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Helping sick parents
I don't truly know where to start with this but am hoping someone might be able to provide some sort of insight and help with how to handle this situation.
I live 400 miles from my father who is currently living in the house that I grew up in with my three older siblings. He has not been in the best of health for several years having two surgeries last year to place stints in both his leg and carotid artery. He quit smoking a year ago after smoking for probably 40 years. He is diabetic but doesn't eat the food his dietician suggests.
Recently, he was hospitialized with pneumonia, released and readmitted a week or so later. He has since been released again and returned to his home with my siblings.
All in all, my father has some serious health problems. Bigger than his health problems is his inability to communicate or be honest with his children. He refuses to tell us exactly what is wrong with him making it impossible to help him in the way that he might need.
I am simply frustrated and want to help him. I don't know that i have any real question here besides if anyone has been in a similar situation that might have some insight into how is best to help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Am I missing something in the way my father is choosing to keep us all in the dark about his health?
Re: Helping sick parents
My FIL (just about to turn 70) is sort of like this. He won't tell us he had surgery until he is out of surgery. Usually it's not a huge surgery, but it's still surgery!
Honestly, you can't change people like this. You can't make him tell you things about his health. It stinks, but there really isn't much you can do about this.
Sorry, this isn't a lot that you can do here. He doesn't have to share his medical information with you.
He might be embarrassed or feeling like he doesn't want to be a burden.
He definitely doesn't want to be a burden. I know that's how he's feeling. Unfortunately, we have found out that he has suffered some serious medical complications and he is most likely dying. I am concerned because I don't want to feel like I am leaving him alone while he is going through so much and potentially knows he is dying. In fact, I believe he is hoping he is on his way out but, selfishly, I wish he would share that with myself and my siblings. I know it is selfish but I still feel like we could be more present and together with him if that is the case.
I'm sorry this situation is so tough.
I guess the only real advice I have is to write him a letter and tell him everything that you love and admire about him, while he is still able to appreciate it.
T&P to you and your family during this tough time.
This reminds me of what I went through with my Dad before I found out the whole story with his health.
There isn't that much you can do.... some people with failing health have huge denial about the severity of their condition.
You CANNOT make someone change their habits.... like eating better or what not.... he has to do that. He has chosen not to. That is HIS decision.... and I know you probably feel helpless and upset by it..... BUT these were HIS LIFESTYLE choices..... HE chose this..... this is not your fault.
I would continue to call and make small talk... Ask how he is doing... what did he do today.... normal conversation.... if he wants to tell you something he will if not... well..... you have had a nice conversation with your dad which I'm sure he will like
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.