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Weird?
So DH's best friend since 3rd grade had a baby yesterday. It's his and his wife's first. DH was so excited, and told me a long time ago he knew BFF would want him at the hospital, and he wanted to be there for him, etc.
Well, about a week ago, DH told BFF we would love to come see them as long as the baby comes before we leave for Houston, and BFF proceeds to say they don't want any friends visiting the hospital...
DH thinks that's really weird, because everyone he's ever known that has had a baby have welcomed any visitors who wanted to see the baby after they were born. I am kind of on the fence. All my friends are the same way, they all want as many people to come visit as possible so they can show off their new baby. But, I can kind of see why maybe they don't want visitors...I guess...ok, not really. I can't. At all. It was a healthy and normal delivery. The mom is healthy, as is the baby.
I totally get that it's the parent's choice, and I honestly don't care one way or the other. But DH really wanted to be there. And I know his feelings were hurt.
So I just wanted some opinions, is it kind of strange they wouldn't want any visitors?
Maybe if I can think of a better way to explain it to DH, he won't take it so personally.
Re: Weird?
My very best friend IN THE WORLD didn't allow visitors either... even me. Her mother and her husband were the only two there.
She just wanted to have those first couple days to themselves before people bombarded. It was more about not having her DH's family there, so they made a blanket rule of no visitors to not hurt feelings.
Bio
I guess that makes sense. Does she not like DH's family?
Aw, I really like Brianna's friends idea.
My first thought is a crowd of "germy" people bunched around my newborn, and I wouldn't want that. Plus if she is learning how to breastfeed I understand that can be a stressful/tricky/critical time.
I kind of think that I am going to be the same way. I don't want a million people coming in and out of my room, especially after I just gave birth. I know I'm not going to feel well, plus I get claustrophobic and I honestly think I may be a teeny bit overwhelmed. I just don't think I want people there besides my mom and DH (and possibly his mom). Feel free to visit me when I get home.
But, I'm pretty weird.
ETA: Ditto Tiffany on germs and trying to figure out how the hell to feed my kid.
I think the reason my DH doesn't understand, is because he's the type when something exciting happens in his life, he wants to share it with everyone he cares about. That's why he wanted a big wedding, that's why he will want to invite everyone to the hospital when we have a child-because he's excited and wants everyone to be excited with him.
I think he has a hard time understanding that not everyone is the same way. BFF and he are like family. He's already "Uncle DH", and so he just felt like it was a slap in the face. I tried to tell him it wasn't anything personal.
I don't think it's that weird really. And in hindsight, it's not that bad of an idea. My room was full of people and I was overwhelmed. Plus--I was just gross and hated that people were seeing me like that. It's not like on TV where you look beautiful holding a pink bundle in your arms. You are definitely not at your best.
Whatever their reasons are, I don't think it's necessarily that weird.
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
Summer - If it is any consolation to your DH, I'm 99% sure it was his wife's wishes and he is just respecting them. (Rightfully so since she is going to be the one feeling/looking like hell and all)
I'm sure they will share as soon as they are ready.
LOL. Y'all are cracking me up.
I think I'm going to be the opposite. Come see me when I'm on pain medication still in the hospital and have the help of the nurses. I don't want a million people at my house once I get home. I'm going to be trying to get acclimated to having a baby in the house, figure out what goes where, and get a schedule down. I don't want people popping in and out constantly messing with that.
And making a mess. Because, you know, I won't have time to clean.
Hrmmmm sounds like you've been planning this!!
ETA: Those same people are probably going to try to pop by your house anyway and be equally offended if you don't allow them to.
Well I'm glad to hear this is totally normal. Makes me feel like it definitely wasn't anything personal towards DH and I.
There was a little part of me that maybe thought she just didn't want us there, so she said no friends at all. DH is convinced his wife doesn't like him. It's difficult when your best friend since childhood marries someone that you don't necessarily get along with.
ETA: Sorry for the double post. It won't let me delete it yet.
Hahaha. Yes, I've been planning it forever!
And that's ok. I can deal with offended people. My house. My rules. It's my DH that has a hard time telling people "no", not me!
I am with Tiffany, Lacey, and Stephie.
Those first couple of days are going to be overwhelming while trying to adjust to everything, so I plan to "try" to limit it just close family.
I know as some friends are starting to find out, they are already making plans to be at the hospital, and I don't have the heart to say anything to them just yet, but in due time, we will make the opportunity for everyone to meet the baby.
ETA: Because I saw how things were when my sister gave birth to her 2 kids, I presonally have always given my friends (who have had babies so far) the respect of privacy by sending a gift /flowers when the baby was born, and then visited the child when I was invited ( ie, knew the parents were ready for visitors). This is just my personal policy.
My Ovulation Chart
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
ITA Kathy. I loved getting flowers and having my room filled with them--I still remember that. But yeah, if I had it to do over, I would definitely limit the visitors. It's just too much.
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
Yeah, I think that's a good way to do it. I think you have to know the couple, too. Some people are all about having visitors right away, and make that known before the baby comes. And some you just know will want their space.
We (well, DH) was shocked this couple turned out to be one that didn't want visitors. But like Tiffany said, I completely agree it was 100% the wife's wishes, not DH's friend because if it were up to him, he would have all his friends there.
I find it rude sometimes how inconsiderate some people can be in certain situations especially when it comes to babies.. who are building up their immune systems and need vaccinations and such before they get exposed to things.... A few months ago, I was a party when someone brought their infant ( maybe couple of months old) , and the first person that went up and asked if she could go hold her was someone that not even 10 minutes before had announced on arrival to everyone at the party that she was getting over the flu AND laryngitis so she wasn't going to hug or shake hands with anyone!! So that person makes your coworker sound like a saint in comparison.
My Ovulation Chart
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
Not really the same I guess, but I think it's so cool that visitors can come now. When my brother was born, I didn't get to hold him or see him up close and personal for the first three days of his life--until he came home. I would probably take visitors, but I completely see both sides. Oh, I just had a friend who had some complications during the end of her pregnancy and they asked for no visitors strictly because of that.
Summer, I think it's so neat that your husband is that awesome of a friend. I would probably be a little hurt too.
I know I'm not going to want a ton of people to come up to the hospital but I have a freakin large family and everyone is so close that I don't think I'll have much of a choice. When my niece was born we (10-12 people) all standing around in the waiting room waiting for her to be born. I remember how bored I was but we all still had to wait. I don't want people waiting around for me to give birth and then expect to be able to come in right after. If I didn't have so many siblings and close aunt/uncles I could probably do the no vistor thing but just don't see it being an option.
My best friend had her baby 3 years ago. She was induced and it was the day after Easter. Her mom was with family for the holiday and flew in Monday the day she was suppose to be induced. Well she didn't want to stay by herself so I stayed overnight with her. I even left as soon as she had the baby just to make sure she had some time for herself. I wanted to respect her needs and knew she would want so alone time to sleep and bond with the baby.
Bio Good Times
This topic stresses me out to even think about. Unfortunately, I think about it too often. I had the same stress regarding our wedding b/c of DH's family. I am already nervous that certain people will show up and there will be a scene.
The day of delivery I want to hand pick who can be there. That makes me sound really rude, but it is true. Like others, my sister gave birth with a waiting room full of people and I don't want to think about anyone "waiting" on me. Also, when I am laboring, I do not want an audience. Just stay home until you get the call that the baby is here.
Maybe the following days at the hospital I will feel more comfortable seeing people/having guests.
DH and I were just talking about this last week. His mom didn't understand the need for us to be alone during our first look at our wedding and got her feelings a little hurt. I can see that she will probably be the same way about a baby.
Their family is really not into new traditions or requests, they are more we have always done it this way, so why are you being different??
That being said, I have told DH I would like only him in the delivery room during delivery and during any hospital breastfeeds. I feel like these times will be stressful enough without 1,000 on-lookers, but I am perfectly okay with immediate family and my BFF being in the waiting room and coming in after. Now who DH and who I consider immediate family may be where we run into the problem...
Summer,
I think I know a way you could make your husband feel better. Have a baby!!!!
Good idea!
Babies solve all problems!!