late. Your bare bottom
has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
uncovered seatbecause YOU
never laid down toilet paper
- not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
because, you?re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,
dear,
?You just don?t KNOW
what kind of diseases you could get?.
By this time, the automatic
sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes,
propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the
bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs
down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab
onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You?re soaked by the spewing water
and the wet toilet seat.
You?re e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and
then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can?t figure out how to operate the faucets with the
automatic sensors, ?..so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper
towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
toilet paper trailing from your shoe.(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the
paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman?s hand and tell her warmly,
?Here, you just might need this?.
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,
used, and left the men?s restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, ?What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging
around your neck?? ?????.
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restrooms (rest??? you?ve GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to
the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other
commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It?s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand
you Kleenex under the door!
Shmel's Blog
Re: Trip to the Bathroom..Had to share