WWYD? (long)

hz80408

Yet another post about my friend's wedding, this time the bridal shower.  I'm sorry to those that this may annoy, but I appreciate the help and advice of anyone willing to read :O)

The BMs hosted one for me, so my mom suggested I offer to throw a shower at her house (in city where bride and about 95% of guests live).  I emailed BMs (4 girls) months ago (all used to be highschool friends now more like acquiantances and brides FSIL).  They all said they were interested in co-hosting.

I said I'd do the invites, they're sent.  Once invites were sent I emailed BMs and said we should start assigning tasks.  I listed games, favors (if wanted), game prizes, decorations and food as categories.  For 30 guests, I suggested we all divide up food (it's 10:30-1:30 so brunch).  I tried to be nice and say, be as involved as you want or if you just want to do/bring one thing specific that's fine.

One girl emailed to say she's out of town (friend w/puppy who passed) so she'd help financially as she could.  I suggested maybe she just put in $25 and I'll pick up 5-$5 giftcards as prizies.  FSIL emailed and said "I'll bring all of the food".  2 other BMs are MIA.  One of them is getting married at the end of June, so I know she's busy, but really, you can't email?

FSIL doing all of the food makes me nervous...she's a single mom w/2 kids living on her own and works at a florist.  Plus in general for anyone, 30 people to feed is a lot of food.

My mom said I'm "being too democratic" and need to just assign people to bring different foods.  Honestly at this point I don't mind taking on the responsibility of everything financially even though the invite listed all of our names as co-hosting.  But I don't want to be the "crazy" BM either.

 I've emailed the FSIL and said I'll let her know about the food, I'm waiting for responses from others.

How would you approach the situation? 

ETA: if you think I'm being b!tchy, please tell me too.  I appreciate your honesty b/c I know I tend to have a strong personality and also over-react

Nukke

Divy up the food and or responsibilities as you see them.  Then CALL each bridesmaid, and say, "hey, I remember that you said you wouldn't mind helping out with the shower.  I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing.... ".  If they say yes, then it's a yes.  If they so no, then it's a no.  Just call them instead of waiting for them to answer emails.  As long as you're asking them, you're not a crazy BM.

hz80408

Nukke:

Divy up the food and or responsibilities as you see them.  Then CALL each bridesmaid, and say, "hey, I remember that you said you wouldn't mind helping out with the shower.  I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing.... ".  If they say yes, then it's a yes.  If they so no, then it's a no.  Just call them instead of waiting for them to answer emails.  As long as you're asking them, you're not a crazy BM.

Thanks, I don't have 2 of the 4's phone numbers.  Should I just ask the bride?

 I feel the same about asking instead of telling too.

Patineuse1124

If these girls have never helped plan a shower before, they may not know what it all entails (even though it seems like you broke down the tasks). Being more specific about what you need from them may be a good idea.  I think calling and asking if they can do abc or xyz is good because then they have a choice and aren't being told what to do.

I agree that feeding 30 people can be pricey and time consuming if you are making the food yourself, and that others should help with the food.  Just be careful how you approach it with FSIL as finances are a sensitive area. Maybe you can divide food into several categories like appetizers, main dish, desserts and drinks.

Dyork

hz80408:

Nukke:

Divy up the food and or responsibilities as you see them.  Then CALL each bridesmaid, and say, "hey, I remember that you said you wouldn't mind helping out with the shower.  I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing.... ".  If they say yes, then it's a yes.  If they so no, then it's a no.  Just call them instead of waiting for them to answer emails.  As long as you're asking them, you're not a crazy BM.

Thanks, I don't have 2 of the 4's phone numbers.  Should I just ask the bride?

 I feel the same about asking instead of telling too.

I would def. ask the bride for them. For my wedding I sent out a mass email so all the girls had each others phone numbers and emails.

Hopefully you can get in touch with the other 2 girls and get it sorted out.

Xan921

As long as it's not a surprise shower, I'd just ask the bride for their numbers and then call and ask them if they are still willing to help and if they say yes, then tell them the things that need to be done and see which they'd like to help with.  The FSIL taking on all the food is a lot for one person, but if she wants to do it, I'd let her and offer to chip in some money for it maybe.  Or ask her what she is planning on making and then as she lists things say "I know a great little bakery that would be perfect for those...I can just pick those up."  or "I have a really great recipe for that kind of dish...want me to make it to help out?"  Try to get involved with it without making her think you are doubting her being able to do it, ya know? 

hz80408

Xan921:

As long as it's not a surprise shower, I'd just ask the bride for their numbers and then call and ask them if they are still willing to help and if they say yes, then tell them the things that need to be done and see which they'd like to help with.  The FSIL taking on all the food is a lot for one person, but if she wants to do it, I'd let her and offer to chip in some money for it maybe.  Or ask her what she is planning on making and then as she lists things say "I know a great little bakery that would be perfect for those...I can just pick those up."  or "I have a really great recipe for that kind of dish...want me to make it to help out?"  Try to get involved with it without making her think you are doubting her being able to do it, ya know? 

You're so clever Xan.  This is a good idea. Thanks!

Boynton1286

I also sent out a mass email to my BM's so they all had each other's phone numbers, addresses and email addresses, then they could contact each other when necessary. I agree with Xan, I would just approach it so it doesn't seem like you are stepping all over her but still trying to help her out.