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VENT...REALLY...now what?
This may get long I apologize in advance. My FH and I are relocating soon because of his Job. He has children from a previous relationship, he has sole custody and placement of the children, bio-mom only sees them at supervised visit otherwise they have a nocontact court order and FH has a restraining order, state law still required him to infrom bio-mom of the move. She could then contest the move and go to court, which we were some what expecting, even though I believe it wouldn't have held up in court, the children have not lived with her for 5 years and we have lived together for 3 years,in the past 6 years she has been in and out of the kids lives with very limited contact. The only way this could have had a negative affect on us would be if FH had to stay in this state for court and couldn't report for his new job when needed. She didn't contest the move yet she informed the court and FH's laywer that she was planning to move toward the same are we are to be closer to the children..REALLY???? Obviously there is history here that the kids have protective orders and supervised visits. She has rarely been in their lives long before FH and I met and while we have been together, we have been raising the kids together for the last three years. She suffers from mental health issues and it affects all of our lives when she goes off her medication. These poor kids have been through so much, I wish she could get her act together and keep it together or just leave them alone...couldn't be that lucky though.
Here's my main concern. FH is in miliatry and is guarented a deployment when we move. I am afraid we will move and she will follow us out there and all of the court documentation from where we live now will mean nothing. Then I will be alone going to court trying to keep their mother from what she has done and been known to say she might do. The only way I have though of to be positive is that she won't really move and I won't have to worry about it.
Any input would be great thanks.
Re: VENT...REALLY...now what?
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Make sure it means something by bringing it. Get whatever documentation you can. Bring it, it will mean something even if it means nothing but a long documented paper trail. Also, what does his lawyer say? If he knows your FH is military he must have prepared for deployment.
If he hasn't you want to research a lawyer experienced with military.
Check us out
I would definitely consult with your lawyer now and get their recommendation for a new one there and consult with them as soon as possible.
That said, saying you want to move and actually moving are two completely different things. So I'd hold out some hope that she won't be able to get her act together and this is another empty statement from her.
FH is Future Husband, right? Are you planning to get married before he deploys? I'm not someone who typically recommends this, but in your situation it seems like there would be a lot of benefits.
Even if you don't do that though, the base legal offices can still help him give you power of attorney before his deployment, which would help you in case she decides she wants custody or visitation rights while he is deployed.
First, get married. Not just for this whole legal mess, but for your protection within the Military System. - You will have health care, access to the Commissary/BX/Family Programs (ie the pool for the kids to play at in the summer), access to information if somethig were to happen to him, and finally JAG. IF something were to happen while your now DH is gone, they are your first defense/font of knowlege.
Second, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a new lawyer where you are and ENSURE THAT HE/SHE KNOWS ABOUT SERVICEMEMBERS CIVIL RELIEF ACT. Many times, a deployed AD gets screwed because his/her representatives (to include the civlian lawyers) do not know about the laws protecting them.
This way, as his wife with your Power of Attorneys, you can stop her from doing anything once your now DH is gone. Which, I would suspect she would try to do....
Third, being proactive, ie contacting the courts in your new location regarding your stipulations from your previous state is your very first step. HOWEVER, any member of the law has to uphold the law (in most cases) from a previous state. So if your BM shows up demanding the kids....call the cops, show them the Custody Agreement and have them remove her from the premises.
Fourth (and final) - If you are really worried about dealing with her while your now DH is gone, live on base. That way she cannot just show up to your door (again, you need to be married to do this).
I cannot stress enough, that if you are living with an AD servicemember and caring for the kids, you need to be married. This is to cut down the red tape and protect YOUR interests.