Minneapolis/St. Paul Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anyone ever done Big Brother Big Sister or a similar program?
How long did you wait to be matched, what city did your match live in, were you matched with a boy or girl, do you think they did a good job matching, how did the match go with the child and how did it go with the family. If it was not BBBS what program was it?
I want to scratch the kid itch without having a kid J I have done mentoring programs in the past and started looking again. I am found programs that said they had waiting kids in my county (not Ramsey or Hennepin). I want to be matched with a younger girl (under 12) and they said no problem. Only thing is, when I did this last time it was a problem so I am taking their reassurance with a grain of salt. I have interviewed with two groups and completed the training for BBBS.
Re: Anyone ever done Big Brother Big Sister or a similar program?
To answer my own questions,
How long did you wait to be matched? Maybe a month, likely less.
What city did your match live in? Minneapolis
Were you matched with a boy or girl? Boy
Do you think they did a good job matching? I did it as a "couple match? so we would have most options for placements. A few weeks later they said they had a boy that would be a great placement for us. He was a good match for my husband, but my husband was doing it to humor me.
How did the match go with the child ? He was a nice kid. I think he really did like being in the program. He enjoyed the ?just hangout? activities with my husband most (no duh right?) and was more just like a distant cousin?s child who I said I would entertain to me. I think he was intimidated by there being two of us.
and how did it go with the family? Mother lied on her application. They already had a cross country move in the works when we were matched (Little told us a month before he left and said his mother told him not to tell us). We were matched for less than 5 months. We were advised to talk to the parent whenever possible and I made an effort to do this. She was a good mom who did care about how her child was doing, but she didn?t seem too interested in what we had to say, it might have been because she knew they were leaving soon.
If it was not BBBS what program was it? It was Big Brother Big Sister.
If you are going into this to satisfy your own needs and wants (scratch the itch to have a child), you are going to set yourself up to be disappointed.
I used to work at a BBBS in another state and many (not all) of the matches failed because the Big Brother/Sister went into the match with their own expectations and needs to fulfill and when things didn't go the way they thought they should - they were disappointed and usually bailed on the kid.
It's tough, I know, and there is nothing wrong with volunteering for your own satisfaction (nobody would volunteer if they didn't get something out of it for themselves), but when a kid is involved and especially a kid who probably lives with a difficult social situation - you really have to go in with an open mind on what is going to happen.
I agree with what Stewie said. If you end up being disappointed in the program and leave your little bro/sis, you could be doing more harm than good. If they come from a less than stable home life, having another adult they trust leave can be pretty damaging.
If for some reason BBBS doesn't work out, if you like being outdoors, Inner City Outings through the Sierra Club is a great program. They take inner city youth hiking, biking, camping, etc. in a group setting but you do get to know kids that attend regularly. I did it for a few years and it was so cool watching the kids see things like deer and turtles for the first time. The new kids usually complained at the start of the trip but they didn't want to leave by the end and were all excited about coming back with their friends or family.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
I have to admit my get up and run around activity level is rather lacking
so Sierra Club likly would not be a good place for me.
I don?t think I would be a bad Big?even if I want to scratch my kid itch, which I do. But, I am assuming the match coordinators can find good matches. My first match was waiting for a really long time and I am pretty sure the match was based on my husband and the kid ? it is fine, I let them do it. This time I am doing it alone and that should mean I will be matched to a kid that has a similar activity level and common interests.
I have ?work? experience with kids that have a different background then myself (children?s transitional houses and children?s summer program for very low income families). I loved Sociology and majored in it. I am not expecting to get a prim-prefect kid who I can take to the park to show off. I hope those skill I have learned help me build a match that lasts (provided a good match is found). I am very aware that these kids have likly already been let down by enough adults.
It is odd that so many matches failed in your area. In orientation they said 80% of their matches make it to a year and most continue on. Maybe he wasn?t being honest though?.there was three of us in the room who had been matched before and none of them lasted a year!
I did BBBS several years ago.
How long did you wait to be matched? About 2 weeks
What city did your match live in? South St. Paul
Were you matched with a boy or girl? Girl
Do you think they did a good job matching? In some ways, yes. My "little" was very into sports, and since I work in college athletics, I had access to a lot of activities/experiences that were of high interest to her. Also, she was dealing with addiction issues in her family, and because of the situation with my brother and alcoholism, that was something we had in common and I could talk with her about. Other than that, our personalities were not a good match at all.
How did the match go with the child? It was okay, but a challenge for me. My "little" had little to no supervision or discipline at home, so her behavior was often appalling and difficult to handle. She was a good kid, she was just from a really messed up family.
How did it go with the family? Not well. At all. She lived with her dad, who was drunk half the time and totally irresponsible. Most of the time he couldn't keep the schedule straight and would agree to plans on days when she wasn't actually available, or forget that we had plans. The dad thought of me as a financial resource more than anything, like I was supposed to fund all the activities and entertainment that my "little" was interested in but he couldn't afford. He asked me to buy sports equipment for her. He asked me to buy school supplies for her. He told her to ask me to take her to movies, amusement parks, the zoo, etc. He also always wanted me to include her sisters in all our activities, which was not what I signed on for. It was so inappropriate and put me in a really uncomfortable spot. Her dad and sisters shared a house with another family that was really messed up too. I actually reported to BBBS that their house was so dirty and disgusting that I didn't think it was healthy or safe for her to be living there, and I had suspicions that one of the guys living in her house might be abusive. Of course, BBBS had to report it to the authorities. Thankfully, her school had also reported concerns, so it wasn't just coming from me. The mom was a drug addict who was not a consistent part of her daughter's life at all. It was just a really terrible and sad situation. No wonder the kid was messed up.
My "little" was 8 when we were matched, and we were matched for about 3.5 years. Eventually, she got to an age where she was more interested in spending time with her friends than with me, and she was very involved in sports, so it was always a big challenge to find time to spend together. Sports were one of very few things in her life that were healthy for her, so I didn't want to discourage her participation in athletics. The match was a challenge for me the entire time, but I was not going to give up because I knew that she needed every positive influence she could get. Eventually, she requested that we end our match, which was actually kind of a relief for me.
I will also add that while my experience didn't turn out to be so great, I know several other people who have done BBBS and had wonderful experiences.
Sorry. That got really long.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
I think the ultimate goal would certainly be to form a lifetime relationship, but that doesn't always happen and BBBS is realistic about that, too. The primary goal would be to put a positive adult role model into a child's life and have that relationship last as long as possible or until it runs it's natural course. Kids can never have too many positive role models, so even if they have a great female or male family member who is a positive influence - the more, the better.
With all of that said, being a Big Brother or Big Sister is hard sometimes and I can totally understand how someone would be overwhelmed or not sure if this is right for them. I am not even sure if I would sign up to be a Big...and I used to work there. Dealing with the family dynamics is often the hardest part. As another poster said, dealing with parents who see you as a financial support or parents who never keep their appointments/meeting times with you, parents who never return your calls to set-up a time to get together, difficult living situations, etc - it's all very frustrating at times.
And, life definitely gets in the way at times. Although your a Big Brother or Sister, you still have a lot of other things going on. You just do your best to make time for your Little and be HONEST with them about when you can or can't make it. The worst thing to do is overcommit to them and then not be able to show up or continually ditch out on them.
Ultimately, the matches that were the most successful were the ones were Bigs were consistent, persistent and there to do what was in the best interest of the kid (and had good boundaries).
That makes sense. Thanks so much for the information. I'll keep the idea of being a Big in my back pocket until I know we can live up to the commitment.