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WDYT - 2 birthday parties
So this weekend we went back down to Slidell for my niece's 1st birthday party take two. This would be b/c my divorced parents DO NOT get along and my Dad basically refused to go to the party that my mom was going to be at so he threw his own with his side of the family.
I'm so used to their childishness that it didn't even surprise me but H had a very strong "our kid is not having 2 birthday parties" reaction. He seems to think it will confuse the kiddo and just encourage my parent's behavior. While I think it's a PITA to do the whole thing twice I really don't think it's that big of a deal (plus it's twice as much birthday cake!) but since H's parents are still married his view is a little different.
I'm all for trying to make Dad put his big boy panties on but I know him well enough and where my mom is concerned he isn't going to budge. Obviously, we have a while to figure this out given that the baby isn't even born yet but WTYT?
Re: WDYT - 2 birthday parties
For background: my parents are still married.
I see both of your POV's. I agree with YH. You throw a bday party for LO, invite all, and if they are too childish to miss the party, their loss - not yours. You still have the special day and your child gets a great bday.
This is legal advice. Circa 2011
I have to say that I agree with this. Two parties would be a lot of trouble, and I think this is the best way to go about it, IMO. :-
The Nifty Foodie
Life/Craft Blog
I generally agree with this as well. And my gut reaction agrees with MrSpell.
HOWEVER...it is easier said than done. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that MrsSpell would be heartbroken if her dad didn't celebrate BabySpell's birthday b/c she's trying to prove a point. Plus is it really worth creating WWIII over? Probably not.
I think it's something only you can really answer. Maybe when the time does get closer, have a heart-to-heart with dad and/or mom (separately) if you think it would help things. I would not throw 2 bashes but if you have to do a "take two" at your dad's house a week later...not the worst that will ever happen, you know.
we are in the same boat as you. we do one party (as well as christmas, easter, thanksgiving, etc) where everyone is invited, and they come to us. we don't do the schlepping-baby-paraphernalia-around-for-twelve-hours-to-visit-everyone thing.
i had to be a harda$$ about it because i saw how it affected my sister when my niece was born. my dad made her feel guilty because she never brought R to see him, when there was an open invitation for visitation from my mom (where my sister was living). he was jealous and would make no effort on his own to see R, and now he realizes how rediculous it was because he's missed out on so much.
and fwiw, we had so many people at the twins' bday party (and holidays) that it wasn't that big of a deal. mom socialized with her sisters, dad socialized with dh's side of the family, they kept their distance, no uncomfortableness, and all went well.
miscarriage/chemical pregnancy 3.19.11 @ 4w5d
We do two birthday parties, but not because of feuds. For E's first birthday, we did one down south and one up here. It WAS a hassle, so last year for her 2nd bday, I said we're just doing one up here and whoever can come, great. If they can't, I totally understand. Well, then aunts and cousins started mailing gifts with notes saying how they really wanted to come but couldn't so they sent gifts. Which made me feel bad.
So yeah, this year we're going back to the 2 parties route. Neither party will be huge though. For the one up here, it'll be the evening of her actual birthday, which is on a weekday. We'll probably just get a few pizzas from Little Ceasars. For the one down south, it'll be pretty much just family and maybe a couple of friends. My dad will probably cook jambalaya or something.
Anyway, choose your battles. If it's important for all of your family to be there, just do the two parties. You already have all the decorations, and you get more use out of them. But they'll have to learn to get along.....there's only one high school graduation, wedding, etc.
This crossed my mind too.
I wish I could do this but Dad's longtime girlfriend really can't come to our house for any long period of time. She has serious pet allergies and even one dog hair sends her running for a breathing treatment b/c her throat closes up. No matter how hard I clean with our two fur babies there is always enough trace of them to start her swelling.
Just so we're clear I would not throw 2 parties. Dad's party was very small and he planned/paid for the whole thing (food, decorations, cake). All my sister had to do was show up with the birthday girl. Dad will at least suck it up for the major "only one" events. The only time I can remember my parents being in the same room for the last 17 years was for our graduations, weddings, and when my niece was born. Kinda crazy.
I'm still not excatly sure how we'll work it out but a lot can happen in a year. I'm really not willing to create WWIII over a birthday party but I'm hoping that there is a compromise to be had there. If not I maintain that there are worse things than having 2 parties.
You are wise.
Just to play devil's advocate for a moment...what would have happened if you hadn't been able to attend the second party? Without any reason other than, we already went to one party, it's my day off and I want to just hang out at home with my H.
What's wrong with having more than one party if you are not planning/cleaning/buying anything for the others? It may be a good thing because it helps keep the number of people at the 'main' party down. Too much can be pretty overwhelming for little ones.
We had 3 this year (4 if you count the one at school). One was very small and given by a couple of people who weren't in town during her real party. The other was given by someone who wanted to invite some extended family and friends that aren't really close, but still wanted to celebrate with her.
I guess if people were trying to compete and outdo each other, I might not have been as open to the whole thing. But everyone wanting to make their own memories with the birthday girl seems rather sweet to me.