Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Boyfriend parents question
My boyfriend closed on his house last week. Since then, at least one of his parents has been over or he has had to go to their house for some reason. Do I have a right to be annoyed or is this something I should have expected because their only son and youngest moved out? I already am not a fan of his parents. I am ready for our time, not time with him and his parents.
Re: Boyfriend parents question
I'm unclear as to whether you live with him or not?
It's up to your BF if he is going to spend time with his parents. Why are you frustrated with THEM instead of being frustrated with HIM?
I understand why you are frustrated. You just want to spend time with your BF, and you feel like his parents are always around. I get it, I know how frustrating that can be. The parents are probably just having a hard time with not having any kids around the house. The question if, how does your boyfriend feel about this? Tell him your issue, and see if he agrees. He will eventually have to set some boundaries with his parents. I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like your man's parents are overly involved in his life. My FI's parents are like that, so I told him that I was getting annoyed that they were constantly interrupting our date nights,, and he agreed so he dealt with it. I guess you have to have this same conversation with your BF. Just let him deal with it on his time.
Good luck hun... I hope this helps a little!
1. How old are you both?
2. Your BF is making it a priority to see his parents nightly. If that is an issue for you, move forward with caution. That habit doesn't change easily.
3. I think you're overreacting, but really need more details to decide for sure. Did he just move out of his parents house? Are you going to live with him in this house? How often did you see each other before he closed on the house?
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Yes, I'd like to know the answers to a few questions too. Did he live w/ them before he moved? Do you live with him? How old are you?
I'm going to answer, though, based on my assumptions - he did live w/ them, you don't officially live w/ him, and you are both young.
He just moved a WEEK ago. Moving, settleing into a new home, etc, - it's a lot and there is a lot you can use help with, there is a lot you forget you need, etc.
I can see it being absolutely feasible that there is stuff he needs help to get the house set up that he doesn't have but his parents do. And if he really did just move out of their home - he's even less prepared for everything he'll need. I've lived in a ton of apartments and houses over the years and while we have a good idea of what to expect, there is still always "something" you aren't prepared for.
Also, if he did just move out of their house, sure, I can see that there is going to be a period of adjustment where they all get used to not being around one another all the time. I don't think it's totally insane to want to see one another every day when they are used to it.
BUT, I would expect that given a little more time, and once he's more settled into the house, I would HOPE the daily visits would lighten up.
Also, with these visits, are they really impeding on your time w/ him? Are these visits all night long? Or do you have some time alone w/ him but you're being pissy that you dont' get him the entire night?
The fact that you aren't a fan of his parents makes me feel that you are going to be looking for stuff to be annoyed by. Be careful with this. It can be a slippery slope. You find fault in everything they do- your BF will get tired of it and he'll stop hearing you. So when they really do something that warrants a talk w/ your BF, he won't care anymore because he'll feel like his parents can never do anything right by you.
So.... be careful.
And past all this - if a few weeks from now, or even a couple months from now - if he still sees his parents every day and if they are still spending a ton of time together, then it might actually be time for you to decide if he is really the right guy for you. He could be attached to them in a way that isn't healthy. Who knows. And then you can make the choice to stick around and be annoyed by it, or you can move on and find a guy who isn't overly attached to hsi parents.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Buying a house is a big deal, moving is also a big deal. He probably forgot a few items at home. His parents probably wanted to see the house/help set it up.
If this goes on for more than a week or two, then there might be some problems with new boundaries...