This week last year...

GracefulMeadow86

...My dad was in the hosptial and just diagnosed w/ the cancer. I'm not sure how I feel about the week.

I mean, in the short 9 months he had left here after then, he got to see and experience a lot of great things. He met his 2 goals - walking me down the aisle and meeting his first grandchild! But, the rest is sad.

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through Father's day in a month. Mother's day was hard enough....and just weird. Everything is weird. Holidays don't really seem like Holidays anymore without him.

I guess its just an "I really miss my dad" kind of day.

ellen73

Sorry Kim...

My parents 51st anniversary would have been next weekend...  last year we had a HUGE party for them (which I barely remember b/c I was sick as a dog thanks to my formerly crappy job duties)...  and he was so happy!  I lost it yesterday just thinking of the fact that their anniversary is next weekend.

It stinks   

I have decided I am not going in a store or watching TV or listening to regular radio for the two weeks before Father's Day.  

GracefulMeadow86

I'm so sorry, Ellen

My parents' (would-have-been) 29th anniversary was May 1st, so i know the struggle. I spent the day with my mom at her house, but it was NOT an easy day to say the least.

Yes, i think i should start doing all my shopping for the next month NOW so that i can miss all of the Fathers' day stuff. And i'll only watch movies and TV on-demand. In reality, though, I think i need to see that stuff and let my emotions do what they want. I can't avoid things like this for the rest of life, and he wouldn't have wanted me to.

ellen73

I have found that big things haven't bothered me as much.   So maybe by the weekend, i'll be ok.  It's little things that I don't expect, like driving past a restaurant he used to take me to on our "date" nights when I was little if my mom was working on a Friday night. 

Easter was different b/c I was with the in-laws,  and not with my own family.  We are going to my mom's later this month, and we haven't been there since New Year's.   I am just afraid everything is going to be different... knowing that my siblings are spending more time there and spending an occasional night and stuff... and having little things be different/in a different place.   I know that's somewhat crazy, but it's only the fourth time we've been back since the funeral. 

But on the upside... I have a huge desire to have a garden & plant veggies & flowers b/c he made me do it as a teenager

GracefulMeadow86

ellen73:

But on the upside... I have a huge desire to have a garden & plant veggies & flowers b/c he made me do it as a teenager

Regrding moms, I can't imagine how hard/weird it is to be further away. I'm so glad i am able to visit my mom at least once per week, and I talk to her every day. It helps her some, and i think it helps me more, honestly!

I love the garden commment I feel that way about some things...

In fact, I have a story about my dad...He and I had always planned to rebuild an old classic car. I am the boy of the family and we used to go to all of these old car shows from when i was a kid to when i was in college. He said he was going to teach me how to restore them.  Since he was diagnosed, his plan (approved by my mom) was to buy an old 55-57 chevy nomad wagon once he got healthy for us to fix together. He had owned a 55 when he first met and started dating my mom and had always kicked himself for selling it.

The last conversation i had with my dad was on the day he died. I was taking care of him and he woke up (he wasnt aware for most of the last 2 days) and I asked him what color the car was that he wanted to build. I had to ask him a few times before he answered to me, that yes, it was aqua and white. I told him (upset obviously) that Ziggy and I were going to build his car. He responded "I don't think that's a wise expense decision", just like my dad to say that kind of thing, always looking out for me . So of course i explained to him that we wouldn't do it right now, but when the time/money is right.

I so want to start building it now, but its still not the right time money-wise, but we're going to build it someday. It will be bittersweet but it's something I can be excited for that I know my dad would have LOVED.

ellen73

Something as simple as painting put me completely over the edge!  I called my dad (and my brother) a dozen times from Home Depot about 3 weeks after the wedding (and 3 weeks before the stroke)...   I needed to buy supplies to paint these giant columns in the condo (DH was at work, I was off that month after the wedding).   My dad said that he'd have a box of supplies ready & waiting for me when we moved into a house, and that he'd come and paint.   One of the times we were home in the fall, I was getting my last few boxes out of the garage, and the box from my dad was in right there in middle of them.  

It is hard being away. I feel more left out than I used to (I'm the only one not within 3 miles of my mom!)...  partly b/c 90% of my conversations with my dad the past few years centered on my nieces & nephews... so I always knew what was going on and always felt a part of stuff even if I wasn't there. I do talk to my mom daily- but I always feel the need to be upbeat on the phone (partially b/c I don't want to upset her, and partially b/c we all think she is psychic anyway and she knows how I am really feeling). I talk to my brothers/sisters/nieces/nephews usually weekly or so... but... it's just different. 

slpmay03

I feel your pain girls.  My dad died in 2004 and this July would have been my parents' 44th anniversary. Plus my dad would be 70 in October.  We actually have a friend of DH's wedding to go to on that day, so we will be out of town and I can't be with my mom that day in Oct.  She is okay with it but I feel bad.  My dad and my mom's mom shared a bday so it is a hard day for her. 

Father's Day is hard too.  The anniversary (7th) of my dad's death is next week so that is a hard day too.  It seems some years are better than others depending on how it effects me, how much stress I have, etc.  Little things get to me too but not as much anymore....songs on the radio about dads or dying would have me in tears.  I can't listen to "Live Like you Were Dying" b.c. that came out right after my dad died and I had to turn it then and I think of my dad everytime.  My dad died suddenly which was better for him.  He did get to retire from his job and I am glad for that!

kpsHoneyBear

I'm so sorry Kim.   Holidays are so much different after a loss in the family

Your story about restoring the car just broke my heart!  I wish I could come over there and help you and Ziggy restore it right now!!!  I think it's pretty awesome that you still want to follow through with it.  Your dad would be so proud.  Gah, I just want to give you a hug!  **Hug!**