"The couple is not registered"

DoIreallyWantToChangeMyName

This was written at the bottom of a wedding shower invite I just received. I'm not loving it. Should I lighten up? Thoughts?

**The backstory is that the bride's mom told my mom that they were looking for a "tactful" way to let people know they only want cash for both the shower and the wedding.

DCtoLowcountry

I'm stumped. There is no tactful way to ask for cash, I believe, but perhaps other ladies can weigh in with options. Is it "greener" not to register?

If it was me,  I'd ask the bride for her preferred charities to make a donation in honor of the couple.

maryandkirk0909

I hate things like that.  I'd buy something custom for them on Etsy.  If you know what their home is decorated like, I'd try to coordinate a gift with that, but if not, I'd probably go the custom wine bottle, etc. route.  Or buy something you use all the time that you don't think they have.

cmh06

I'm going to a wedding this summer where the bride and groom aren't registered and she also doesn't want a shower.  We just may get them a gift card to Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  You can always find something new you can use in there.

 

jenn248

Maybe I'm just oblivious, but it wouldn't have automatically occurred to me that this was a request for cash.  I've heard of people coming right out and saying that they prefer cash instead of gifts, so at least this is more tactful!  I am not a huge fan of giving cash as a gift (not that I didn't mind receiving it...), so I would probably just give a gift card as well. 

babygirlpriest

Because I'm bitter and pissy right now, I'd do one of the following:

1. Gift to the charity of their choice (or of your choice... or of one you know they don't approve of).
2. Something personalized (NOT returnable).
3. A lovely card.
4. Do you have a small child (or dog) that could draw them a picture?

To me this is actually worse than straight saying "CASH ONLY" because it's trying (and failing) to hide the money push. I know I'm kinda old school like that but the only thing that bugs me more than basically asking people to pay to attend your wedding is this hinting around thing. Just straight admit you're all about the moo-lah.

Sorry. Man, I am cranky today.

living_insanity

A frame maybe that has the couples name and wedding date for a future wedding photo?

 

Home Depot gift card.  Wish we had one when we bought our house  

 

I rarely stuff a wedding card full of cash.  I would do some sort of gift card.

Temp790631812507809

I'm really old-school, so I don't think there should be any mention of the registry on an invitation. I think the info should just be conveyed by word-of-mouth - i.e. when  you call to RSVP,  you ask the hostess where they are registered.

I do give it a pass when it's on a shower invitation, because it's not like the bride is the one that sent them, so she's not asking right-out for gifts. 

I don't think it's appropriate to ask for cash. Though, like pp said, I hate to give it, but I do love to get it! 

If I was feeling snarky, I'd get something personalized that can't be returned. If it was a really close friend, I'd probably suck it up and give cash. For a happy medium between those two, I'd give a gift card somewhere universal like BB&B or Target.

And, if it's not a close friend, I probably wouldn't give a gift for the wedding - as Miss Manners says, a wedding invitation is not a request for a gift. A lovely card is plenty.

MrsPhilDunphy

I think this might bite them in the a$$. When I first read it, I assumed it meant that they didn't want gifts at all.

victoria1212

Personally, I don't like any reference to registries on invites. People are smart enough to use the googles to figure out where someone is registered or not.

However, this is just plain tacky. But, I would probably still get them a gift and it would most likely be a gift card because it would be easy and since they seem to have no interest in normal wedding stuff, it would be appropriate. 

Ugh.

alliapistor

That language screamed - we want cash to me.  But I can see how it may not appear that way to some people (especially older people).  Regardless, it is tacky IMO. 

Since they are not registered, I would get them whatever you want.  A friend of ours gives nice serving dishes with some family recipes on cute little cards and kitchen tools to make the recipe.  I think something like that would be great for this type of situation.

I think this would be especially awkward at a shower.  I'd love to see the hodge podge of gifts they get.

cep1976

MrsPhilDunphy:

I think this might bite them in the a$$. When I first read it, I assumed it meant that they didn't want gifts at all.

Yeah, this. But I would be hella confused why they were having a shower if they weren't registered anywhere.

tomandcourt

MrsPhilDunphy:

I think this might bite them in the a$$. When I first read it, I assumed it meant that they didn't want gifts at all.

Ditto. I was assuming this was one of those "we have everything we need couples." In which case, I would get them some nice wine or maybe a gift card to a restaurant they like.

tomandcourt

cep1976:

MrsPhilDunphy:

I think this might bite them in the a$$. When I first read it, I assumed it meant that they didn't want gifts at all.

Yeah, this. But I would be hella confused why they were having a shower if they weren't registered anywhere.

Even better point! It's not really a shower if there are no gifts, right? Why not just call it a . . . bridal reception . . . or something? Unless she wants to open up a bunch of gift cards and cash in front of friends and family.

Temp536318000001135

Yea it wouldn't have clicked to me at first that they wanted cash. I would have thought they didn't really need anything.

I don't have a problem giving money as a wedding present, especially since almost all the weddings we go to, we travel for, so I'd rather just slip a card with some cash or a check in my purse. I usually include a note like, "One night of dinner on your honeymoon is on us" or something like that.

Now for a shower, I would never ever give cash or a gift card. Plus I would find it really tacky for a bride to open a bunch of cards with just cash/gift cards at a shower. Isn't the point of the shower to "ooo" and "ahhh" over towels, sheets, and kitchenware??

VAJuneBride07

MrsPhilDunphy:

I think this might bite them in the a$$. When I first read it, I assumed it meant that they didn't want gifts at all.

Yep.  Me too.  The reason the mom struggled is because there is no tactful way to ask.  And what's the point of a cash shower?  Is the bride going to open each card and announce how much money each person gave.  If you really only want cash, then you skip the shower.

smacb

I'd do cash, gift card or something neutral from somewhere like Crate and Barrel.  Ugh.  I know people prefer cash, but that seems like a dumb way to handle it

tracy042206

MrsPhilDunphy:

I think this might bite them in the a$$. When I first read it, I assumed it meant that they didn't want gifts at all.

 

Ditto this exactly.  Without the extra info from your mom I would assume it meant they have everything they needed.  I generally give cash anyway for the wedding but for a shower it is always a gift off the registry unless I know the bride really well and have something else I know she'll love.

Sofka

I love to give and receive cash so I'd just give a cash gift for the wedding, much less work for you, don't have to go to the store or anything!

 

bh2720

DoIreallyWantToChangeMyName:

**The backstory is that the bride's mom told my mom that they were looking for a "tactful" way to let people know they only want cash for both the shower and the wedding.

ha! when will people learn that there is no tactful way to do this?! 

I think it's trashy...just because you are getting married, it doesn't mean you get to order your guests to make it rain.

 

pixieprincss

Their intent makes it tacky IMO. Now, had they said it because they live simply and consumerism is in violation of the principles they live by and no gifts--cash or otherwise-- was the desire of their hearts from that standpoint, I could get behind it then.