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Thoughts?
My mom is kind of a loose cannon. She seems emotionally stunted and can be very petty and vindictive. I've allowed her to be around Abby because I feel that although she was cruel to me as a child and still is at times it doesn't mean she'll be a bad grandmother. I don't want to deprive her of a relationship with Abby and I want Abby to have that relationship as well.
My mom works thirds and has Friday nights off, so shes been watching LO every other Friday. A few weeks ago she was watching A when I called to check up on her and the baby. She was mad about something ridiculous that had happend earlier in the day (basically she said something tactlless and was feeling like an idiot because of it) and started crying, screaming and cursing on the phone. This was the second incident where she had lost control screaming and crying while watching the baby, I calmly asked her to please stop or go in the other room because I didn't want A exposed to it. She freaked out and told me she'd never watch her again and not to call her anymore the baby was fine.
I wasn't okay with that, period. I called DH and he used fmla to leave work and go home and get LO. She told him she wanted all of my baby albums (pics of me) and various other items back and she'd never be a part of our lives again. I later contacted her and told her I was willing to work on OUR problems (although it isn't me screaming, threatening, cursing...) if she was. Shes seen A once since then. She asked me if I would allow her to watch the baby again, I said yes but I don't think I can. I don't want A exposed to that behavior and neither I nor DH can run home when she decides to have a melt down and threaten to never watch the baby again. It really stinks because we DO need a sitter and Dh is just going to have to use fmla every other friday until we can find one. Its such a sad situation. Thoughts?
Re: Thoughts?
I want you to think about why you typed the previous statement. You certainly don't have to post a response to us, but this deserves some soul searching on your part.
Would you treat your daughter the way your Mom treats you? The idea alone is appalling, isn't it?
Your child is now your highest priority, even over your relationship with your mother and you will need new childcare. Your mother doesn't get to watch her again, unsupervised, ever, based on her past and present behavior.
Thank you. I had never looked at it from that perspective. You are absolutely right.
YW
I used to have this type of relationship with my dad, so I realize this is hard to deal with.
She has never been to a psychiatrist, at least as an adult. I think that could be the key to getting her properly diagnosed and medicated appropriately. She has seen a family doctor before and he diagnosed her with depression and prescribed her some antidepressent medication which she does not take on a regular basis.
I wish there was a way that I could get her to see that she needs help like that, but shes full of excuses and reasons why she can't or won't get help. Its classic mental illness and really the more I look at it the worse I feel for ever trusting her with my LO.
My thoughts...
There is more to a grandparent relationship then just the interaction between Grandparent and Grandchild. A child should never be exposed to any grandparent (bio or inlaw) being hurtful or rude to her parents.
Especially if the parents do not turn around and STAND UP FOR themselves.
Every day you teach your children through example. Is this an example you want her to learn? That screaming is ok? That there are certain people are allowed to treat you like carp? That mommy doesnt have a spine?
I say this to you from personal experience. My SS had outbursts like this. On the day that I noticed my DD watching SS with understanding AND fear, I finally grew a spine with my DH. It took a trial separation to get him to understand that I was not going to put up with it anymore.
You have to do what is best for your children.
Nope. I would only let her do if after:
a) mom got some serious therapy
b) I hadn't experienced any '***' from her for at least a few months after that.
And I'd explain to her that you will not allow your daughter to be exposed to her behaviour until you feel she has control over herself for a good long while. This might be a motivation for your mom to work on her major issues.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto. No way is somebody like that having unsupervised visits with any child of mine. Its better to not have a sitter and know your baby is safe than to have a sitter who might be neglectful of your child and your baby could be seriously harmed. Also, you don't owe her anything. Not even baby pictures or baby books. Those things belong to you, and if she wants to treasure the memories of your childhood and be involved in your own kid's childhood, then she needs to straighten up and get her act together pronto!