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Feeling overwhelmed - need to whine. LONG!
We are trying to get our house ready to put on the market. It was a pretty quick decision that we came to about a month ago and since the decision was made, it has been a non-stop flurry of activity on my part - so much so that DH jokes that I am manic. Manic? No. Stressed? Yes.
I had hoped to have it listed by the 15th - - but that is not going to happen. Still too much to do! It is a small 1 bedroom condo and we have filled it to the brim - which means practically everything needs to be boxed up and moved to storage - or organized to the point of borderline OCD!
So every night after work, I run errands to pick up this or that to make things look fresher, newer, brighter, bigger, better . . . then I go home and start working on packing things up, paint retouching, closet organizing, etc - then I make dinner then DH comes home and the work continues for me - - but not for him because he doesn't know what to do unless I lay it out in clear step by step directions - - which of course takes longer than just doing it myself, so I pretty much just ask him to stay out of my way. Ugh.
I feel bad - but I am a control freak and have a way of doing things that works. DH's contributions, well-meaning as they are, are not as helpful to me as he'd like to think they are. Plus, the few small things I've asked him to do - repeatedly - don't get done. He just keeps asking what he can move to his studio - and honestly, I don't care what he moves - as long as he moves something!
So yeah - STRESSFUL big time - just to get things ready to begin the selling process. Once we are in the thick of the process, keeping the condo show-ready is going to be a nightmare. I am going to have to move around my work schedul so if there is a showing, I can run home, get the cat, put away the cat things and make sure everything is perfect - then leave (with the cat) for an hour during the showing. And yes, it is me who is going to be doing this 90% of the time because DH can't as easily move his schedule around. I'm fine with that - at the moment.
THEN - once we do sell we plan to move into an apartment for the short-term while we figure things out. So we'll have to deal wtih all of that - finding an apartment that allows month-to-month rentals and such.
THEN - the big issue. WHERE DO WE LIVE??? It isn't a matter of St. Paul or Minneapolis. oh how I wish it were that simple. DH hates the cold and snow of MN winters. He wants to move to the coast - either coast - to a warmer climate. We are seriously discussing a move to NC. I'm not thrilled with it, but sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to, right? So we have this big weight over our heads because I know he is unhappy here and I know that I will be unhappy there and it is just a matter of which of us is willing to cave. At the moment, I think I will be the one giving in - - but then also the one dealing with all the logistics of a cross-country move because DH seemed to think we could move over 1000 miles away in bits and pieces - coming back on weekends for loads of stuff. mmmmmm, not that easy when the drive back alone would take the entire weekend! GRRRR
THEN on top of all that - with our living situation in the air, job stuff is too. I'm not happy with my current job and would like to find something new - but what and where?!? Do I look for a new job here in MN - even if we might be moving in the somewhat near future? Do I hold off and look in NC - if we decide to move there? And if we do - how is the job-hunt going to go while I am in MN but looking in NC? We've pretty much agreed that I need to have a secure job in NC before we moved. And if we moved, we'd rent first to get a feel of the place and then buy - - so MORE moving and MORE stress.
GAH!! Sorry - I know this is long. I'm just sitting here with all of this swimming around in my head and I feel like I'm drowning! I know all of this is good stuff - generally - and the possibilities the future holds are exciting. But DAMN!! It is stressfull and I am feeling totally overwhelmed by it all - by all the uncertainty and work and stress. I just hope it is worth it and whatever we decide to do, wherever we decide to live, we are BOTH happy and feel it was the right decision.
Re: Feeling overwhelmed - need to whine. LONG!
I HATE moving so I feel bad for you. It would also be a major stressor if DH wanted to move across county so I feel for that too. We are coming into the summer months so maybe the MN summer heat will pacify him. Anyone around that could take care of kitty? Sometimes you would get advanced notice about a showing so maybe you could send him somewhere the day before so you don?t have to miss work and be cramped to get everything cleaned.
yeah, he loves the summers here but lives in dread of the winters - so while it pacifies him for the short-term, when October and November arrive, he is all about finding a way out of MN.
As for the cat - yeah, we have some friends who live a few miles away and have offered to "host" him for the day if necessary, but the husband is allergic to cats (thankfully, not horribly so), and our poor kitty gets sooooo upset and anxious in strange places. I don't want to do that to him unless it is absolutely necessary. But it is an option.
Thanks (to you both!). I do keep trying to take things one step at a time, but I am an obsessive planner and need to know steps 2, 3, 4 and 5 before I'm done with step 1, ykwim? I think it is a big reason why I haven't been sleeping well - since we decided to sell and starting talking more seriously about moving cross-country, I have all sorts of unanswered questions in my head and lists of things that need doing. But yes, I am trying not to stress over things beyond selling our place. Who knows how long that will take anyhow. The other issues could be months and months away!
jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in
my puppy loves - chloe & jenson
pregnancy blog | chart
Thanks, Anita! Lordy, are we the same person??
I feel so bitchy not asking Chris to do stuff - but honestly, I don't think he minds that much. He just worries that I am taking on too much and he knows me well enough to know that I won't admit it or ask for help. Baaaaah! Stressed if I do it myself, Stressed if he helps me - it's a no win situation!
This is me. 100% me. I get all babysitty and nitpicky that Joe isn't doing it exactly how I see it done in my head, and it's so hard to let go of that... so it's just easier if I do it myself. Even though that means I am stressed and tired, being stressed and tired is easier than being stressed, tired, and anxious that it's not as I wish it to be!
jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in
my puppy loves - chloe & jenson
pregnancy blog | chart
i think maybe all 3 of us are the same person. i would definitely try to find SOMETHING you don't care as much about, give the task to chris and then completely let it go. you need to for your sanity. i've had to learn to let certain things go for the sake of our happiness. it's not easy for me but in the end, i'm a better person for learning to let go and we're both happier.
and please don't move. it's hard enough to get together with you now. if you move, i'll never see you!
Holy smokes, it didn't even take me long to read that since I felt the fast and frantic typing!
I think tonight you should take 30 min off. Pour a glass of wine (or beer, or a cocktail, whatev) and make your H a list. Sure, give him the simple stuff, but have him be there so you can explain how you want it done.
IMO, I wouldn't start looking for a new job until you decide were to live.
Thanks, ladies!
I did take some time last night to pop a bowl of popcorn and watch TV while Chris was at rehearsal. It felt good!
And I am trying to find things for him to do - little projects that I could do, but time-wise it makes more sense for him to do it. Little things like changing the hangers in the closet and color-coordinating clothes (yes, these are things we have been told by the REA to do!). Then fixing little things around the house - he can take care of that and they are "manly" tasks too!
I think the big issue is that 95% of the stuff in the condo is "mine". I bought the place a year before I got involved with him - and when he moved over/in, he brought only a couple suitcases and over the years has added some guitars and amps and such - but all in all, not too much - and a lot of it he keeps at his studio. Everything else is "mine" - so I feel bad asking him to pack up my books, my shoes, my pictures . . .and really, I do a better job at it - faster, more efficient, just plane better. He knows it!
Whatever - - I have the kitchen pretty much done - just need to tackle the pots and pans. This weekend I plan to finish the bedroom (which is nearly done), and really get to work on the closets. Hopefully by midweek next week I can get the REA over to take pictures of the obsessive perfection, then we can somewhat tone it down and get back to living.
And strength - I KNOW! I don't want to move either! I've already recruited Claire and Frank to "my team" to help persuade Chris that MN is not evil - but ultimately it is his call. It was my call for him to move here (well, that I wasn't going to move to London and that left only one other option), so this is his turn to decide where we live.