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Anyone's DH refuse to see your way on something?

This is mostly a vent I guess, I just have to get this out.  Has anyone here had luck reigning in their DHs when they want to do something green or food-related that you don't want to do?  My DH is really awesome at being green.  He happily recycles, turns off lights, conserves water, preserves food, etc..  However, we live in a townhouse, and there are some things he really wants to do that I either (A) don't think we have the space for, or (B) am just not interested in doing in a townhouse.

He currently really, REALLY wants to start raising rabbits for meat.  Just a head's up, I'm really not interested in a bunch of responses of "OMG how could you eat rabbits, they're so CUTE!"  That's not the point of my post, and I'm just going to ignore any responses like that.  Just being honest.  Anyway, DH isn't used to me saying "no" about green/food projects, I pretty much always say yes, as does he when I have an idea.  I've given him the reasons why I don't want to raise meat rabbits.  I don't want a rabbit hutch taking up space in our tiny backyard.  I don't want another animal we have to arrange care for when we go out of town (we have a cat and dog).  I don't want to butcher rabbits in our tiny kitchen.  What would we do with the carcasses?  Throw them in the trash?!?!  

The point is, DH will not let this go and we keep arguing about it.  I do NOT want to do this, and it's really starting to hurt my feelings that he doesn't respect that.  He says I'm "being unreasonable and won't give the idea serious consideration."  I have, and I don't want to do it.  I'm not sure what to do now. Tongue Tied

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Re: Anyone's DH refuse to see your way on something?

  • What is he looking for to be confident that you are seriously considering it?  When i ask dh to consider something he generally returns immediately with a no.  That is infuriating, because it is clear that he didn't seriously consider it.  My solution is to tell him the idea and that i don't want him to answer now.  Even if his answer is the same, knowing he's taking more time (even if he isn't using that time to think it over) helps me, and i think it really doesn't "force" him to (subconsciously, at least) give it more consideration.

    That's not to say you aren't considering it, just that it's a solution that works in our relationship in similar scenarios.

    What if you make pro-con lists together, as well as a project plan (steps, supplies, upfront and ongoing budget, what you'll do with all those extra bunnies, will you need two hutches to separate males and females, what to do with waste, will you need permits -- HOA or municipals, etc.).  Maybe he'll see that it isn't the best plan after all.  You can also suggest other sources for humanely sourced rabbit meat, if you have some locally. 

    EDD 9/24/13 BabyFetus Ticker
    Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
  • imageCDMay2006:

    What if you make pro-con lists together, as well as a project plan (steps, supplies, upfront and ongoing budget, what you'll do with all those extra bunnies, will you need two hutches to separate males and females, what to do with waste, will you need permits -- HOA or municipals, etc.).  Maybe he'll see that it isn't the best plan after all.  You can also suggest other sources for humanely sourced rabbit meat, if you have some locally. 

    This. Exactly.

    And find a magical, inarguable point that -- even if the idea passes all of these stages -- is irrefutable. Like maybe rabbits carry a specific germ that children or pregnant or TTC women aren't allowed to be around. Or, if that doesn't apply to you guys, maybe there's a completely fictitious health situation/allergy you suddenly develop to small furry animals. This is how I like to end an arguement with SO. Like about his leather furniture - I just didn't want it. But instead I told him that the smell of it makes me sneeze incessantly because I'm allergic.

  • What's the HOA rules at your townhome on stuff like this? That might be your magic weapon here.

    Honestly I'd try to get chickens if I could...but alas, I'm constantly thwarted by our HOA. 

    These points about them being not pets--but yes, living creatures that do need care is a great point. Have you actually said that or just thought it? 

    What was his counter argument to it? I'd think that would be pretty hard to argue--I'd make him tell you exactly who he was going to line up to care for them--and then show you how he was going to budget it out...time and cost-wise. 

    The TIME issue...I'd tell him that time=money--so the extra time of caring for them needs to balance out to profit of meat. He needs to show you that it WILL otherwise. Sorry Charlie.

    Also, I'm just curious about the processing of rabbits. MH's family processes chickens, deer etc..let's just say they don't live in a townhome. They have a full on processing barn. Where was he planning on processing the meat? Or was he going to send the meat away? (Add in cost here--:)) 

  • We'd process it ourselves.  We have no barn, or shed, or even garage for goodness sake's.  Just the rabbit, our regular old cutting board on the kitchen island, and a butcher's knife.  DH may be comfortable doing that, but I am not.  I'm not against butchering animals, we want to take a chicken butchering class from a farm friend later this spring.  But to me, rabbits are pets.  Chickens, goats, pigs, cows...those are farm animals and I honestly do think I would be okay butchering them.  But rabbits..no.  And I think that's the underlying reason why DH won't let this go.  He told me my initial "no" was an "emotional reaction to a legitimate form of inexpensive meat." 

    So what if it was?  Why can't I flucking say NO to something and have him be okay with it?  Why do I have to make a list of pros and cons, and have discussion after discussion after discussion with him about it?  I.don't.want.to.do.it.  I really think that should be enough, but it's not.

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  • How many of these rabbits does he want to have at one time?

    I had 2 pet rabbits and they were so.much.work. Granted, they lived in a cage inside and had their "playtime" outside of cage  every day. I had to clean the cage and the litter box every day. They pee a lot and that was just 2 rabbits.

    Have you checked out local butcher shops? We drive to a very rural area once a month and there is this awesome butcher shop with grass fed, organic meat. They have a lot of specialty meats, such as rabbits, ducks, kangaroos, rattlesnake and some other crazy sh!t.It is not that expensive, especially considering that you would not be eating it every week.

    What is his expectation for who takes care of the rabbits? Does he expect you to be involved in the care taking and then butchering process? What if he thinks that he can kill the rabbit, but later realizes that he just cannot?

  • imageSuperGreen:

    We'd process it ourselves.  We have no barn, or shed, or even garage for goodness sake's. Just the rabbit, our regular old cutting board on the kitchen island, and a butcher's knife.  DH may be comfortable doing that, but I am not.  I'm not against butchering animals, we want to take a chicken butchering class from a farm friend later this spring. 

    This. Seems very messy to me. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that based off your answer it's not a very appealing idea for you either. I mean, you said you have a town home, and so I am also guessing you don't have a lot of room as a backyard either. I don't know. I wouldn't want a little butcher shop in my back yard where I also have BBQs and GTG's (however frequently or infrequently) with my friends or family.  This could be another argument. 

    But to me, rabbits are pets.

    You have a right to think this and feel this way..and to feel uncomfortable with this distinction. Your husband should respect this. Is the emotional cost of you NOT wanting to do this worth the (supposedly I'm not convinced) cost savings you would reap from the rabbits? He needs to listen and really weigh this.

     

      Chickens, goats, pigs, cows...those are farm animals and I honestly do think I would be okay butchering them.  But rabbits..no.  And I think that's the underlying reason why DH won't let this go.  He told me my initial "no" was an "emotional reaction to a legitimate form of inexpensive meat." 

    So what if it was?   We differ on many things. But if your gut response was emotional, that is okay, and it I'll high five you on that reason. This reason is not any less valid than his non-emotional reason. Why can't I flucking say NO to something and have him be okay with it?  Why do I have to make a list of pros and cons, and have discussion after discussion after discussion with him about it?  I.don't.want.to.do.it.  I really think that should be enough, but it's not.

    I just went to this speaker, Hal Herzog and he was amazing. He wrote a book called "Some we love, some we hate, some we eat: Why it's so hard to think straight about animals, and I actually think you and your husband are speaking about an exact issue he brings up: Your husband doesn't feel any differences between rabbits as pets and rabbits as food--and so this is very easy for him to want to set up the SuperGreen Butcher Shoppe in your back yard...meanwhile..you have some moral hold up to eating rabbits--you may not be looking at them quite as lovingly as your cat or dog--but they aren't on the same spectrum as the chicken--and they aren't in the "food" category for you morally. The way we view animals isn't black and white. It has shades of gray for us--and that's okay! Your husband needs to see that the rabbits--they are the gray for you, and if he really pushes this it's not going to suddenly make you change that idea for  you.


     

  • If the real reason you don't want to do this is because rabbits are so cute, why are you going to ignore such responses?

    But anyway... I think you should get one or two rabbits.  Ideally find one that is already grown so you can just cut the the chase on how much the butchering sucks.  Do it strictly as a trial and if it sucks, he won't be able to say you didn't give it serious consideration.  If you can't stomach eating rabbit, offer to do chickens instead.  Just... make him do all the work, and be up front about that. 

    Assuming your HOA even allows either, which would be surprising to me.  

  • imagesillygoosegirl:

    If the real reason you don't want to do this is because rabbits are so cute, why are you going to ignore such responses?

     

    I kind of wondered that too actually. Why would you ignore the responses that support YOUR feelings? 

  • imagefoundmylazybum:
    imagesillygoosegirl:
    If the real reason you don't want to do this is because rabbits are so cute, why are you going to ignore such responses? 
    I kind of wondered that too actually. Why would you ignore the responses that support YOUR feelings?  
    Just reading minds here, but i think it's b/c she's looking for an approach that's in the same language her husband is speaking.
    EDD 9/24/13 BabyFetus Ticker
    Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
  • I agree with the PPs who stated you should see if you are actually permitted to do this. If you aren't that would be the best solution to your issue.

    What would the cost be for keeping, feeding, maintaining the rabbits until you are going to do 'use' them?

    My sister had a pet rabbit when we were children and they do require a lot of time, attention and space. Will you be able to keep them out all year round? I have a few friends who buy their meat in bulk - half a cow, etc, and keep it in a chest freezer. Would this be an option instead of raising them yourself? 

  • lous22lous22 member
    I'm not sure where you live, but could he just start hunting rabbits instead of raising them for food?  My DH loves to hunt.  I'm not a huge meat eater, but it does make me happy to know that the animals live a great life in the wild before ending up on our dinner plates (or, rather, on his dinner plate).  He takes care of cleaning the animals...I rarely see them dead.   Haha I promise we're not huge rednecks....its just nice to get your food straight from mother nature.  Does your DH like to hunt?  Can he get the rabbits that way instead? 
  • Does your townhouse association even allow rabbits?  Does your city have any rules on slaughtering animals?  Maybe you'll get lucky and this will put an end to the discussion.

    I had rabbit when I was younger and I cannot imagine it in a townhouse with a little yard.  And I assume he doesn't just want one.  First off all, there's the hutch.  More rabbits = bigger hutch.  And then they poop.  A lot.  And it's kind of smelly.  You have to clean it out often, which is a PITA.  Like someone said, I would not want that where you grill or sit outside.  Depending on what type of living structure he plans on building and where you live, you may have to worry about predators.

    It seems like you would have to eat a lot of rabbit to make it cost effective.

    Not to mention, how they heck do you - to put it bluntly - kill a rabbit in your kitchen?   Where does the blood go and all the extra stuff?

     

    image
    Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
  • imagefoundmylazybum:

    What's the HOA rules at your townhome on stuff like this? That might be your magic weapon here.

    THIS.  He might fight you back on any other argument you think up -- but HOA rules are HOA rules.  I can imagine that your neighbor might not be cool with a rabbit hutch in the back area.  Do you have to register your pets?  Some places have those types of rules.  You might have rules about no animals left in the backyard, etc.

    And all you need is one curious kid with litigious parents coming over one day to "pet" your food rabbits and they get bit, or cut on your hutch, etc. 

  • aside from all the points above (your emotional opposition being just that, not logical, HOA rules) I'd consider with your DH about just how much meat you're really getting in return for the feed/care.  Rabbits do have some meat, but it's not much, and they eat a lot.  Chickens would be a great compromise.  They eat kitchen scraps, produce eggs while they're maturing, and produce a good amount of meat.
  • I guess this is the extreme other side of the coin for me...I was super annoyed at DH the other day because it seems a week doesn't go by that I don't find something that is unequivocally recyclable in the trash can (usually after something gross has been dumped on top).

    Any update, SuperGreen?

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