Family Matters
adriannaryan
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
in laws splitting up
ok here is a backstory....my inlaws haven't worked on there relationship for the last 10+ years. When I met them they didnt seem like husband and wife. They didnt sleep in the same room, they dont kiss, they dont communicate, and they dont go anywhere together. (im not sure what happened in the past to make it this way)
So finally they decided they are splitting up and the only reason is because my MIL wants to start a daycare and he has a record so he can't live there.
So i texted my dh and was like did you know your dad is moving out? and his response was yeah ive know for a week.
i feel really hurt he didnt tell me. I had to hear it a week later from my SIL
Re: in laws splitting up
He's probably been trying to process it himself, these are his parents. I'm sure it seems like with their relationship history it shouldn't be that big of a surprise, but things like this don't really sink in until they actually happen.
Give him some time, and enforce the idea that you are there if he needs you. But don't make him feel even worse because he couldn't figure out how to tell you right away.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would talk to your dh about your feelings. There may be a number of reasons he didn't talk about it with you, but "not sharing important news of our lives" sounds like something your ILS did. Tell him you feel like he learned a bad habit from his parents, and you don't think it is normal or healthy to keep things like that inside.
Now, he may turn around and say "their marriage has been over for more than 10 years, this really isn't news..." in which case you know where he is coming from. Or he may tell you that he couldn't tell you without crying, even though it seems stupid since their marriage has been over.
This.
What if he didn't know? He would have found out that his parents are officially divorcing over a text from his wife?
This seems even more odd then him not telling you (as pp suggested - he's been dealing with this for a long time).
Yeah, I find it kind of ironic that you talk about his parents' communication problems. Why don't you ask him in person why he didn't tell you about the split and find out what he's feeling about it?
I see your point, but it's a week later!
It isn't someone it is her husband and it as a week later.
But I'm also weirded out that she texted him this information! This sounds like a great communicating couple!
And did you think about how your DH would have reacted to finding out from his wife via a text before you texted him? I'm thinking you've got more than just a communication issue with your DH, you've got a putting the feelings of others before yours issue with you.
I'd probably be hurt too, but i'm sure there's a good reason. It's best not to make this about you (i.e. "Why didn't you tell ME about your parents splitting up?"). Yes, it hurts that he didn't tell you right away, but I imagine he's wrestling with lots of different emotions. Maybe he didn't figure out the right way to tell you yet, or MAYBE he was sort of hoping that they would change their minds after sleeping on it for a few nights.
I just think you shouldn't focus too much on your hurt feelings in this one situation. He has enough to think about right now. And that would just add to the sucky feelings he's dealing with. If anything, show your DH that you are there for him in a supportive way, and perhaps next time he'll think to tell you sooner.