Sex & Romance
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Extreme insecurity, please help!!!
I used to be very comfortable with my body and had no problem with my husband (boyfriend at the time) looking at porn. That is, until when we were being "intimate" while watching one and he wasn't in to it and was staring at the TV, and then when a lesbian scene came on, he pushed me off of him and got himself off without my help or even looking at me. ever since i've cried about how i look even though i've had guys ask me out and comment on how attractive they think i am rather often, and my husband says he finds me attractive, but i just dont believe him anymore. He also supposedly had gotten rid of all the porn on a few occassions in the past (i almost broke up with him over it while we were dating a few times because i felt so insecure when intimate with him and he kept the porn), and then for at least a year or 2 we were fine, no problems, and then he stopped having the drive again. we'd gotten engaged right before he lost his drive and we dont have much money, so i figued it was financial stress. well, we got married, and then he still didnt have the drive, blaming on his change from 2nd to 3rd shift. a few months into the marriage i found the entire porn collection from the very beginning, including (right on top) the DVD that made me feel so insecure in the first place and he supposedly got rid of years ago. Now i can't even get intimate or think intimate (even without my husband) without feeling insecure and crying. What's wrong with me? What can I do to fix this? PLEASE help
Re: Extreme insecurity, please help!!!
Wow, how selfish and immature of him.
I agfree: your problem is not porn: it's a douchey H.Your problem is also a guy who has lied to you. He's got a dire lack of character and a dire lack of maturity.
Trust you had for him is gone; he's also managed to make you feel unattractive and insecure. NOT cool at all.
What has he got to say to you about all of this? Have you spoken to him and told him how terrible you feel and what a first class ass he is?
This.
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Agreed that the problem is not porn, it is your husband.
It is going to take both of you to fix this. He has already lied to you in the past about it, he either does not realize how much this hurt you -- note here that you have to be absolutely clear with your husband about how you feel, spell it out for him or he won't understand - or, worst case, he just doesn't care how it makes you feel.
If it's simply because he didn't realize how much it hurt you then it may be a situation that could be fixed, most likely with counseling.
If it's because he does not care then I'm sorry, but it would be best to get out of this damaging relationship.
Just a side note- I'm pretty sure that if it were me that was pushed off during sex so he could finish solo watching porn, I would have ended things right then and there.
This. And if DH pushed me off of him while we were having sex to look at porn, I'd be out the door. What an assshole thing to do!
Yes!! ITA.
I am so sorry for all the crap you are going through. I honestly think that counseling or therapy would be the best option. Yeah it's awkward and not the funnest thing in the world, but it helps and can get you to a better place and outlook on basically everything.
I really hope you can get everything worked out bc everyone deserves to be treated like a princess
Make your own porn to watch. Set up the video camera and record a few sessions together. Script out a few scenes and stick to the script. Make them as hot and sexy as you can think of. Have him write a script and you do the same. Then, over a weekend, do both of them. If you have a gf that you have sex with on the side or with him, record your sex with her and slip it onto the DVD. If he likes lesbian porn, and most guys do, give him something to watch.
The next time he wants to watch a certain scene, give him a blow job while he watches and encourage him to *** in your mouth.
There is nothing wrong with you. Just guessing, but you may have a lack of confidence. The next time you have sex, be assertive and confident. If you feel like you are not doing something correctly or to his liking, ask him how he wants you to do it. Be open and honest when you ask him and tell him that you feel that he isn't enjoying sex like he used to.
Look at that just slipped in there, like it's what most couples do!
His stash is actually okay. Every guy watches porn. But what's NOT okay is he pushed you off and jacked off without even looking at u. He should realize you are his girlfriend(at that time) and you are way better than porn. Seriously what guy would skip real sex and choose porn????
And the fact that he have a stash is normal. I have a feeling of your insecurity are NOT coming from his stash. Its coming from him. you do watches porn with him in the past, right? SO that means you are okay with him watching porn. The problem is he chooses porn OVER YOU. You should dump him on the spot when you are still his girlfriend.
Dumping a guy who watches porn is unreasonable, but dumping a guy who chose porn over you is.
And you probably shouldn't break up with him over his stash in the past... he'll always watches them, you cannot stop them from doing so.Your insecurity happened when he pushed you off.Not because of porn. It's because of HIM.
what you should do is break up with him when he pushed you off of him.
Here's a idea(maybe bad but since you are dumping him it may not be so bad), don't get rid of his porn, have a stash and pleasure yourself with it, and while you two are getting it on watches it and be more interested in the porn than him,(eyes wont leave the screen) and then when a hot guy came on push him off and use a vibrator to finish yourself off. See how HE feels.
If he's unhappy tell him that's exactly what you feel when he pushed you off of him.
You should break up with this guy a loooong time ago.