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really bummed out
I never notice if any of us ever admit in a posting that her marriage is in a rough spot. (who wants to admit it, right?)
Ever since the baby arrived we've been handling stress so badly, lashing out at each other and being nasty instead of being normal. It's getting so tiresome. I know that I've really neglected being a wife --can't keep the house remotely clean, can't put away the laundry, not really in the mood whatsoever to be DH's "girlfriend" again, etc-- while trying to be a mom, and that has added a lot of conflict between us. And then he just keeps getting bent out of shape over stuff that isn't worth an arguement --like a week after taking a certain antibiotic for mastitis, our ped said I should have been taking another if I was going to keep bf-ing, and he got mad I hadn't been more aggressive following up on that sooner, the baby might have been poisoned, etc. There was the thing with the baby "boy" announcements, and then last night he snapped at my mom in a particularly nasty fashion re: holding the baby, and made her cry.
((My sister called right after that scene and was like you'd better call and check to see if mom is alive in the morning, b/c your husband is an a-hole and she's just had it (no subtlety in my family, oh nooo. Now it's dramatic threats "maybe life would be so much easier for you if I wasn't in it" stuff.) I'm seething all night long at him (he wasn't wrong to tell my mom that when Blair yells a certain way it's time to change people holding her, but the way he delivered it was really nasty, followed by "that's a lesson you need to learn, Barbara") and I'm ready to be mad at him until my hair turns gray, and he just calls and says he sent her flowers to apologize.))
sigh.
I just wonder if it has been the life-turned-upside-down stress of the baby being here that has exacerbated every little annoyance into WW3...I just sit around being bitter and mean after fights, plus I hate to sit here picking apart our 12-year relationship looking for cracks. One of my friends said that you don't stop wanting to kill your spouse until the baby is at least 6 months old, but that sure seems like a long time to wait to see if things smooth over again.
thanks for letting me vent. again, it"s hard to want to share like this because I think all of us would like to maintain the image of a perpetually happy relationship rather than post otherwise...oh well.
Re: really bummed out
My advice:
1. Take a night off and spend some time together without Blair (ie. get a hotel room somewhere close and have a nice dinner).
or
2. Come out drinking with me.
Even without the stress of a little one DH and I went through a crap time last month, where I swear I was one car drive away from the atty office to file. Everything I said seemed to hurt his feelings and I finally told him that he needed to grow a pair.
It was awesome that he sent your mom flowers to apologize - it shows that he is making an effort and admitting that he screwed up.
I'm really sorry. I too think that a night alone for the both of you is definitely in order. You need to reconnect as a couple instead of as Mommy and Daddy.
Nice of him to send her flowers. Hopefully that will smooth things over a bit. Hugs to you.
Like the PP.... I would also suggest Wine... by the box. ahahahahaha kidding
I am sorry you are going through this...
A baby exacerbates everything!!! ?DH and i have had our problems too. ?Our major problem was back in '05 right before I got pg with Jacob. ?
He still to this day makes little comments here and there that insinuate that I can not do the motherly duties, so that is a very hot topic. ?My issue with him is not what he says but how he says it.
Please vent away. ?I am sure we have all been there.?
I feel ya girl. Since the baby has been born I have not done anything around this house and I feel bad b/c every waking hour is devoted to the baby. My poor Dh has to take back seat.
To complicate things Dh started his new job they day DS was born. Because he's in higher position he 's always working. It takes a toll on our relationship in addition to the baby. I know it will get better, but I just have to have the energy to work on it. It's so hard though.
I really hope things get better between you guys. I wish I had some advice. All of pp's suggestions sound good. I might try the same things. Take care and know you are not alone!
whew! sigh of relief knowing I'm not alone on craptastic-marriage-island!
Thanks Mia and everyone for the suggestion of date night; I'm sure that would be a welcome thing, and perhaps we can extend the olive branch back out to my mom by asking her to babysit (oi, that's a whole other posting!) I'm sure it will take a little time for us to reconnect as partners and not as two different people occupying the same house and getting resentful over dustbunnies and dirty socks!
Honey - you are definitely not alone.
Its almost a year now since Celeste was born and things are starting to get a little smoother-still some rough edges but its all normal.
If I may also suggest that in addition to spending time together you might also add to the list Me time. Time for yourself to do what you want by yourself. In all the ups and downs sometimes we loose connection with ourself too. I know I do and I have to remind my self who I am in addition to mom and wife and housekeeper etc. With us mothers concentrating on taking care of everyone else we tend to put ourselves in the back burner too.
You are always welcome to vent here...the ladies have all been very supporitve and helpful....girls night out to vent sounds like a great idea too.