Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Virgin Bride
I am getting married on June 25th. I am a virgin and my first time will be our weddnig night. I just wanted to hear some of your first time experiances and what to expect. Maybe even hear some embarrassing stories so I'll know some crazy things that could possibly happen. I'm just a girl in need of some random information about what to expect. Thanks!
Re: Virgin Bride
This topic gets covered fairly frequently, but here are some of my highlights:
1.) It won't be like sex in the movies. Even porn movies.
2.) Unless you use a condom, if he ejaculates inside of you, it is going to come back out - and dribble down your leg as you dash to the bathroom. Keep some washcloths by the bed to absorb the fluid for some additional piece of mind.
3.) Get a hand mirror and look at your genitals. Look up an anatomical drawing of female genitalia and figure out where your clitoris, labia (majora and minora) and vaginal opening are. Note that they are separated a bit. Note that your husband will have to put some effort into stimulating both - just banging away at your vagina probably won't bring you to rapturous orgasms.
4.) NO ONE IS BORN GREAT AT SEX. Everyone has to work on it. So work on it. Read books, try new things out, never reject something new in bed unless you have tried it three times.
5.) If you haven't masturbated to orgasm, now is the time to do so. How can your husband please you when you don't know yourself.
6.) Sex can be lots of different things over the course of a marriage. It won't always be hanging from the chandelier hot, or romance novel sweet. Sometimes it will be quick and dirty, sometimes it will be goofy and funny and sometimes you will do it just to feel connected to him again.
My husband & I were both virgins when we got married last October, and our first time was an experience I wouldn't trade for the world! Not that it was all earthshaking fireworks or anything, but just a sweet and memorable time for us.There are a couple things that I would definitely recommend in preparation for your first time.
First, make sure you get a good, informative book, read it, and discuss it with your fiance. Talking about sex not only increases your anticipation, but also breaks the ice and makes it less awkward. It also gives you a chance to talk about your expectations for the whole evening. My DH was so sweet with me, we just cuddled and kissed in front of the fireplace for awhile, until he asked if I wanted to head to the bedroom. Of course, by the time I was ready for him to go in, the poor guy had lost the erection he'd had for the last few hours! (DH would probably kill me for writing that, but you asked for embarrassing experiences) We took a long time just relaxing, talking, and building back up to it, and, after a few attempts, we finally got the connection. Like I said, no fireworks, but at least we'd done it, and had a fun time. (and luckily, I didn't bleed or have any pain) After a couple weeks, I was consistently getting an "O," sometimes even simultaneously with him, and we've enjoyed getting better at it ever since.
I would also strongly encourage you to keep a good sense of humor. Sex is messy and kind of funny when you really think about it. Keeping a light heart about it will help immensely in relaxing, becoming uninhibited,and enjoying your time together.
Sorry for being long-winded, but I hope this is of me help, and congratulations on your marriage!
The first time my FI and i tried to have sex, it didnt "work," meaning simply that he did not penetrate me. I was a virgin (he wasn't) and he was hurting me too much and he couldn't enter me because I was resisting too much. I don't remember exactly how many times we attempted to have sex before it worked, but i do remember whenever we did manage to have sex, it hurt me alot (i guess i have a very low pain threshhold) and that time and a few times after that there was alot of blood, so don't freak out if that happens to you unless it continues after you have had sex several times. After FI and I started sleeping together, we decided to take a road trip, and we had sex in the hotel that night, and I bled a little bit on the WHITE sheets. I was so embarrassed and paranoid that the housekeepers would see the blood and know that we had sex.. Haha. That is a story we will always remember.
Also,I agree with PP's, don't be disappointed if it doesn't live up to your expectations on the first night. By all means, I hope it is wonderful and it probably will be, but I wouldn't expect to have an orgasm or anything. It takes awhile to get it just right. My FI and I have been together for a year and a few months, and I just recently started to be able to orgasm! Not that the sex isn't good without the big O, it can still feel great without one. So just relax, take it slow, and have FUN! If things don't go as planned, don't sweat it and don't be afraid to laugh about it. Congrats! I wish you the best of luck!!
PS. Sorry for the TMI...
We just got married June 5, 2010 and I was a virgin as well. I will tell you in doesn't feel great but is amazing otherwise. It really bonds you more. Also, by the time the wedding was done we were both exhausted so there wasn't pressure. It is so intimate and exciting!
Congrats on waiting and getting married! Don't worry about the sex because when you are with the person you love that is what makes it amazing.
6.) Sex can be lots of different things over the course of a marriage. It won't always be hanging from the chandelier hot, or romance novel sweet. Sometimes it will be quick and dirty, sometimes it will be goofy and funny and sometimes you will do it just to feel connected to him again.
^^^^
Perfectly explained. I love this.
September 25, 2011, Mommy lost her little angel. Mommy will always love you, and will forever hold that special place in my heart!
At 35W2D, my little angel made her appearance. I never knew what love was until I met you. 12/4/12
September 25, 2011, Mommy lost her little angel. Mommy will always love you, and will forever hold that special place in my heart!
At 35W2D, my little angel made her appearance. I never knew what love was until I met you. 12/4/12
I was a virgin and the first time hurt. A lot. But I was ready for it, DH was understanding, and we knew that good sex was something that we would have to work towards, not something that will happen instantly.
You might have absolutely no interest in having sex on your wedding night. The day is completely exhausting, physically and emotionally. After getting up at the crack of dawn to have your hair done, worrying about the last-minute details, posing for a million pictures, dancing, drinking, and trying to be a good hostess to 100+ people, you'll be exhausted. On our wedding night, DH was reeeeally wanted to have sex, and I had a million thoughts running through my head ("Did everyone have a good time?" "Why didn't Aunt Susie show up?" "I hope my hair didn't get messed up before my pictures") and sex was the LAST thing I wanted. He felt a little dejected, but waiting till the next day when we had arrived at our honeymoon destination was such a good thing for me. I was so much more relaxed and ready for it. Don't feel like you HAVE to have sex on your wedding night if it's not the right time... talk to your fiance about the possibility of waiting until the moment is right and you are both relaxed and ready for it.
LUBE!! just a little, it goes a long way. Don't be surprise if there's blood, DH is still apologizing for that! Be open and honest w/each other. don't be scared off if its not amazing, it'll get better... I promise.
congrats!
We had trouble getting it in, and once we did, it didn't hurt, but we couldn't figure out how to move. We were both shocked by how non-instinctive it was. If we hadn't read or seen or heard anything about it beforehand, we probably wouldn't ever have figured out what goes where. It was THAT noninstinctive.
ed: I wouldn't say it was a bad time, despite all of this. Hell, it gave us a good laugh.
As an aside, a definitive non-congratulations from me for waiting.
This is an awesome way to get your marriage off on the wrong foot.
Don't reject your husband on your freaking wedding night.
Have sex for the first time ever, even if you don't want to? Like that's a good way to start things off?
Also, ditto Kuus's last line.
My Lunch Blog
My H and I just got married Dec 11, 2010 and I was a virgin and my H was not. My H and I dated for 6 years before we were married and decided from the beginning that we would wait until our wedding night. It was wonderful...not the best sex in the world but it was so special since we had waited to share our selves with each other for so many years. I was lucky and did not bleed, had no pain, and didn't need lube. I think thats because I was relaxed knowing that my first time was with the man I loved and I was excited to share this with him. I was not nervous at all which surprises me even now. Just know sex gets better with practice. You learn something new everytime...what feels better for you..for him. Just laugh. We laughed on our first night because there was a snow storm and our cell phones kept going off with the weather warnings. Our room was two story and the bed was on the loft and the phones were on the main level...so we just left them go off. Something we will always remember and laugh about. Watch out for the charlie horses...they are a killer sometimes.
Congrats on waiting and congrats on your upcoming marriage.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Well, if you don't want to have sex when you finally feel like you're "allowed to", then there's probably a bigger problem than being tired or whatever.
Or she could be really nervous about it and that combined with having a stressful/exhausting day probably made her more nervous to the point of not feeling quite ready for it. Just because you have a ring on your finger and are 'allowed' to doesn't mean you'll be ready. But then again...you must know everything up on that high horse of yours??
It just seems terribly selfish to tell your new husband that you aren't ready when he really wants to. If you aren't ready for sex, don't get married.
This is why I think discussing the whole night beforehand makes it so much easier. If a bride knows her physical limits, and believes she will be utterly exhausted on the wedding night, she should let her groom know. The poor guy probably thinks she'll be just a rarin' to go as he is, and if she doesn't communicate, I can see how he could feel very rejected on their first opportunity for intimacy. If she has even slight doubts about her readiness on the wedding night, she should explain this so he can plan accordingly. They could spend the evening just getting comfortable with each other, cuddling and being affectionate, and then try to get a few good hours of sleep, with the understanding that real sex is the first order of the morning. Daytime sex makes it easier to be aware of what you're doing, too, rather than fumbling around in the dark.
Anyway, I guess the nutshell I'm trying to present here is to communicate with your groom! After all, he's going to be your husband, and making sure you understand each other is crucial to sex and everything else.
People have given you a lot of great advice already, but I thought I'd chime in with my experience. We were married June 19, 2010, so I was actually asking this same question here about a year ago. DH and I were both virgins on our wedding night, and we were both really nervous.
We didn't jump straight into anything, we were both recovering from the most stressful day of our lives. You will both probably still be reeling from everything, so don't feel bad about taking some time just cool down. We both changed into normal pajamas (I had my fancy stuff on underneath) and snuggled and talked about the day until we felt more ready. That helped the nervousness a lot, I really suggest giving yourselves a little time to recover.
Probably most important, take it slow. I know, it's super exciting finally being able to have sex, but that doesn't mean you have to jump right in. Take your time, lots of foreplay, if let your body get ready it's likely to hurt a lot less. Really focus on relaxing, just mentally work soften all of your muscles, that has helped me a lot. Lube is definitely your friend. It may hurt, so make sure you guys really discuss everything before the big day and make sure you're on the same page.
It may not be what you expect. Like everyone else has said, no one is born great at sex, but if it isn't up to your expectations the first time don't let it get you down. After our first time we were both kind of confused, it wasn't what we thought it would be at all, but it's been all uphill from there. Look at it as a great learning and bonding experience, an adventure.
Congratulations to you both!
My DH and I got married on June 26, 2010. We were both virgins. We talked about sex before the wedding and we talked about the wedding night, we decided that we would not have sex the wedding night and that we would not rush having sex. I mean we had waited this long (I was 25, and he was 33) we wanted it to be right. So on wedding night we just held each other and just tried to sleep in the same bed(also new for us) The next morning we took a shower together and just touched each other, getting to know the other person. We did not have sex until three days after we were married. But I would not have rushed it for the world. In those three days my DH showed me just have much he loved me that he did not want to do anything until I was ready. But he was also nervous, in fact he brought along a sex book on the honeymoon!! It was so nice because we would sit there and read it and the go "Oh, that how that works!!"
The biggest thing I would tell you is talk to each other, laugh about it, have fun. If you know were each of you stand you won't have any misunderstandings. It is inporant to feel free to say "that hurts!!" or "I like that".
Sorry about being long winded!
oh my
Wow, that must have been hard, but totally worth it! Old-fashioned is good, oftentimes.